THE 


SCHOOL  FOR  POLITICS. 


iramatk  fotrel 


BY 


CHAELES     GAYAEEE. 


SECOND    EDITION. 


NEW    YORK: 

D.    APPLETON   AND    CO.,  340    &    348   BROADWAY. 
1855. 


oj'Acf  of  C£>»gr*ss,'4n  the  year  1854, 

Y      :,IAI?L«S   G-AY*,tI»Rli. 

In  the  Clerk's  O01c«  or. tl«  DUtricJ  Court  of  .the  ^United  States  J6r,tke  Southern  District  of  New  York. 


R.     CRA.IOHSAD.    PRINTER 

."••3    VESEY    STREET,    N.    T. 


/737 


P  E  E  F  A  C  E 


MY  object  in  writing  the  work  which  I  lay  before 
the  public  under  the  title  of  "The  School  for  Politics," 
was  to  attack  evils  which  have  become  so  serious  as  to 
be  alarming,  and  not  to  strike  at  any  party  or  indi 
vidual.  It  is  well  known,  however,  that  there  is  a 
natural  disposition  in  the  human  mind  to  seek  eagerly 
and  ferret  out  personal  allusions  in  all  works  of  this 
kind,  and  applications  are  made  which  are  always 
painful  to  the  author.  It  is  against  this  probable  per 
version  of  my  intentions  that  I  intend  to  guard  by 
stating  that  all  the  characters  I  have  delineated  aro 
fictitious,  although  there  is  but  too  much  reality  in  the 
scenes  of  political  degradation  I  have  described. 


M  2780 


DEAMATIS    PEKSON^E. 


GOVERNOR  OF  THE  STATE. 

HENRIETTA,  his  Daughter. 

RANDOLPH,  a  Senator. 

BECKENDORF,  a  naturalized  Citizen  and  Representative. 

GERTRUDE,  his  Wife. 

MORTIMER,  his  Son. 

JOE  GAMMON,  an  old  Politician. 

TRIMSAIL,      "j 

TURNCOAT, 

V    Representatives. 
LOVED  ALE, 

WAGTAIL,      J 

JOHN  TOBIAS  NUTMEG,  one  of  Beckendorf's  Clerics. 

GOVERNOR'S  PRIVATE  SECRETARY. 


THE 

• 


SCHOOL  FOE  POLITICS. 


|tnl 


SCENE  I. 

A    COMMITTEE-ROOM   IN   THE    STATE    HOUSE    AT   BATON   ROUGE, 
LOUISIANA. 

TRIMSAIL. — \Flinginy  down  on  a  table  a  book  into  which 
he  had  been  looking,  and  pulling  out  his  watch.~\ — Really — 
this  is  intolerable.  Here  have  I  been  waiting  more  than  a 
quarter  of  an  hour  for  the  other  members  of  the  committee 
of  five  that  have  been  appointed  by  the  House  to  examine 
whether  the  act  5000,  of  the  Civil  Code  of  Louisiana,  requires 
amendments  or  not.  We  are  instructed  to  report  to-morrow 
at  the  opening  of  the  session,  and  yet,  although  it  is  almost 
half-past  seven.  I  am  the  only  one  attending  the  meeting  of 
the  committee,  which  was  fixed  for  seven !  The  same  in 
dustry  I  have  displayed  for  the  last  ten  years,  during  which 
I  have  been  invariably  returned  to  the  House  by  my  constit 
uents  !  It  is  true  that  no  one  else  is  willing  to  be  a  candidate 
in  my  parish,  which  is  altogether  peopled  with  indolent  plant 
ers  of  French  extraction.  But  still,  my  services  are  not  the 


8  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

less  notorious,  and  not  the  less  deserving  of  reward  for  all 
that!  I  am  tired  of  making  vain  sacrifices;  for  my  time 
might  have  been  more  profitably,  and — as  matters  stand,  I 
may  say — more  honorably  employed,  than  in  being  a  legis 
lator.  I  am  a  lawyer ;  and  if  I  had  devoted  myself  entirely 
to  my  profession,  I  might  ....  but  no — there  are  no  law 
suits  in  the  damned  infernally  quiet  parish  in  which  I  have 
settled.  Well,  then — I  might  have  become  an  honest  me 
chanic,  instead  of  starving  as  I  am,  and  might  have  built  my 
self  up  a  fortune  in  a  trice,  as  I  have  known  many  to  do.  It 
is  true  that  I  should  have  been  obliged,  in  the  beginning,  to 
.'work \withf /iiiy  Dwn  hands.  Ha!  there  is  the  rub.  This 
manual,  labor  is.  decidedly  vulgar — I  hate  the  very  thought  of 
jit  j  • .  I  J$m  too  iiiuch  of  a  gentleman  for  that.  Besides,  the 
climate  is  too  warm,  and  violent  physical  exertions  disagree 
with  my  constitution.  No — no — after  all,  the  easiest  thing  I 
could  do  was  to  run  for  the  Legislature,  with  the  expectation 
of  becoming  a  district  judge.  But  who  would  have  thought 
that  I  should  have  had  to  wait  so  long  for  such  an  office ! 
Who  is  not  a  judge  nowadays  1  It  is  no  very  great  thing, 
certainly — but  still  it  gives  a  character — a  position  in  society. 
'•'•Judge  ....  my  respects  to  you.  Judge  ....  shall  I  have 
the  honor  of  a  glass  of  wine  ivith  you  ?  Sir,  alloiv  me  to  in 
troduce  to  your  acquaintance  Judge  so-and-so"  It  sounds 
well.  I  am  confident  it  would  have  enabled  me,  like  that 
pudding-headed  fellow,  Tobias  Snub,  to  marry  a  sugar  plan 
tation,  with  no  other  incumbrance  than  a  fat  widow  of  forty 
or  so.  To  think  that  I  have  been  a  standing  applicant  for 
such  an  office  for  the  last  ten  years,  under  every  administra 
tion,  and  without  success,  begins  to  madden  me  into  despera 
tion.  But,  thanks  to  the  gods,  I  can  now  take  time  by  the 
forelock.  Now,  or  never,  a  judge.  There  is  such  a  combi 
nation  of  circumstances  militating  in  my  favor,  that  I  cannot 
fail — unless  Old  Nick,  himself,  should  be  determined  to  thwart 


THE    SCHvtOL    FOR    POLITICS.  9 

inc.  Let  me  see  ....  Let  me  see  ....  In  the  first  place,  a 
vacancy  has  just  occurred  on  the  judicial  bench  of  the  3d  dis 
trict.  Next,  a  United  States  Senator  is  to  be  elected  in  a  few 
clays  The  judgeship  is  in  the  hands  of  the  Governor — and 
the  dear  creature  has  set  his  heart  on  going  to  Washington 
to  settle  the  affairs  of  the  nation.  Luckily  he  has  two  formi 
dable  competitors.  Well ! — well ! — and  it  so  happens  that  it 
is  generally  believed  that  I  can  influence  some  votes  in  the 
house.  Trimsail !  Trimsail !  look  sharp.  It  is  pretty  clear 
that  thou  hast  trumps  in  thy  hands,  and  that  the  game  is 
thine,  unless  thou  blunderest  like  a  raw  school-boy.  [Striking 
his  forehead.]  I  have  it ! — I  have  it! — it  is  there  ! — No  long 
er  shall  it  be  said  that  I  have  been  a  politician  all  rny  life, 
and  could  not  be  any  thing  else  than  a  member  of  the  Legis 
lature — and  a  militia  colonel !  A  colonel ! — fie  on  it ! — the 
very  sound  of  the  title  predisposes  me  to  a  fit  of  hysterics — 
so  long  has  it  been  dinning  in  my  ears.  Colonel ! — out  upon 
it ! — I  never  knew  a  blackleg,  or  a  grog-shop  keeper,  who  was 
not  called  colonel! 


SCENE  II. 

TURNCOAT. — [^Entering.'] — Hail  to  you,  my  worthy  Colonel! 
still  the  very  incarnation  of  punctuality  ! — hey  ! 

TRIMSAIL. — [ylsiWe.] — There  it  is  again! — Colonel ! — Damn 
it !  [yl/oMf/.]  And  you,  lazy  dog,  will  continue  to  be  as  care 
less  as  ever.  Why,  ain't  you  ashamed,  good  for  nothing 
fellow !  Here  have  I  been  left  alone  more  than  half  an  hour 
enjoying  the  bliss  of  pondering  over  this  very  interesting 
volume — the  Civil  Code — whilst  you  were,  I  am  sure,  indulg 
ing  in  the  luxury  of  an  iced  cocktail.  But  where  are  Wag 
tail,  Fawning,  and  Talebearer? 
1* 


10  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 


SCENE  III. 

[Enter  Wagtail} 

WAGTAIL. — Where  can  I  be  but  at  my  post,  like  a  faithful 
representative  of  the  people ;  and  the  first  I  should  have  been 
to  attend  this  meeting,  if  I  had  not  met  that  cunning  old  fox, 
Joe  Gammon,  who,  for  the  last  forty  years,  has  never  failed 
filling  some  office  or  other,  which  his  friends,  much  to  his 
annoyance,  and  with  the  most  cruel  pertinacity,  have  con 
tinued  to  force  upon  him,  for  the  salvation  of  the  country ; 
and  who  now  is  desperately  manoeuvring  not  to  be  thrust  into 
the  United  States  Senate  by  his  obstinate  friends.  I  shook 
him  off  at  last,  but  left  in  his  clutches  Fawning  and  Tale- 
beav  er,  whom  he  has  invited  to  an  oyster  supper,  and  who, 
bef  re  he  has  done  with  them,  will  use  violence  to  compel 
hir :  to  receive  their  support. 

[They  all  laugh:  Ah!  ah!] 

TRIMSAIL. — Still  the  same  bitter  tongue,  Wagtail — sarcas- 
I'  t  to  the  last — even  on  your  friends. 

WAGTAIL. — Tut!  man — there  is  no  sarcasm  in  a  mere 
•  tatement  of  facts.  But  let  us  proceed  to  business ;  for,  a 
ast  man  and  a  business  man  I  am.  We  form  a  quorum, 
md,  from  the  information  I  have  given,  it  is  plain  that  we 
need  not  wait  for  our  colleagues,  who,  with  exquisite  judg 
ment  I  must  confess,  prefer  discussing  oysters  and  sauterne 
to  the  Civil  Code, 

TURNCOAT.— Well !  Trimsail,  you  are  the  chairman  of  the 
committee.  Take  the  head  of  the  table,  and  state  the  object 
of  the  meeting. 

TRIMSAIL.  .  .  .  [Takes  the  chair,  hems,  coughs,  blows  his 
nose,  puts  on  hit  spectacles,  opens  the  volume  of  the  Civil 
Code,  and  says,  with  peculiar  emphasis:] 

Gentlemen,  you  arc  aware  that  we  have  met  here  to  delib- 


TFIE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  11 

erate  on  the  most  important  business — which  is  to  determine 
whether  the  article  5000  of  the  Civil  Code — involving  the 
security,  happiness,  and  indeed  the  whole  destiny  of  the  most 
interesting  portion  of  our  population — women  and  minors — 
requires  amendment  or  not.  My  mind  is  appalled  at  the 
magnitude  of  the  subject ;  the  little  learning  I  possess  shrinks 
from  the  difficulties  it  will  have  to  overcome  in  satisfactorily 
solving  this  question,  and  my  heart —  .  .  . 

[  Whilst  Trimsail  is  speaking,  Turncoat  throws  up  his  two 
leys  on  the  table,  and  leans  on  his  chair  with  his  head  flung 
back  and  his  eyes  turned  towards  the  ceiling,  as  if  he  was  pre 
paring  to  take  a  comfortable  nap.  In  the  mean  time,  Wagtail 
takes  a  sheet  of  blank  paper,  and  makes  a  cock,  which  he  places 
on  Turncoafs  nose,  and,  after  having  imitated  the  crowing  of 
the  bird,  says :] 

WAGTAIL. — Wake  up — day  is  breaking — and  Trimsail 
breaking  down.  [Turning  to  Trimsail.']  I  wish  that,  in 
stead  of  being  instructed  to  report  on  the  soundness  of  any 
one  of  the  parts  of  our  respectable  friend,  the  Civil  Code, 
[tapping  on  it,]  we  had  been  requested  to  devise  some  legis 
lative  means  of  putting  a  stop  to  that  greediness  for  office 
which  is  corrupting  the  morals  of  the  people  and  of  their 
representatives,  and  converting  so  many  of  our  fellow-citizens 
into  hungry  beggars,  squatting  at  the  door  of  Executive 
patronage. 

TURNCOAT. — [Mouthing  it.~] — He  who  should  destroy  such 
an  evil  would  have  as  great  a  claim  to  his  country's  grati 
tude  as  Washington  himself. 

TRIMSAIL. — There,  indeed,  I  fully  agree  with  you;  but, 
alas !'  I  am  afraid  that  the  infection  has  spread  so  widely,  and 
has  become  so  contagious,  that  we  are  perhaps  the  only 
members  of  the  Legislature  who  scorn  office,  and  who  can 
boast  of  independence.  What  can  we  do  against  the  host  of 
cringing,  sneaking,  lying,  and  false-hearted  demagogues  who 
parade  their  disinterestedness  when  secretly  .  .  . 


12  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

[Enter  Governor's  Private  Secretary .] 

PRIVATE  SECRETARY. — [To  Wagtail.] — I  am  requested  by 
the  Governor  to  inform  you,  Mr.  Wagtail,  that  he  is  now  in 
his  office,  and  desirous  of  conversing  with  you  on  the  petition 
which  you  have  presented  on  your  behalf  .  .  . 

WAGTAIL. — [Interrupting  him  with  some  confusion.'] — Oh  ! 
yes — yes — hem!  [To  his  two  colleagues  of.  the  committee  :] 
It  was  done,  gentlemen,  as  you  must  understand,  at  -the 
Governor's  own  request.  Otherwise  he  would  have  been 
compelled  to  give  a  certain  office  to  a  very  objectionable 
candidate,  who  was  so  strongly  supported  that  his  Excellency 
could  not  refuse  him  without  exposing  himself  to  a  great  deal 
of — what  shall  I  call  it  ?  ...  a  great  deal  of  that  kind  of  thing 
.  .  .  which,  you  know,  public  men  don't  like  to  expose  them 
selves  to — because  he  could  not  have  rejected — I  say — the  ap- 
application  of  the  gentleman  and  his  friends,  unless  he  could 
have  pleaded  my  superior  claims  as  an  excuse.  He  thought  so 
at  least,  and  therefore  begged  me,  as  a  personal  favor,  to  get  up 
this  petition  on  my  own  behalf,  merely  to  save  him  from  a 
very  embarrassing  position.  It  is  a  sacrifice  of  my  own  feelings, 
tastes,  comforts,  and  sense  of  dignity,  for  which  he  assured  me 
he  would  ever  be  grateful.  What  could  I  do  1  You  know  how 
intimate  we  are.  I  could  not  refuse ;  excuse  me,  gentlemen. 

[  Whilst  thus  speaking  he  gets  his  hat,  puts  it  on,  collects 
some  papers  which  he  had  spread  on  the  table,  and  prepares  to 
depart.  In  the  mean  time  Trimsail  and  Turncoat  have  been 
exchanging  significant  glances.  When  Wagtail  opens  the 
door  to  go  out,  Trimsail  cries  out  to  him  :] 

TRIMSAIL. — But  there  will  be  no  quorum,  Wagtail ;  how- 
shall  I  report  to-morrow  1 

WAGTAIL. — [Hurriedly.] — Go  on  with  your  deliberations  as 
if  I  were  present.     I  vote  to  maintain  the  article  as  it  is. 
[Exit,  with  great  precipitation. ] 

TURNCOAT. — By  the  gods !  Trimsail,  did  you  ever  see  any 
thing  so  shameful  1  [Aside,  with  a  good  deal  of  agitation.] 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POL1HCS.  13 

This  confirms  what  I  have  been  told.  The  scamp  is  in  my 
way,  and  is  an  applicant  for  the  same  office  for  which  my 
name  is  before  the  Governor.  I  must,  without  loss  of  time, 
be  after  him,  or  he  will  serve  me  some  scurvy  trick.  [Rises 
and  hastens  towards  the  doorJ\ 

TRIMSAIL. — Hallo  !  what  is  the  matter,  Turncoat  ?  Are 
you  sick  1  You  look  unwell.  Where  are  you  going  ? 

TURNCOAT. — I  am  so  choked  with  indignation  at  that  fel 
low's  hypocrisy  and  servility,  that  I  am  unfit  for  business, 
and  I  must  go  out  for  some  fresh  air.  I  feel  incapable  of  any 
other  occupation  than  that  of  writing  a  satire  on  these  de 
generate  times. 

TRIMSAIL. — But  our  report,  my  friend — our  report  on  the 
articl  e. 

TURNCOAT. — Damn  the  article !     I  vote  with  Wagtail  to 
maintain  it  as  it  is.     Draw  the  report  in  that  sense. 
[JW*.] 

TRIMSAIL. — There  goes  another  sycophantic  hanger  on ;  a 
beggar  that  will  sell  himself  to  Tom,  Dick,  or  Harry,  for  a 
mere  crumb  to  put  in  his  bag!  And  what  is  worse,  such  fel 
lows  as  Wagtail  and  Turncoat,  not  satisfied  with  being  the 
very  quintessence  of  baseness,  have  the  presumptuous  audacity 
to  endeavor  to  pass  themselves  off  for  what  they  are  not — 
for  independent  men !  And  yet  such  are  the  creatures  who 
obtain  all  the  offices,  whilst  men  of  my  character  are  disre 
garded  and  put  on  the  shelf  by  those  who  pretend  to  be 
leaders,  and  who  are  mere  drones  living  on  the  honey  manu 
factured  in  the  political  hive.  Ay;  men  of  my  calibre  have 
the  barren  honor  of  being  legislators  and  militia  colonels! 
Well,  well,  I'll  be  revenged  one  day  or  other,  for  every  dog, 
it  is  said,  has  his  day.  I  have  sharper  teeth  and  claws  than 
people  are  aware  of.  But  to  my  task.  Let  me  sec — let  me 
see.  How  shall  I  draw  the  report  ?  [  Writes  .-] 

To  the  Honorable  the  House  of  Representatives,  &c. : — 
We,  the  undersigned,  in  compliance  with  a  resolution  of  your 


14  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

honorable  body,  &e.,  having  met  in  committee,  have  the 
honor  to  report  that,  after  a  thorough  examination  of  the 
article  of  the  Civil  Code  submitted  to  our  consideration — 
after  a  long  and  protracted  discussion  on  the  subject,  and 
after  having  studied  the  question  in  all  its  bearings,  and  with 
all  the  scrupulous  attention  to  which  it  is  entitled,  have 
unanimously  come  to  the  conclusion  that  said  article  requires 
no  amendments,  and  ought  to  be  maintained  as  it  is,  for 
reasons — what  reasons  shall  I  give?  [Bites  his  pen  and 
scratches  his  head.]  Let  me  see.  Ah !  I  have  it — for  the 
reasons  which  are  given  by  learned  commentators  for  its 
original  insertion  into  the  Napoleon  Code,  from  which  it  has 
been  borrowed.  There;  let  the  inquisitive  look  for  those 
reasons,  and  find  them  if  they  can.  Now,  all  I  have  to  do  is 
to  sign, 

TRIMSAIL,  Chairman. 


SCENE  IY. 

GAMMON.- — [Popping  in  his  head  and  looking  round  un 
easily.'] — Are  you  alone,  Trimsail  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — As  you  see.  But  how  corne  you  to  be  here  1 
I  thought  you  were  engaged  for  the  whole  evening  with 
Fawning  and  Talebearer. 

GAMMON. — T  left  them  both  in  my  room,  which,  you  know, 
is  close  to  the  State  House.  They  have  a  plentiful  supply 
of  champagne.  Having  raised  their  steam  to  a  sufficient  de 
gree,  I  begged  leave  of  absence  for  a  few  minutes  under  some 
pretext,  but  in  reality  under  the  hope  of  finding  you  here,  as 
I  have  done,  and  to  tell  you  that  they  are  mine.  They  are 
pledged  in  the  most  positive  manner  to  support  me  in  the 
caucus  that  will  meet  to-morrow  at  twelve  o'clock,  to  choose 
the  candidate  for  the  United  States  Senate,  and  [rubbing  his 
hands  in  high  glee]  every  thing  goes  on  swimmingly.  He 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  15 

who  is  chosen  by  the  caucus  is  Senator,  you  know,  our 
majority  being  so  large  on  joint-ballot,  and  none  being  daring 
enough  to  disobey  the  ukase  of  King  Caucus.  Well,  we  have 
counted  noses.  The  Governor  has  thirty-five  votes,  I  have 
thirty-five,  and  Tagrag  has  fifteen.  There  is  one  blank  vote, 
that  of  Randolph,  whose  leaning  it  is  impossible  to  know. 

TRIMS  AIL. — Have  you  spoken  to  him,  and  tried  all  the  arts 
you  so  eminently  possess  ? 

GAMMON. — Yes ;  we  came  up  yesterday  from  New  Orleans 
on  board  of  the  same  boat,  and  circumstances  served  me 
admirably  as  to  the  privacy  of  the  conversation  which  I 
wished  to  have  with  him.  About  one  o'clock  in  the  morning 
all  the  passengers  had  gone  to  bed,  and  Randolph,  sitting 
by  himself  on  the  front  part  of  the  boat,  had  been,  for  a  con 
siderable  time,  apparently  engaged  in  studying  the  topogra 
phy  of  the  moon,  when  I  drew  a  chair  by  him  softly,  and  thus 
began  to  open  rny  mind :  "  Mr.  Randolph,"  said  I,  "  you  and 
I  seem  to  be  the  only  tormented  spirits  on  board  of  this  boat, 
for  sleep  seems  to  fly  from  our  lids.  From  mine — that  may 
well  be  conceived.  I  am  old,  and  have  lived  too  long  not  to 
be  kept  awake  by  the  painful  recollections  of  the  past,  and 
the  unpromising  anticipations  of  the  future.  But  your  case 
is  different.  You  are  yet  too  young,  being  hardly  above 
thirty  years  old,  to  have  passed  through  that  ordeal  which  so 
shakes  the  soul,  that  from  its  inmost  recesses  there  arise 
feelings  which  drive  men  out  of  their  beds.  Far  from  it,  you 
seem  to  be  the  favorite  of  heaven ;  you  are  immensely 
wealthy,  women  call  you  handsome,  and  we  men  have  not 
forgotten  the  distinguished  honors  you  obtained  at  the  uni 
versity.  Ten  years  travelling  all  over  Europe  has  com 
pleted  your  accomplishments ;  and  since  your  return,  your 
fellow-citizens,  impressed  with  a  proper  sense  of  your  merits, 
have,  without  being  solicited  by  you,  unanimously  sent  you 
to  the  Senate  of  the  State.  How  do  you  like  your  position  ? 
Do  you  take  much  interest  in  the  legislative  proceedings,  and 


16  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

do  you  intend  to  distinguish  yourself  in  debate?  For  the 
moment,  the  engrossing  topic  which  absorbs  all  others,  is  the 
election  of  a  United  States  Senator.  May  I  be  permitted  to 
ask  whether  you  have  any  predilection  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — What  did  he  say  1 

GAMMON. — "  Mr.  Gammon,"  said  he,  "  that  I  am  wealthy, 
I  admit ;  and  thanks  to  the  gods  that  I  am,  as  it  enables  me 
to  keep  aloof  from  the  active  pursuits  of  life,  for  which  I 
am  utterly  incapacitated  by  my  temperament — which  is  that 
of  an  idler  and  dreamer.  As  to  my  being  handsome,  how 
can  it  be  true,  when  I  have  already  been  jilted  by  the 
coquetry  and  reduced  to  despair  by  the  cruelty  of  a  dozen 
women  ]  and  you  know  that  the  daughters  of  Eve  are  only 
cruel  to  men  of  sense,  whilst  they  reserve  their  favors  for 
handsome  men.  As  to  my  ten  years'  travelling,  it  has  taught 
me  that  one  could  employ  one's  time  more  agreeably,  more 
honorably,  and  more  profitably  than  to  be  pandering  to  the 
tastes  of  the  multitude  in  daily  sacrifices  of  self-esteem  and 
dignity,  to  obtain  those  fickle  suffrages,  which,  one  day,  puff 
a  man  into  office,  and  the  next  out  of  it.  I  told  my  constitu 
ents,  when  they  spoke  of  electing  me  to  the  Legislature,  that 
I  worshipped  indolence,  that  I  never  could  read  through  the 
best  political  article  in  the  best  edited  paper  in  the  Union, 
and  that  a  law  book  being  more  incomprehensible  to  me  than 
the  Hebrew,  I  was  the  most  unfit  of  men  to  be  a  legislator. 
And  yet  they  have  elected  me !  I  suppose,  from  that  strange 
perversity  of  mind  which  frequently  impels  men  to  do  the 
very  reverse  of  what  they  ought.  Well !  Let  them  bear 
the  consequences,  if,  instead  of  putting  myself  to  any  incon 
venience  by  being  active  in  discharging  the  duties  which  have 
been  forced  upon  rne,  I  choose  to  increase  the  number  of 
logs  which  compose  the  Legislative  raft.  As  to  my  predilec 
tion  for  any  senatorial  candidate,  it  would  be  painful  for  me 
to  make  a  choice.  I  am  intimate  with  the  Governor  ;  I  am 
one  of  your  truest  admirer.3 ;  and  there  is  no  man  I  am  more 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  IT 

partial  to  than  Tagrag.  I  think,  when  the  time  for  voting 
comes,  I  shall  draw  lots — and  now,  let  us,  dear  Mr.  Gammon, 
go  to  bed ;  for  I  have  become  drowsy  in  listening  to  the 
speech  into  wrhich  you  have  drawn  me.  Good  night."  So 
saying,  he  went  away,  leaving  me  no  wiser  than  I  was  before. 
Cursed  be  those  men  who  want  nothing — they  are  impracti 
cable. 

TRIMS  AIL. — I  have  a  peculiar  antipathy  to  that  man.  1 
hate  one  whom  I  can't  make  out;  and  I  confess  that  Randolph 
is  a  complete  mystery  to  me.  I  will  guage  him  though,  be 
fore  long,  and  know  his  precise  breadth,  depth,  and  length. 
But  I  see  him  walking  in  the  rotunda — call  him,  and  see 
again  whether,  as  you  say,  he  is  really  impracticable.  In  the 
mean  time,  I'll  to  your  room,  and  tell  Fawning  and  Tale 
bearer  that  you  are  coming. 


SCENE  Y. 

GAMMON. — [Going  to  the  door  and  calling.] — Mr.  Ran 
dolph  !  Mr.  Randolph ! 

RANDOLPH. — [Coming  in] — What  can  you  be  doing  all 
alone  in  this  committee-room,  Mr.  Gammon?  Are  you 
meditating  on  your  plan  of  operations  to  carry  off  the  senato 
rial  prize  ?  Poor  politicians,  what  a  hard  life  is  yours ! — 
How  I  pity  you  !  [In  a  mock  theatrical  tone.]  I  had  rather 
be  a  dog  and  bay  the  moon  than  be  a  politician. 

GAMMON. — I  was  with  our  friend,  Trimsail,  showing  him 
how  powerfully  and  perseveringly  I  am  to  be  supported  by 
those  friends  who  have  induced  me  to  come  out  for  the 
Senate,  and  who,  therefore,  mindful  of  the  exigencies  imposed 
upon  them  by  their  own  act,  will  stick  to  me  to  the  last. 

RANDOLPH. — Trimsail  is  as  keen-scented  as  the  best  hound 
I  ever  knew,  and  can  always  tell  in  what  bush  the  majority 
conceals  itself. 


18  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

GAMMON. — It  is  true.  But  I  want  also  to  consult  you,  and 
have  your  opinion  as  to  my  chance  of  success. 

RANDOLPH. — Consult  me  ! 

GAMMON. — Yes — yes.  As  you  stand  neutral  between  the 
candidates,  you  are  the  very  man  who  is  the  most  competent 
to  express  a  sound  opinion  on  the  race,  and  bet  on  the  nag 
that  is  to  win. 

RANDOLPH. — My  dear  sir,  the  gothic  chair,  in  which  sits 
the  Speaker,  might  give  you  more  correct  information  than  I 
can. 

GAMMON. — Pray,  do  not  jest.  Listen — here  is  how  we 
stand :  35  for  the  Governor — 35  for  your  humble  servant — 
15  for  Tagrag — and  1 — your  vote — which  is  uncertain. 

RANDOLPH. — Indeed ! 

GAMMON. — \8lyly ^\ — Which  of  the  nags,  I  say,  do  you  think 
likely  to  be  the  winner  ? 

RANDOLPH. — [Nodding,  and  with  an  air  of  meditation. ,] — 
That  is  the  question. 

GAMMON. — I  have  strong  hopes  to  rally  round  me,  after  a 
ballot  or  two,  Tagrag's  friends,  as  some  of  them  can  be  in 
fluenced  by  Trimsail,  who  is  secretly  devoted  to  me  body 
and  soul,  although  he  ostensibly  cajoles  the  Governor.  But 
should  I  fail  in  that  quarter,  as  you  hold  the  casting  vote, 
may  I  hope  that  it  will  in  the  end  be  thrown  into  my  scale 
and  secure  my  election 

RANDOLPH. — Things  more  improbable  have  happened. 

GAMMON. — Besides,  the  Governor  is  not  so  sure  of  his  sup 
porters  but  what  some  of  them  might  leave  his  camp  and 
come  into  mine. 

RANDOLPH. — It  does  not  seem  to  be  impossible. 

GAMMON. — Now  that  all  the  evidence  and  circumstances  of 
the  case  are  before  you,  pray  favor  me  with  your  conclusions. 

RANDOLPH. — \_Smiling.~\ — My  impression  is,  since  you  wish 
to  have  it,  that  your  adversaries  make  on  their  side  the  same 
calculations  on  which  you  rest  your  hopes. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOtt   POLITICS.  19 

GAMMON. — Indeed  ! — But,  on  what  grounds  ? 

RANDOLPH. — On  as  good  grounds  as  you  have  !  They  em 
ploy  the  same  means  that  you  resort  to. 

GAMMON. — [In  a  fright.'] — The  devil  they  do! 

RANDOLPH. — To  be  sure.  They  think  they  have  seduced 
some  of  your  friends,  as  you  think  you  have  theirs. 

GAMMON. — It  is  not  possible  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Why  not  ? — Who  is  right  in  his  calculations  ? 
Who  is  deceived  or  betrayed  1  Why  should  I  put  myself  to 
the  trouble  of  discovering  the  subterranean  manoeuvres  of  am 
bitious  partisans  1  Why  should  I  care  a  straw  for  your  po 
litical  struggles  1  And,  paying  no  attention  to  your  intrigues, 
how  can  I  know  which  of  you  is-  likely  to  succeed  1  But  I 
will  tell  you  what  I  have  told  your  competitors,  and  there 
needs  no  ghost  from  hell  to  unfold  the  tale.  You  all  rely  on 
men,  most  of  whom  are  ready  to  run  backward  and  forward 
from  one  flag  to  another  according  to  what  they  may  think 
their  interest — political  condottieri,  who  will  secure  the  suc 
cess  of  him  that  best  knows  how  to  use  and  control  them 
for  his  own  purposes. 

GAMMON. — \_With  a  show  of  admiration.'] — With  your  cool 
sagacity  and  your  knowledge  of  men,  Mr.  Randolph,  what  a 
valuable  ally  you  would  be  !  [Coming  close  to  Randolph, 
and  speaking  with  great  earnestness.']  It  is  impossible  that  a 
man  of  your  parts  should  not  desire  that  sweetest  of  all  pos 
sessions — power! — which  you  might  use,  if  not  for  selfish 
purposes  of  your  own,  if  not  to  benefit  your  friends,  at  least 
to  serve  your  country  and  acquire  an  immortal  name.  In 
your  position,  what  cannot  you  aspire  to !  Can  you  be  indif 
ferent  to  the  prospect  that  lies  before  you  !  Your  uncle,  one 
of  Virginia's  ablest  sons,  is  in  the  cabinet  of  the  President, 
under  a  change  of  administration,  which  leaves  all  offices  to 
be  disposed  of.  Avail  yourself  of  that  circumstance,  help 
me  to  power, — and  I  share  with  you.  Whatever  influence 
I  may  acquire  with  the  General  Government  will  be  at 


20  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

your  service.  With  an  uncle  in  the  Cabinet,  and  a  devoted 
friend  in  the  Senate,  the  best  federal  appointments  will  be  at 
your  disposal.  Why  should^you  not  be  our  next  governor — 
and  afterwards,  in  your  turn,  a  United  States  Senator  ?  My 
friends  are  numerous — the  possession  of  a  seat  in  the  Senate 
would  double  my  strength,  and  it  shall  be  exerted  in  your 
favor. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  mock  emphasis.'] — A  vaunt,  Satan !  Back 
to  the  infernal  regions  with  thy  cloven  foot !  But,  to  be 
serious,  you  are  really  wasting  time  in  offering  me  tempta 
tions — which  are  none  for  me.  I  have  told  you  that  I  am 
destitute  of  all  ambition ;  and,  to  be  made  President  of  the 
United  States,  I  would  not  give  up  the  luxurious  independ 
ence  I  enjoy. 

GAMMON. — By  Heaven,  Mr.  Randolph,  I  cannot  but  say  that 
so  much  indifference  to  greatness  looks  very  much  like 
affectation. 

RANDOLPH. — [Laughing.] — Ah !  ah !  ah  !  I  cannot  but 
laugh  heartily  when  put  in  mind  that  the  Governor  and  Tag- 
rag  have  been  plying  me  with  the  same  offers  and  in  almost 
the  same  identical  words  !  I  declare — it  is  quite  amusing  to 
be  so  much  courted.  Well,  then  !  I'll  play  the  lady,  and 
coquet  with  you  all. 

GAMMON. — You  had  better  play  the  man,  and  come  out 
openly  for  one  of  us. 

RANDOLPH. — That  would  be  playing  the  fool.  How  do 
you  know  but  what  I  have  made  my  choice  1  But  why 
should  I  proclaim  it  1  I  declare,  that  should  I  be  in  your 
favor,  I  would  still  keep  you  in  the  dark  about  it. 

GAMMON. — I  cannot  understand  the  reason  why.  .  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — Because  I  am  pretty  sure  that  your  gratitude, 
in  case  of  success  due  to  me,  would  not  be  equal  to  the 
enmity  I  should  incur  from  your  competitors,  and  my  philo 
sophy  is  to  keep  equally  clear  of  the  gratitude  and  the  en 
mity  of  mankind.  But  .  .  .  here  is  somebody  coming  to  us. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  21 


SCENE  VI. 

GAMMON. — Ho  !  it  is  the  son  of  Beckendorf,  the  editor  and 
proprietor  of  the  Baton  Rouge  Courier,  the  lord  paramount 
of  several  of  our  most  money-making  grog-shops,  the  most 
celebrated  beer  manufacturer  in  the  State,  and,  to  cap  the 
climax,  one  of  the  people's  representatives  in  the  lower 
House.  No  small-potato-man  as  you  see,  and  one  who  is  not 
to  be  slighted  without  danger.  We  must  be  courteous  to  his 
progeny.  There  is  no  getting  along  without  popularity. 
\_Enter  Mortimer.'] 

RANDOLPH. — Good  evening,  Mr.  Mortimer.  I  am  right 
glad  to  meet  you,  and,  at  the  same  time,  allow  me  to  say, 
that  I  am  astonished  to  see  you  in  a  committee-room  of  the 
Capitol,  instead  of  your  being  engaged  in  supervising  the 
Governor's  plantation,  where  your  father  had  placed  you,  less 
as  a  paid  overseer  than  a  friend  of  the  Governor's  and  an 
apprenticed  student,  if  I  may  use  the  expression,  in  the  noble 
art  of  planting.  I  understood  it  to  be  a  preparatory  step  to 
his  purchasing  for  you,  his  darling  and  only  son,  a  superb 
sugar  plantation. 

MORTIMER. — I  was  seeking  you  both,  gentlemen,  thinking 
that,  as  you  are  supposed  to  possess  a  considerable  degree 
of  political  and  personal  influence,  you  might  serve  me  on  a 
point  which  I  have  at  heart. 

GAMMON. — Serve  you  ! — political  influence  ! — what  can  it 
mean  1  What  can  you  have  to  do  with  politics,  my  dear 
young  friend  ? 

MORTIMER. — I  hardly  dare  mention  what  I  wish  ...  it  is  .. 
it  is  .  .  an  office  ...  a  political  situation.  I  blush  to  ex 
press  such  desires,  for  I  must  confess  that  I  have  no  right,  no 
claim  to  any  thing  of  the  kind. 

RANDOLPH. — A  miracle  !  a  miracle !  a  candidate  who  con 
fesses  Ijkat  he  is  without  claims,  and  pleads  his  unworthiness ! 


22  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

Why,  my  young  friend,  have  you  been  lately  travelling  in 
the  moon !  Don't  use  such  language  in  public.  You  would 
be  looked  upon  as  a  simpleton,  and  be  ruined  for  ever. 

MORTIMER.— I  don't  understand 

RANDOLPH. — To  be  sure  you  don't.     Yet  believe  one  who 

'"   has  more  experience  than  you  have.     If  you  wish  to  succeed, 

j   be  bold  and  unscrupulous,  and  let  your  effrontery  be  equal  to 

1   your  unfitness  for  the  office  you  aim  at.     But,  you  are  not 

satisfied  with  having  a  cultivated  and  good  mind,  and  a  pure 

heart,  you  must,  forsooth,  be  modest !  .  .  .     And  you  are  an 

aspirant  to  office,  or  political  honors !     Go  back — go  back  to 

the  Governor's  plantation ;  drive  away  this  wild  fancy  from 

your  head,  and  learn  to  live  contented  in  rural  retirement, 

under  the  shade  of  some  towering  green  oak,  or  perfumed 

magnolia  tree.      [  With  a  lurking  sneer,  to  Gammon.]     What 

do  you  say  to  that,  Gammon,  eh  1     You  are  decidedly  the 

man  to  give  a  good  advice  in  this  matter. 

GAMMON. — Fie!  Randolph.  Don't  be  so  misanthropic. 
You  discourage  the  youth.  [To  Mortimer.'}  But  how  is  it, 
my  young  friend,  that  you  think  of  leaving  the  Governor's 
plantation  ?  I  have  heard  him  speak  highly  of  you,  and  you 
were  treated  by  him  rather  as  a  friend  than  as  one  in  his  pay. 

RANDOLPH. — I  can  also  testify  to  it.  The  Governor  is  a 
severe  judge ;  he  is  hard  to  please ;  and  yet  he  has  frequently, 
in  my  presence,  eulogized  your  zeal,  and  has  expressed  the 
opinion  that  you  would  one  day  become  one  of  the  best 
planters  in  the  State. 

MORTIMER. — [Bowing. ~\ — That  was  very  kind — but — but — 
he  has  lately  dismissed  me. 

GAMMON. — Indeed ! — I  am  amazed  !  What  can  be  the 
reason  1 

MORTIMER. — [  With  an  affectation  of  coldness  and  self-pos 
session.'] — I  don't  know.  He  gave  me  no  reasons.  He 
needed  me  no  more,  I  suppose.  Why  should  he  give  me 
any  reason  ?  I  do  not  complain  ;yhe  had  the  right  todct  as  he 


THE    .SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  I>3 

pleased.  Besides,  he  is  the  governor,  the  descendant  of  one 
of  our  most  aristocratic  families.  I  am  the  son  of  a  tavern- 
keeper,  of  a  beer-seller.  But  enough  of  this.  I  should  like 
another  situation  ;  that  is  all. 

GAMMON. — You  shall  have  it. 

RANDOLPH. — [Smiling.] — Certainly.  [Tapping  the  young 
man  on  the  shoulder  with  affectionate  familiarity]  And  since 
my  friend,  the  Governor,  understands  his  interests  so  little,  as 
to  deprive  himself  of  your  valuable  services,  I  am  anxious  to 
secure  them  on  my  own  account,  and  to  profit  by  his  errors. 
I  offer  you  at  White  Hall,  which,  you  know,  is  one  of  the 
largest  plantations  in  the  State,  the  same  situation  you  occu 
pied  at  the  Governor's.  Take  the  supreme  administration  of 
it,  on  what  terms  you  please.  As  a  man  of  business,  I  beg 
you  to  be  my  agent ;  as  a  man  of  the  wx>rld,  who  knows 
something  of  human  nature,  I  beg  you  to  be  my  friend. 

MORTIMER. — I  am  overwhelmed  with  .... 

RANDOLPH. — Nay ;  no  thanks.  I  deserve  none.  It  is  not 
every  man  who  is  blessed  with  the  good  fortune  of  securing 
a  highly  educated  man  as  an  overseer.  In  your  moments  of 
leisure — and  I  shall  contrive  that  you  have  some — we  shall 
read  Virgil  and  Homer  together. 

MORTIMER. — [  With  much  animation.'] — This  indeed  would 
be  winning  more  than  I  have  lost  .  .  .  but  .  .  .  unluckily,  I 
cannot  accept. 

RANDOLPH.  —  [Taking  his  hand  and  pressing  it  affectionately] 
— Is  it  also  because  you  suspect  me  of  being  an  aristocrat,  and 
cannot  forgive  the  historical  name  I  bear?  Do  you  suppose 
me  capable  of  entertaining  any  narrow-minded  prejudices? 

MORTIMER. — \JIurriedlij] — O!  no,  no  !  Mr.  Randolph.  I 
discriminate  between  Nature's  noblemen,  such  as  you,  and  the 
petty  aristocrat,  who  is  the  caprice  of  chance,  the  mere  acci 
dent  of  birth  or  wealth,  and  the  creature  of  the  conventional 
rules  of  society.  As  to  you,  Mr.  Randolph,  the  humblest  of 
your  fellow  citizens  knows,  when  he  looks  at  the  manly  and 


24  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

open  expression  of  your  face  and  at  the  bright  light  which, 
beaming  from,  your  eyes,  reveals  the  inward  man,  that,  if  lie 
has  any  merit,  any  moral  worth,  he  can  proffer  his  hand  to 
you  and  be  your  friend.  But,  excuse  me — I  ...  I  ...  it 
is,  no  doubt,  very  foolish  on  my  part — but  ....  I  have  at 
heart  to  become  a  politician. 

GAMMON. — [Apart.] — The  infection  spreads.  [To  Morti 
mer.']  Good  God !  Young  man — what  a  whim  !  What 
a  sudden  change  in  your  views !  What  can  be  the  cause 
of  it? 

MORTIMER. — I  have  a  powerful  reason  for  the  step  I  take, 
although  I  am  not  at  liberty  to  mention  it.  But  to  the  point. 
I  desire  to  be  appointed  assistant  engineer,  which  office  is  now 
vacant.  It  would  afford  me  the  opportunity  of  making  my 
self  known  throughout  the  State  and  of  securing  many  friends. 
It  might  thus,  in  the  end,  lead  to  the  consummation  of  my 
secret  wishes. 

GAMMON. — But  that  office  is  in  the  gift  of  the  Governor ! 
And  if  he  has  become  so  hostile  to  you,  as  to  dismiss  you  from 
his  family  ...  it  is  very  improbable  that  .... 

MORTIMER. — No;  he  may  not  have  the  same  reasons  to 
refuse  this  application  ...  and  .... 

GAMMON. — Besides,  you  know  that  I  am  now  opposing  him 
for  the  United  States  Senate,  and  it  is  not  likely  that  he  will 
mind  any  recommendation  of  mine.  He  will  think,  in  this 
case  particularly,  that  it  may  give  me  some  claims  to  your 
father's  support,  who  is  in  the  House.  No ;  he  won't  furnish 
the  rod  that  he  thinks  he  is  to  be  whipped  with. 

MORTIMER. — [Despondingly.] — Then  all  my  hopes  are 
dashed  to  the  ground,  and  despair  and  death  must  be  my 
lot ;  and  yet — he  who  could  serve  me  on  this  occasion,  might 
command  me  for  ever,  as  if  I  were  his  slave — his  dog ! 

RANDOLPH. — What !  .  .  .  My  young  friend — you  aspire 
to  be  a  politician,  and  at  the  least  prospect  of  disappointment, 
you  talk  of  despair  !  You — a  politician !  and  you  talk  of 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  25 

dying  because  of  a  little  crossing  in  the  path  of  your  hopes. 
Die !  [  With  a  tone  of  sympathy.']  It  would  be  a  serious 
loss  to  your  friends ;  and  .  .  .  remember  ...  I  am  one  of 
them.  As  such,  I  claim  the  privilege  of  straining  every 
nerve  to  procure  for  you  the  object  of  your  ambition. 

MORTIMER. — [With  transport.'] — What  do  I  hear!  Is  it 
possible  !  I  thank  you  with  heart  and  soul.  Did  I  not  judge 
of  you  rightly  !  Did  I  not  know  you  to  be  as  generous  and  un 
selfish  as  you  are  refined  in  manners,  elegant  in  tastes,  perfect 
in  education !  I  will  proclaim  you  my  benefactor,  and  I  am 
yours  to  the  death. 

RANDOLPH. — Pish !  Don't  magnify  a  mole-hill  into  a 
mountain.  I  please  myself  by  serving  you,  and  I  merely  do 
my  duty  when  securing  a  good  officer  for  the  State.  There 
fore  no  thanks.  Sit  down  at  that  table,  and  write  a  short 
letter  of  application  to  the  Governor.  I  will  deliver  it. 
[  Whilst  Mortimer  is  writing,  Randolph  approaches  Gammon, 
and  whispers  to  him:']  That  is  [pointing  to  Mortimer]  a 
warm,  a  true,  and  a  generous  heart,  Gammon ;  one  capable 
of  the  greatest  act  of  devotion  and  gratitude. 

GAMMON. — There  are  very  few  men  to  be  trusted,  Ran 
dolph — very  few !  But  do  you  really  think  that  he  can  be 
relied  upon  1 

RANDOLPH. — Yes ;  for  he  is  barely  twenty-one,  and  has  not 
yet  been  tossed  upon  the  treacherous  sea  of  the  world,  ancl 
buffeted  by  its  billows.  He  has  never  been  deceived,  and  is\ 
not  yet  a  deceiver!  But,  in  a  few  years  ...  it  may  be 
otherwise. 

GAMMON. — Why  ? 

RANDOLPH. — [Looking  fixedly  at  Gammon.] — Is  it  you, 
Mr.  Gammon,  with  your  gray  hairs,  and  that  secret  estima 
tion  of  mankind  which  you  keep  cautiously  buttoned  up  under 
your  coat,  who  ask  me  why  ?  Why  1  Indeed  !  Don't  you 
see  that  he  is  a  youth  now — in  a  few  years  he  will  be  a  man. 
With  too  much  experience  in  his  head,  and  with  a  heart  per- 


26  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

haps  crushed  into  an  inert  lump,  or  converted  into  a  thing  of 
gall  and  bitterness,  who  knows  what  he  may  be  then ! 

GAMMON. — A  truce  to  your  moralizing  !  But  to  the  point. 
Do  you  seriously  think  that  he  can  now  be  trusted  ?  Do 
you  think  it  would  be  wise  to  unfold  to  him  some  of  my 
plans,  and  to  convert  him  into  ...  I  will  not  say  ...  a 
tool  .  .  .  but  .  .  .  something  .  .  .  like  a  help  ...  a 
useful  agent1?  He  can  command  his  father's  press  and 
influence ;  he  has  talent  enough  to  write  a  good  article ; 
he  can  talk  well ;  he  could  operate,  not  only  on  his  father,  but 
on  two  or  three  of  his  father's  friends  in  the  House.  He 
might  scatter  about  in  Baton  Rouge  the  men  who  are  in  his 
father's  employment,  or  fill  with  them  the  lobbies  of  the 
Capitol.  They  are  very  numerous;  they  might  make  de 
monstrations  in  my  favor  in  all  the  public  places;  it  might 
tell  upon  the  representatives.  We  would  call  it  the  voice  of 
the  people. 

RANDOLPH. — No.  There  is  in  the  head  of  that  youth  some 
thing  else  than  ambition,  and  if  I  were  in  your  place  .  .  . 
if  I  were  a  politician  ...  I  would  .  .  .  but  I  am  not  in 
your  place,  and  I  am  not  a  politician !  I  care  not  for  poli 
tics  ;  I  will  not  meddle  with  the  dirty  trash.  Therefore  do 
as  you  please — and  mark  this,  Mr.  Gammon — whatever 
happens,  bear  you  in  mind  that  I  have  given  you  no  ad 
vice — that  I  never  sought  to  know  any  of  your  intended 
moves  on  the  chess-board — that  I  am  determined  to  remain 
neutral,  and  to  be  passive  in  the  great  struggle  that  is  going 
on. 

[Mortimer  rises,  and  presents  the  letter  he  has  written  to 
Randolph,  who  puts  it  in  his  pocket.  At  this  moment  the 
voice  of  BecTcendorf,  senior,  is  heard  behind  the  scene .] 

BECKENDORF. — [Behind  the  scene.~\ — Oh !  oh !  that  is  what  is 
called  a  republican  governor!  And  I  voted  for  him — fool 
that  I  was ! 


THE   SCHOOL   FOR  POLITICS.  21 

MORTIMER. — That  is  my  father's  voice.  He  seems  to  be 
in  a  passion ! 

RANDOLPH. — I  am  glad  that  he  comes.  I  will  converse 
with  him  on  the  subject  of  your  desires. 

MORTIMER. — For  God's  sake,  no.  I  have  for  the  present 
some  particular  reason  to  keep  him  in  ignorance  of  the  step 
I  take. 


SCENE  VII. 

[Beckendorf  enters.] 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  a  German  accent.] — That  is  to  say, 
that  if  I  was  not  aware  of  the  respect  due  to  the  Governor  of 
the  State,  I  would  go  to  his  Excellency,  and  tell  him  that  he 
is  a  puppy ! 

MORTIMER. — [  Walking  up  to  him,  and  in  a  soothing  tone] 
—Father ! 

BECKENDORF. — Stand  aside ;  am  I  not  in  a  free  country  1 
Have  I  come  all  the  way  here  from  Germany  not  to  speak 
my  mind  1  Stand  aside,  I  say.  By  the  by,  I  am  glad  you 
are  here.  You  shall  not  return  to  that  puppy's  plantation. 

GAMMON. — My  dear  old  friend,  what  is  the  matter  ? 

BECKENDORF. — What  is  the  matter  ?  Why,  the  press  has 
been  insulted — the  mechanics  of  the  State  have  been  treated 
with  contempt — the  Legislature  has  been  vilified. 

GAMMON. — Indeed !     In  what  way  ? 

BECKENDORF. — [Pompously] — In  my  person  ! 

GAMMON. — It  is  inconceivable,  and  you  speak  in  riddles. 

BECKENDORF. — The  riddle  is  a  plain  one.  I  waited  on  the 
Governor,  riot  long  ago,  at  his  own  house — mind  you — at  his 
own  particular  request,  as  he  had  sent  me  word  that  he 
wanted  several  barrels  of  my  best  beer,  and  desired  to  con 
verse  with  me  in  relation  to  a  communication  \vhich  he 
wished  to  appear  in  my  paper,  and  in  which  his  claim  to  the 


28  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

United  States  Senate  were  to  be  strongly  advocated  by  some 
disinterested  friend — himself.  I  suppose.  I  had  also  intended 
to  avail  myself  of  this  opportunity  to  lay  before  him  my 
views  as  to  the  safest  policy  to  be  pursued  both  by  the  State 
and  General  Government  on  those  great  topics  which  now 
absorb  the  attention  of  the  world.  But  what  has  happened  ? 
— mind  you. 

GAMMON. — I  cannot  guess  .  .  .  perhaps  .  .  . 

BECKENDORF. — Stop !  I'll  tell  you.  I  was  kept  waiting 
half  an  hour  in  his  parlor,  when,  forsooth,  at  the  very  mo 
ment  I  was  dropping  asleep,  a  servant  came  in  and  told  me 
that  his  Excellency  was  indisposed,  and  begged  me  to  return 
to-morrow ! 

RANDOLPH. — Is  it  possible  1 

BECKENDORF. — If  it  had  been  true,  it  would  have  been 
nothing ;  I  am  not  over  sensitive.  But,  just  as  I  was  crossing 
the  porch,  on  my  way  out,  I  met  his  youngest  daughter — a 
very  pretty  child,  by  the  by — rosy  cheeks — sweet  German 
face — pat  her  on  the  head,  and  say  to  her,  "  And  so  Pa  is 
sick — sorry  for  it."  She  looks  up  and  answers,  with  a  toss 
of  her  little  head  :  "  Pa  is  not  sick."  "  Not  sick  !"  said  I ; 
"not  in  bed1?"  "No;  Pa  is  in  the  dining-room,  talking 
politics  with  some  gentlemen  and  drinking  Madeira.  Pa 
wants  to  take  us  all  to  Washington."  Now  you  have  the 
whole  of  it,  mind  you !  Did  you  ever  hear  of  such  an  out 
rage? 

GAMMON. — It  is  too  monstrous!  There  must  be  some 
error. 

BECKENDORF. — No ;  fact !  I  tell  you.  It  is  the  unvarnished 
and  truthful  tale  of  an  innocent  child — the  best  of  witnesses — 
mind  you. 

RANDOLPH. — [With  an  affectation  of  the  deepest  concern.'] 
— No !  no  !  That  is  too  strong.  I  cannot  believe  it. 

BECKENDORF. — It  cannot  be,  however,  the  object  of  a  doubt. 
On  receiving  such  information  from  the  girl,  I  went  round 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  29 

the  house  myself,  looked  into  the  dining-room  through  a  win 
dow,  and  saw  the  parties  sipping  their  wine,  as  I  had  been 
told!  Thus,  gentlemen,  one  of  the  most  respectable  and 
oldest  of  the  naturalized  citizens,  one  of  the  directors  of  the 
Baton  Rouge  Bank,  one  of  the  members  of  the  press,  a  man 
who  employs  a  hundred  voters  in  his  beer  manufacture,  in 
his  printing  establishment,  and  numerous  shops,  and  last  not 
least,  a  member  of  the  Legislature,  could  not  get  access  to 
the  Governor,  because  his  republican  Excellency  was  con 
cocting  with  a  sycophantic  gang  the  best  plan  to  secure  his 
election  to  the  office  he  covets.  I  think  he  had  better  be  a 
good  governor  [what  many  think,  by  the  by,  he  is  far  from 
being]  before  aspiring  to  be  something  else. 

MORTIMER. — [Deprecatingly.'] — Father!  father!  Be  more 
circumspect. 

BECKENDORF. — Pish !  I  don't  forget  that  I  came  here  a 
poor  redemptioner.  But,  God  helping,  and  with  the  assist 
ance  of  my  good  wife,  Gertrude,  the  daughter  of  honest  Peter 
Bluff,  the  butcher,  and  the  most  industrious  woman  that  ever 
was  born  on  the  banks  of  our  blue  Rhine,  I  have  raised  my 
self  to  what  I  am,  to  be  respected,  and  to  be  the  master  of  a 
pretty  independent  fortune  ;  and  I  should  like  to  see  the  man 
who  could  reproach  me  with  unfair  dealings;  and  I  do  not 
know  if  there  are  many  of  our  governors  and  great  men  in 
the  State  who  can  say  as  much. 

RANDOLPH. — [With  dignity. ,] — Mr.  Beckendorf!  You  for 
get  what  is  due 

BECKENDORF. — Nay,  sir ;  I  name  nobody.  God  save  the 
State  !  But  as  to  governors  and  would-be  senators  in  gen 
eral  .... 

MORTIMER. — Father  !  father !  this  is  the  way  to  raise  ene 
mies! 

BECKENDORF. — What  do  I  care  1  What  have  I  to  fear  ?  I 
will  show  some  folks  what  a  man  can  do,  with  a  newspaper  at 
his  command — a  beer  manufacture — five  tippling  establish- 


30  THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS. 

ments — two  hundred  thousand  dollars  invested  in  real  estate 
and  stocks,  and  with  other  means  which  I  need  not  boast  of. 

RANDOLPH. — [ylst'cfe.] — That  bombastic  fool  is  right.  He 
would  be  worth  much  under  a  proper  direction.  [Whilst 
Mortimer  takes  his  father  aside  to  pacify  him,  Randolph  walks 
up  to  Gammon,  and  pointing  to  Beckendorf,  says :]  That  man 
is  one  of  the  most  important  helps  you  can  have. 

GAMMON. — You  must  b'e  jesting.  He  is  but  a  blustering, 
honest  blockhead — a  bag  of  wind. 

RANDOLPH. — So  much  the  better.  Rip  up  the  bag ;  let  the 

wind  escape it  may  grow  into  a  tempest,  and  sink  your 

adversary's  ship. 

GAMMON. — Bah ! — The  man  is  as  empty  as  a  drum. 

RANDOLPH. — Beat  it  to  the  proper  tune.  The  sound  of  the 
drum  frequently  leads  to  victory.  If  I  were  ambitious,  and  a 
politician — if  I  thought  it  advisable  to  work  that  rich  mine  of 
imbecile  vanity,  I  would  make  it  yield  to  me  as  much  profit 
as  the  best  gold  one  in  California. 

GAMMON. — You  think  so!  Really!  [He  walks  up  to 
Beckendorf,  takes  him  by  the  arm,  and  leads  him  aside.]  I 
am  deeply  grieved,  Mr.  Beckendorf,  at  your  having  been 
treated  with  so  much  disrespect.  I,  for  my  part,  honor  men 
of  your  character,  who  are  the  very  bone  and  sinew  of  our 
country,  and  I  want  to  prove  it  to  you.  But  let  it  be  under 
stood  that  this  is  to  be  strictly  confidential.  [Bcckendorf 
nods  assent.]  Well  then  !  if  you  are  not  appreciated  in  the 
executive  chamber  here,  in  other  quarters  your  merits  are 
better  known.  I  have  lately  received  a  communication  from 
a  very  distinguished  source  at  Washington,  which  I  am  not 
permitted  to  designate  more  particularly.  In  that  communi 
cation,  I  am  told  that  the  government  thinks  it  sound  policy 
to  give  a  diplomatic  appointment  of  some  importance  to  a 
naturalized  citizen,  and  that  the  compliment  is  intended  for 
Louisiana.  I  have  been  consulted  on  the  subject,  and  on  the 
proper  person  to  be  sent  from  our  State  to  one  of  the  Ger- 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  31 

man  courts;  and  with  your  permission,  I  will  recommend 
you  as  one  of  the  best  qualified  men  in  the  United  States  for 
that  mission  ....  and  .  .  .  and  ....  Mr.  Beckendorf,  if  I  suc 
ceed  in  being  elected  Senator,  I  have  no  doubt  that  you  may 
consider  that  appointment  as  yours. 

BECKENDORF. — My  dear  sir — I  am  so  confused  .  .  . 

GAMMON. — Not  a  word  !  Hush  !  Remember the  ut 
most  secrecy  !  Mum  !  [  Walking  back  with  Beckendorf  to 
the  other  actors,  he  says  to  him :]  By  the  by,  Mr.  Becken 
dorf,  your  beer  is  growing  in  reputation  every  day  ;  so  much 
so,  that  many  of  my  friends  in  New  Orleans,  when  I  left  it 
for  Baton  Rouge,  gave  me  commands  for  the  article,  and  I 
beg  you  to  send  twenty  barrels  of  your  best  and  stoutest  to 
my  address  at  New  Orleans. 

BECKENDORF. — I  will  do  so  with  pleasure.  I  have  pre* 
cisely  that  number  of  picked  barrels,  which  I  had  laid  aside 
for  my  own  use,  and  which,  on  reflection,  I  had  intended  to 
cede  to  the  Governor,  who  told  me  he  was  going  to  have  his 
eldest  daughter  married  in  a  few  days,  and  who,  to  curry  pop 
ularity,  thinks  of  giving  to  the  whole  town,  on  that  occasion, 
a  grand  entertainment,  in  which  he  will  make  beer  flow  like 
water  in  his  garden  for  the  benefit  of  the  good  people.  No 
bad  idea,  that,  mind  you !  But  now  he  shall  not  have  my 
choice  beer,  the  puppy !  I'll  keep  it  for  you. 

MORTIMER. — [  With  evident  perturbation.'] — The  Governor's 
daughter  is  to  be  married ! 

RANDOLPH. — \_Looking  at  Mortimer  with  marked  attention , 
and  speaking  with  slow  emphasis.] — Yes — certainly — she  is 
to  be  married  to  Lovedale,  the  nephew  of  Trimsail.  He 
has  many  qualifications,  for  he  is  a  good-looking  young 
man,  a  dead  shot,  a  promising  politician,  a  fair  stump 
speaker,  and  a  member  of  the  Legislature. 

MORTIMER. — \To  himself  with  consternation.] — She  is  to 
be  soon  married ! 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  a  bluff  tone] — What  is  that  to  you  ? 


32  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

MORTIMER. — [Coldly,  and  with  affected  self-possession.'] 
True,  it  is  nothing  to  me. 

RANDOLPH. — [Looking  towards  the  side-scenes.'] — So  ho  ! 
the  Governor  leaves  his  office,  and  I  suppose,  closes  it  for  the 
day.  He  seems  to  be  crossing  the  rotunda  to  come  here. 

BECKENDORF. — I  am  too  much  excited  to  see  him  now.  I 
must  go. 

GAMMON. — Well,  I'll  join  you.  Let  us  go  and  take  some 
refreshment. 

BECKENDORF. — [To  Mortimer.'] — Do  you  come,  Mortimer? 
and  you,  Mr.  Randolph  1 

RANDOLPH. — No,  thank  you.  I  must  tarry  here  awhile, 
and  keep  Mr.  Mortimer  with  me,  if  you  permit  it. 

BECZENDORF. — I  wish  I  could  always  leave  him  in  such 
good  company.  [Exit  with  Gammon.'] 

RANDOLPH. — [To  Mortimer. ~] — Wait  for  me  there  [point 
ing  to  the  side-scenes'].  You  will  know  immediately  the 
Governor's  answer  to  your  application. 

MORTIMER. — [Bowing  and  withdrawing.] — Much  obliged 
to  you,  sir. 


SCENE  VIII. 

[Enter  Governor.] 

GOVERNOR. — Good  evening,  Randolph.  Having  been  in 
formed  of  your  being  here,  I  have  come  to  take  you  home  to 
supper.  Let  us  adjourn  definitively  for  the  day. 

RANDOLPH. — Many  thanks  for  your  kind  attention.  But, 
if  I  accompany  you  home,  you  will  kill  me  with  politics,  and 
you  know  it  affects  my  nerves  to  hear  the  vile  subject  men 
tioned. 

GOVERNOR. — It  is  what  your  friends  complain  of.  You 
have  at  your  disposal  all  the  elements  necessary  to  secure 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  33 

success  in  politics — money  and  talent.  Why  should  you 
not  have  ambition  1 

RANDOLPH. — Faith !  there  are  so  many  ambitious  men 
that  I  may  well  dispense  with  increasing  their  number. 

GOVERNOR. — But  you  might  help  your  friends  ! 

RANDOLPH. — I  have  friends  enlisted  against  one  another. 
I  cannot  help  one  of  them  without  opposing  the  rest.  There 
fore  I  remain  neutral,  from  taste  and  policy. 

GOVERNOR. — Then  only  favor  me  with  your  advice. 

RANDOLPH. — I  cannot  do  so  without  knowing  your  political 
secrets  and  manceuvrings  ....  and  it  might  embarrass  me 
to  know  them. 

GOVERNOR. — But  stop.  There  is  no  necessity  for  such 
scruples.  What  I  am  going  to  tell  you  is  no  secret.  That 
blunderbuss  of  a  German,  the  thick-headed  Beckendorf,  I 
have  offended  unwillingly ;  first,  by  dispensing  with  the 
services  of  his  son  at  my  plantation  ;  and  next,  by  not  re 
ceiving  him  when  he  lately  called  at  my  house.  But  I  could 
not  do  otherwise  in  both  cases.  I  know  that  the  man  is 
neither  to  be  coaxed  back  nor  conciliated.  The  caucus  takes 
place  to-morrow,  and,  should  he  be  active  against  me,  I  fear 
that  he  might  do  a  great  deal  of  mischief.  What  is  to  be 
done  ? 

RANDOLPH. — Not  being  expert  in  electioneering,  I  cannot 
tell.  But  old  Beckendorf  is  a  true  German  in  his  propensi 
ties,  and  loves  his  pipe  and  his  Rhenish  wine  a  little  too 
much  sometimes,  as  the  rumor  goes,  and  should  he  get  in 
toxicated  to-morrow  ....  and  not  attend  the  meeting  .... 

GOVERNOR. — [Eagerly. ~\ — Do  you  advise  me  to  .... 

RANDOLPH. — [Coldly.'] — I  advise  nothing.  But  [in  a  jest 
ing  and  light  tone]  this  puts  me  in  mind  of  a  bad  joke  that 
was  perpetrated  north  of  the  Potomac,  whilst  I  was  travelling 
in  that  part  of  the  United  States.  Thus  the  story  runs : — It 
seems  that  it  was  necessary  to  get  rid,  on  an  occasion  like  this, 
of  an  individual  who  was  a  nuisance,  and,  as  in  this  enlightened 
2* 


34  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

age  it  is  not  permitted  to  dispose  of  a  human  incumbrance  in 
the  summary  manner  which  was  the  fashion  in  better  days, 
long  gone  by,  a  new  device  was  hit  upon.  The  obnoxious  in 
dividual  was  invited  to  dinner  somewhere,  and  so  handsomely 
feasted  that  there  was  no  sense,  or  even  consciousness-  of  self, 
left  in  him  at  the  hour  when  he  was  wanted  elsewhere ;  and 
when  his  friends  sought  for  him,  they,  to  their  astonishment, 
discovered  that  he  and  perfection  were  very  much  alike. 

GOVERNOR. — How  ? 

RANDOLPH. — Because,  like  perfection,  he  was  nowhere  to  be 
found. 

GOVERNOR. — [Laughing.] — Good !  very  good  !  But  this, 
my  friend,  would  be  rather  a  dangerous  game ;  and  ....  if 
it  could  be  traced  to  me  .... 

RANDOLPH. — Therefore  am  I  very  far  from  advocating  such 
a  course.  On  the  contrary,  I  deprecate  it.  After  all,  was 
there  ever  a  precedent  for  it  in  this  land  of  eternal  political 
warfare  1  Who  knows  whether  the  anecdote  I  have  related 
is  true  or  not !  I  repeated  it  as  I  heard  it,  and  never  troubled 
myself  about  ascertaining  its  correctness. 

GOVERNOR. — [Musingly .] — After  all,  if  a  man  gets  drunk 
....  whose  fault  is  it '? 

RANDOLPH. — [In  a  careless  tone.'] — As  you  say,  whose  fault 
is  it  ?  Certainly  not  that  of  the  man  who  entertains,  but  of 
him  who  makes  a  bad  use  of  the  entertainment ;  and  .... 
if  the  man  who  is  drunk,  on  his  staggering  home,  is  inveigled 
by  some  wag,  and,  out  of  fun,  is  shut  up  in  some  dark  corner 
..  .  .  whose  fault  is  it? 

GOVERNOR. — -Why,  the  drunkard's,  to  be  sure.  He  is  the 
only  one  to  be  blamed.  Faith !  Randolph,  this  is  a  capital 
idea! 

RANDOLPH. — Which  comes  entirely  and  exclusively  from 
yourself,  and  to  which  I  can  not  lay  the  slightest  claim. 

GOVERNOR. — Well !  well !  I'll  ruminate  on  it.  But,  be 
fore  we  part,  I  have  a  personal  favor  to  ask  of  you. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  35 

RANDOLPH. — You  have  only  to  speak. 

GOVERNOR. — Lovedale,  the  nephew  of  Trirasail,  is  betrothed 
to  my  daughter,  and  as  his  plantation  is  heavily  mortgaged 
to  the  Louisiana  State  Bank,  were  he  elected  one  of  the 
directors  of  that  institution  it  might  help  him  a  great  deal  as 
to  obtaining  facilities.  The  amount  of  your  stocks  is  so 
large,  and  your  influence  over  the  principal  stockholders  is 
such,  that  your  support  is  equivalent  to  an  election.  I  hope 
there  will  be  no  objection  made. 

EANDOLPH. — How  cquld  there  be  any  1 

GOVERNOR. — [Hesitatingly.']— -It  might  be  objected  that  he 
is  too  young — hardly  twenty-two  years  old ;  that  he  is  much 
in  debt  ....  that  he  knows  nothing  about  the  management 
of  a  bank  .  .  .  that  .  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — [Sarcastically.] — Youth  is  one  of  the  most 
powerful  qualifications  that  a  candidate  can  rely  upon  nowa 
days,  and  his  being  totally  unacquainted  with  the  duties  of 
the  office  he  aspires  to  is  another  very  strong  recommendation. 
He  will  be  a  Young  America  director — that's  all.  As  to  his 
being  much  in  debt,  I  regret  that  he  is  not  actually  a  bank 
rupt,  he  would  then  be  sure  of  being  elected. 

GOVERNOR. — [Smiling.] — There  may  be  some  truth  at  the 
bottom  of  your  jest.  But .  .  .  seriously  speaking,  it  is  not 
without  reason  that  you  are  held  by  your  friends  to  be  the 
most  amiable,  the  best  bred,  the  most  conciliating,  the  most 
disinterested 

RANDOLPH. — Stop,  my  dear  governor,  for  I  am  going  to 
show  myself  unworthy  of  your  panegyric.  "[Pulling  a  paper 
out  of  his  coat-pocket]  Thus,  in  my  turn,  I  have  to  ask  a 
small  favor  at  your  hands. 

GOVERNOR. — It  is  granted  on  the  spot. 

RANDOLPH. — But  look  at  the  paper  before  you  take  any 
engagement.  [He  hands  the  paper  to  the  governor] 

GOVERNOR. — No  matter  what  it  is.  [Looking  at  the 
paper]  Good  heavens!  Mortimer  Beckendorf!  asking  for 


36  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

the   office  of  assistant-engineer! That  cannot  be. 

RANDOLPH. — [Taking  cigars  deliberately  from  his  pocket, 
offers  one  to  the  governor,  who  declines,  and  slowly  lighting  one, 
says,  with  a  tone  of  indifference  !] — You  think  so  !  and  why  1 
.  .  my  excellent  friend  ! 

GOVERNOR. — [  With  embarrassment.^ — He  is  the  son  of 
that  obtuse  German,  who,  I  understand,  is  now  abusing  me 
in  every  direction — and  calling  me  a  puppy — forsooth  ! 

RANDOLPH. — The  father  talks  against  you,  it  is  true  ;  but 
the  son  is  as  dumb  as  an  oyster. 

GOVERNOR. — Besides,  to  speak  confidentially,  I  must  keep 
the  office  in  abeyance — it  may  be  to  reward  an  influential 
partisan  for  his  vote  in  the  House.  You  see  that  I  cannot 
afford  to  dispose  of  it  now.  It  would  weaken  me. 

RANDOLPH. — Perhaps  not.     It  might  pacify  the  father. 

GOVERNOR. — I  doubt  it.  I  know  too  well  his  bull-headed 
German  obstinacy.  But  how  come  you  to  take  such  an 
interest  in  the  youngster? 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  you  know  the  State  has  ordered  a 
road  to  be  made  in  the  vicinity  of  my  plantation — White 
Hall — and  it  may  become  important  for  me  to  exercise  some 
influence  over  the  engineering  department.  It  might  secure 
the  prompt  execution  of  the  work.  So  you  see  that,  if  I 
care  not  about  politics,  I  have  an  eye  to  my  private  interest. 
Moreover,  I  confess  that  I  have  taken  a  fancy  to  Mortimer. 

GOVERNOR. — But  he  is  so  young  !  Besides,  he  knows 
nothing  of  the  duties  of  the  office  for  which  he  applies. 

RANDOLPH. — As  we  were  saying  just  now :  young  America 
rules  the  day  !  Youth  and  incapacity  !  .  .  These  are  the  only 
qualifications  required  in  this  progressive  age.  It  may  be 
that  Mortimer  knows  little  about  engineering — but  what 
does  your  intended  son-in-law  know  about  banking  ?  They 
will  both  learn. 

GOVERNOR. — -But  I  lately  dismissed  that  young  man  from 
my  family. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  37 

RANDOLPH. — Is  it  for  any  want  of  honesty,  capacity,  or 
zeal1? 

GOVERNOR. — No,  but  for  some  weighty  reasons  entirely 
personal  to  me. 

RANDOLPH. — After  all, — if  there  are  any  serious  obstacles 
in  the  way,  I  insist  no  longer.  I  respect  your  scruples,  my 
dear  governor.  Nay,  I  approve  them,  and  may  follow  your 
good  example,  on  the  proper  occasion. 

GOVERNOR. — [Aside.] — Damnation  !  [To  Randolph,  and 
endeavoring  to  conceal  his  vexation.]  Randolph !  Randolph  ! 
I  am  afraid  you  can  do  with  me  what  you  please.  Well ! 
I  will  take  the  matter  into  consideration. 

RANDOLPH. — [With  affected  indifference^ — Good!  very 
good.  Do  so  ...  when  it  will  suit  your  convenience ;  for  in 
stance  ...  in  the  course  of  the  evening.  The  Secretary  of 
State  told  me  he  had  a  great  deal  of  occupation,  and  would  re 
main  in  his  office  until  ten.  You  have,  as  you  see,  plenty  of 
time  to  reflect,  and  to  order  the  commission  to  be  issued 
before  you  retire. 

GOVERNOR. — [Much  perplexed.] — My  dear  friend,  it  is  too 
late.  The  Secretary  of  State  has  gone  home. 

RANDOLPH. — [Pulling  out  his  watch.] — No;  very  early 
yet !  very  early  ;  only  a  quarter  of  nine. 

GOVERNOR. — You  are  too  slow. 

RANDOLPH. — Never  !  and  the  proof  of  it  is,  that  I  never  was 
too  late  in  any  thing. 

GOVERNOR. — [Smiling.] — So  I  perceive ;  on  this  occasion 
at  least.  [  With  great  cordiality.]  Well  ...  we  shall  see 
....  come  to  supper. 

RANDOLPH. — I  cannot  as  yet  say  yes  ....  I  must  pause, 
and  consider.  My  stomach  is  weak,  and  I  am  troubled  with 
spasms.  I  feel  them  now.  I'll  meet  you  in  a  few  minutes  at 
the  office  of  the  Secretary  of  State,  and,  perhaps,  I  may  then 
feel  better.  But,  well  or  unwell,  I  promise  you  not  to  fail  to 
attend  at  the  Bank,  when  the  election  in  which  you  take  so 


38  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

much  interest,  on  account  of  your  intended  son-in-law,  shall 
come  on. 

GOVERNOR. — I  trust  you  will.  Well !  I  leave  you,  and, 
according  to  your  wishes,  I'll  wait  for  you  at  the  office  of  the 
Secretary  of  State.  You  must  sup  with  me. 


SCENE  IX. 

RANDOLPH. — [  Going  towards  the  side-scenes,  and  beckoning 
to  Mortimer.'] — Mr.  Mortimer  !  Mr.  Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. — Well !  my  generous  patron,  what  am  I  to  ex 
pect  1  I  was  dying  with  impatience  ! 

RANDOLPH. — You  are  appointed — you  are  assistant  en 
gineer. 

MORTIMER. — Is  it  possible  ! 

RANDOLPH. — To-morrow,  I  will  call  at  your  father's  house 
and  will  myself  fetch  your  commission  to  you. 

MORTIMER. — You  are  much  ....  much  too  kind !  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — One  word  more — it  is  to  give  you  a  warning 
— but  under  a  solemn  oath  of  secrecy.  Your  father  has  been 
imprudent — he  speaks  too  fearlessly  ;  it  is  dangerous  ;  he  has 
enemies,  in  whose  way  he  might  stand. 

MORTIMER. — Good  God  !  sir ;  you  don't  mean  that  aught 
is  meditated  against  his  person. 

RANDOLPH. — Don't  be  alarmed.  I  do  not  mean  any  assault 
endangering  limb  or  life ;  but  perhaps  some  stratagem  or  de 
vice  which  might  bring  disgrace,  ridicule,  or  shame  on  him. 

MORTIMER. — Pray,  give  me  some  more  precise  informa 
tion. 

RANDOLPH. — I  cannot.  Perhaps,  after  all,  have  I  been  de 
ceived.  There  may  be,  or  there  may  not  be,  a  cause  for 
what  I  tell  you.  Be  it  as  it  may,  you  are  warned.  Watch 
over  your  father — forewarned — forearmed — you  know.  So 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  39 

runs  the  saying.     Above  all,  keep  this  secret  to  yourself,  and 
be  prudent. 

MORTIMER. — I  will.  I  would  rather  die  than  do  aught  to 
displease  you  .  .  [Pressing  Randolph's  hand,  he  says  with 
great  emotion :]  Good  bye,  sir ;  may  the  time  soon  come, 
when  I  may  prove  to  you  that  I  possess  what  has  been  rightly 
called — the  memory  of  the  heart — gratitude!  \_ExitJ\ 

RANDOLPH. — [Alone.~] — Excellent  young  man  !  A  rich 
compound  of  generous  feelings  and  noble  faith  in  those  of 
others!  [With  the  deepest  tone  of  dejection .]  So  I  was  at 
twenty.  Would  to  God  that  my  soul — that  my  soul  had 
never  grown  older — much  older  than  the  body — and  that  its 
sweet  illusions  had  not  dropped  one  by  one  like  autumnal 
leaves !  [Smiling  with  bitter  scorn.]  After  all,  it  is  better 
perhaps  as  it  is  ;  yes,  it  is  wisely  ordained.  He  who,  under 
the  tuition  of  that  rough  master,  experience,  has  spelt  and 
studied  the  most  useful  of  books,  the  human  heart,  has  learned 
there  a  lesson  which  ought  to  prevent  him  from  being  de 
ceived.  .  .  .  But  it  is  time  to  meet  his  Excellency  at  the 
office  of  the  Secretary  of  State. 
{.Exit.} 


SCENE  I. 

BECKENDORF'S  HOUSE — AN  APARTMENT  PARTAKING  OF  THE  CHARAC 
TER  OF  THE  COUNTING-ROOM  AND  OF  THE  PARLOR — BECKENDORF 
IS  WRITING  AT  A  DESK AT  SOME  DISTANCE  GERTRUDE  IS  OPEN 
ING  A  PARCEL  OF  LETTERS SHE  RISES,  AND  COMING  UP  TO 

BECKENDORF,  SAYS  I 

GERTRUDE. — Here  are  orders  for  beer  from  Donald  son ville, 
Plaquemines,  Alexandria,  New  Orleans,  Natchez,  Vicksburg, 
and  other  places. 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  impatience.] — Very  well !  wife,  very 
well ! 

GERTRUDE. — There  are  also  letters  from  your  agents  at 
those  places  where  you  keep  beer-drinking  establishments. 
Some  of  them  are  pressing,  and  require  immediate  answers. 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  increased  impatience] — You  see  how 
very  busy  I  arn,  my  dear ! 

GERTRUDE. — It  would  also  be  necessary  to  write  without 
loss  of  time  to  that  rich  beer-house  keeper  of  Cincinnati  .... 

BECKENDORF. — A  beer-house  keeper  ! 

GERTRUDE. — He  is  one  of  our  best  customers. 

BECKENDORF. — You  talk  to  me  of  writing  to  a  tavern- 
keeper,  when  I  am  just  now  addressing  the  President  of  the 
United  States ! 

GERTRUDE. — r[  With  astonishment] — You ! 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  41 

BECKENDORF. — [Laying  by  his  pen,  and  with  emphasis.~\ — 
Wife !— look  at  me ! 

GERTRUDE. — Well ! 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  increased  emphasis.'] — Look  at  me — 
I  say! 

GERTRUDE. — [Alarmed.'] — Gracious  heaven  !  what  is  the 
matter  ?  Are  you  sick  ? 

BECKENDORF. — Tut! — Sick  !— Look  at  me,  and  tell  me 
whether  you  would  like  to  be  the  wife  of  a  minister  plenipo 
tentiary  ! 

GERTRUDE. — [In  utter  amazement.] — A  wrhat  1 

BECKENDORF. — A  minister  plenipotentiary  ! 

GERTRUDE.  —  Husband  !  husband  !  you  frighten  me.  Are 
you  mad  ?  Since  you  have  been  meddling  with  politics,  and 
since  you  have  become  the  proprietor  of  a  newspaper,  you 
have  lost  that  rough,  but  solid,  straightforward,  unsophisti 
cated,  sound  common  sense  which  I  remarked  in  you,  when 
you  first  loved  me — the  daughter  of  plain  Peter  Bluff,  the 
butcher,  and  which  so  far  has  carried  you  successfully  through 
life.  What,  or  who  has  lately  infected  you  with  such  crack- 
brained  notions  ? 

BECKENDORF. — Crack-brained  notions!  I  tell  you  that  I 
have  it  from  the  best  authority,  that  I  am  recommended  to 
the  President  for  a  mission  to  one  of  the  German  courts. 
Our  friend  Gammon,  who  is  one  of  the  greatest  politicians 
of  the  age,  and  who  has  the  ear  of  the  President,  has  assured 
me  confidentially  of  the  fact. 

GERTRUDE. — [.4«We.] — Ho  !  ho !  does  the  shaft  come  from 
that  bow?  [Here  some  hooting  and  peals  of  laughter  are 
heard  in  the  street.  Gertrude  looks  out  of  a  window,  then 
comes  to  Beckendorf,  and  leading  him  by  the  arm  to  the  win 
dow,  says  :]  What  do  you  see  there  ? 

BECKENDORF. — As  I  live ! — Gammon  walking  lovingly  and 
arm  in  arm  with  that  swinish  brute,  Tubfull,  the  member 
from  St.  Tammany.  How  drunk  is  Tubfull !  How  the 


42  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

fellow  hiccups  and  tosses  his  arms,  and  hangs  on  Gammon's 
neck,  and  slabbers  on  him !  I  declare — Gammon  deserves 
some  credit  for  the  serene  and  I  might  say  heroic  composure 
with  which  he  goes  through  the  ordeal.  The  lookers  on,  and 
particularly  the  little  blackguards  of  the  street,  seem  to  en 
joy  it  richly. 

GERTRUDE. — [Tapping  Beckendorf  on  the  shoulder. ~\ — Hus 
band  !  the  man  who  can  do  that  to  get  a  vote,  can  tell  afty 
lies  to  serve  his  purposes. 

BECKENDORF. — Pish  !  wife  !  Do  you  know  how  we  call 
what  you  see  there  1  We  call  it  making  political  capital. 
That  is  one  of  the  tricks  of  politicians — that  is  the  way  to 
become  popular  !  What  do  you  know  about  politics  and 
politicians  1 

GERTRUDE. — Nothing — thank  God.  But  I  know  some 
thing  about  what  becomes  an  honest,  decent  man,  and  I  am 
sure  that  we  have  not  been  looking  at  one  now. 


SCENE    II. 
[Enter  JOHN  TOBIAS  NUTMEG.] 

JOHN. — [Carrying  a  basket  of  empty  bottles] — I  come  from 
the  barkeeper  in  Lafayette  street  .  .  . 

BECKENDORF. — Well !  what's  that  to  me  ?  What  do  you 
want  ? 

JOHN. — The  barkeeper  wants  some  more  brandy  and 
whisky.  He  says  that  the  last  you  sent  him  was  too  mild. 
The  customers  complain;  they  want  something  that  sticks 
more  to  the  throat,  and  leaves  some  remembrance  behind. 

BECKENDORF.— ^Go  to  the  devil!  Do  you  think  that  I  have 
time  to  plague  myself  about  such  things  now  ?  It  is  true 
that  the  customers  of  that  shop  bring  me  a  handsome 
revenue.  Well,  wife,  it  must  be  your  business  more  than 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS.  43 

mine  at  the  present  moment.  [Significantly.]  You  know 
that  I  have  something  more  important  to  attend  to.  [He 
resumes  writing.] 

JOHN.-  -[Drawing  a  bag  from  his  big  coats  pocket.] — .  .  .  . 
And  here  is  .... 

BECKENDORF. — [Impatiently.] — Again  !  When  will  you 
have  done  ? 

JOHN. — Here  is  the  money  which  the  barkeeper  gave  me 
as  the  net  produce  of  last  month's  drinking. 

BECKENDORF. — [Taking  the  bag.] — How  vexatious  it  is  to 
have  anything  to  do  with  such  humiliating  details  !  [Return 
ing  the  bag.]  Carry  it  to  my  first  clerk  .  .  .  and  ...  let  me 
alone,  [Writes  again.']  "  Yes,  Mr.  President,  in  relation  to 
those  intricate  questions  of  German  politics  on  which  you 
may  wish  for  my  opinion."  .  .  . 

JOHN. — [Making  the  motion  of  weighing  the  bag  he  holds.] 
Humiliating  details  indeed  !  I  wish  I  had  a  cart-load  of  such 
humiliating  details  to  deal  with  on  my  own  account. 

GERTRUDE. — Look  you — John — you  have  been  very  long 
in  executing  rny  errands.  You  haveiost  time,  I  am  afraid— 
and  time  is  money — and  who  loses  time,  and  therefore 
money,  gets  into  the  worst  of  habits. 

JOHN. — [ylszVfc.] — Bless  me  !  I  guess  that  here  woman  is 
not  like  her  husband.  She  is  as  clear-sighted  as  a  New 
\Hampshire  bald-headed  eagle,  and  as  vigilant  as  a  Connecti- 
jcut  old  maiden  cat.  [To  Gertrude]  I  beg  to  be  excused 
for  this  time,  old  lady.  But  I  could  not  help  stopping  occa 
sionally  ....  you  see  ....  at  the  street  corners — where 
there  are  clusters  of  men  talking  with  so  much  excitement 
that  you  would  think  they  are  stark  mad. 

GERTRUDE. — What  can  be  the  matter  1 

BECKENDORF. — [Interrupting  his  writing,  but  still  remain 
ing  at  his  desk,  says  with  a  tone  of  affected  importance  :]  It  is 
because  the  election  of  a  United  States  Senator  is  shortly  to 
take  place.  The  excitement  is  tremendous.  Our  small  town 


44  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

is  crowded  with  people  from  New  Orleans  and  every  other 
part  of  the  State.  But  what  do  such  folks  as  you  know  or 
care  about  such  things  1 

JOHN. — I  beg  your  pardon,  sir  ;  so  far  as  /am  concerned,  it 
is  my  duty,  as  a  free  born  American  citizen,  to  know  something 
about  the  affairs  of  my  country,  and  therefore  I  spent  two 
hours  in  the  streets,  and  about  the  coffee-houses,  inquiring 
into  what  was  going  on.  I  tell  you  ...  it  is  quite  funny  — 
quite  exhilarating — people  are  betting  in  lots — many  for  the 
Governor ;  others,  for  Mr.  Gammon — some  for  the  other 
candidate  ....  what  is  his  name  1  Tagrag  ...  I  believe. 
These,  it  seems,  are  the  only  three  candidates.  But  all  agree 
in  one  thing  ....  it  is  in  trying  to  outwit  and  humbug  one 
another. 

GERTRUDE. — What's  that  to  you  ?     Mind  your  business. 

JOHN. — That  is  my  business.  The  affairs  of  the  country 
are  my  business !  I'll  attend  to  yours  too.  Mind  you — there 
is  time  for  every  thing.  So  my  mother,  old  Deborah  Nut 
meg,  used  to  say. 

GERTRUDE. — Well !  *  I  wish  you  would  attend  now  to  the 
concerns  of  the  house.  Therefore  please  to  carry  those 
empty  bottles  to  the  cellar.  I'll  soon  be  with  you. 

JOHN. — [Aside,  whilst  going  away.'] — Those  foreigners — I 
don't  care  how  long  they  may  have  been  naturalized,  can 
never  become  familiar  with  our  institutions,  and  never  under 
stand  the  rights  of  a  free  born  American  citizen.  [Exit.] 

GERTRUDE. — [TF7iO  was  looking  at  John  when  going  out, 
turns  round,  and,  seeing  BecTcendorf  putting  on  his  hat  and 
talcing  his  cane,  says :]  Whither  are  you  jogging,  when  you 
were  so  very  busy  just  now  ? 

BECKENDORF. — I  am  going  to  do  what  is  certainly  becom 
ing  in  me,  although  it  may  suit  neither  the  age  nor  the  occu 
pations  of  that  stripling — I  am  going  to  attend  to  the  busi 
ness  of  the  country — my  adopted  country  though  it  be — and 
no  less  dear  to  me  notwithstanding. 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS.  45 

GERTRUDE. — Cursed  be  the  day  when  you  became  the  pro 
prietor  of  a  newspaper,  and  a  member  of  the  Legislature  ! 

BECKENDORF. — [Nettled.] — And  why  should  I  not  aim  at 
playing  a  political  and  important  part  in  the  State  like  many 
others  who  are  no  better  than  I  am  1 

GERTRUDE. — If  others  play  the  fool,  it  is  no  reason  why 
you  should.  The  State  will  take  care  of  itself.  Mind  your 
own  business  as  you  have  heretofore  done,  and  every  thing 
will  be  better  for  yourself  and  for  the  State.  There  are  men 
whose  vocation  it  is,  from  taste,  habit,  and  education,  to  be 
statesmen,  and  who  have  the  necessary  qualifications  for  such 
pursuits.  Make  room  for  them.  Your  trade  is  to  be  a  beer- 
manufacturer,  and  a  beer-seller.  You  have  plenty  of  money 
in  bank,  and  therefore  you  can  want  no  office,  and  need  not 
care  for  the  protection  of  any  body.  Why  should  you  be  a 
public  servant,  when  you  can  be  free,  independent,  and  your 
own  master?  Rule  your  family,  govern  your  workmen, 
legislate  for  your  shops,  and  sell  off  that  printing  establish 
ment  of  yours,  which  has  given  you  more  trouble  than  all 
your  other  business  put  together,  and  which  is  a  losing  con 
cern  after  all. 

BECKENDORF. — That  is  to  say,  Mrs.  Beckendorf,  that  I  am 
good  for  nothing  else  than  measuring  beer  by  the  gallon! 
That  is  the  low  estimate  you  put  on  the  intellect  of  men  of 
my  class  ...  of  mechanics  ...  of  those  born  in  humble 
life! 

GERTRUDE. — God  forbid,  my  dear!  How  can  I  be  sus 
pected  of  saying  aught  in  contempt  of  mechanics  and  people 
born  in  humble  life — I,  the  daughter  of  honest  Peter  Bluff 
the  butcher — I,  who  think  that  there  is  no  class  of  men  more 
useful  as  a  body  and  entitled  to  more  consideration  than  that 
of  the  common  laborers,  who,  by  hard  work,  and  through 
every  sort  of  privation,  have  to  support  themselves  and  their 
iamilies,  and  without  whose  industry  the  world  could  not  get 
along !  But  I  reckon  the  world  would  not  be  worse,  if  there 


46  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

were  no  lawyers,  no  physicians,  and  no  such  other  learned 
and  gentle  folks.  But  suppress  the  butcher,  the  tailor,  the 
shoemaker,  the  baker,  the  house-builder,  even  the  heart- 
comforting  beer-seller,  and  what  would  become  of  your  print 
ers — and  your  legislators — and  your  ministers  plenipoten 
tiary — and  your  politicians — and  the  like  useless  trash. 
But  if  the  mechanic  becomes  ashamed  of  his  tools,  and  drops 
his  trade  for  something  he  knows  no  more  about  than  he 
knows  of  the  man  in  the  moon  ;  if,  instead  of  remaining  a 
useful  and  honest  laborer,  he  apes  the  white-kid-glove  gentle 
man,  and  degrades  himself  by  assuming  the  character  of  a 
political  gambler— an  electioneering  blackleg — it  alters  the 
case  wonderfully,  in  my  opinion — and  when  you,  my  dear 
husband,  get  out  of  your  sphere,  and  begin  scribbling  away 
nonsense  to  the  President  of  the  United  States,  who  will 
laugh  at  you,  if  he  takes  the  trouble  of  perusing  one  line  of 
your  letter,  I  declare  it  to  you,  with  genuine  German  frank 
ness,  that  I  reverence  in  you  the  politician  much  less  than  the 
brewer  of  beer. 

BECKENDORF. — Go  on — go  on — Mrs.  Beckendorf.  Pray, 
don't  stop.  I  wish  you  were  in  Congress ;  you  would  spout 
better  than  Clay,  Webster,  or  Calhoun.  I  declare  they  would 
not  begin  to  shine  near  you.  Only,  you  moralize  too  much, 
that's  all. 

GERTRUDE. — Let  Congress  alone,  husband ;  and,  instead  of 
sneering  at  the  wife  of  your  bosom,  who  loves  you  well,  and 
thinks  of  nothing  else  than  yourself  and  our  son,  take  kindly 
her  homely,  but  well-meant  advice.  Mind  your  own  busi 
ness,  and  don't  wade  beyond  your  depth.  Are  you  tired  of 
being  happy  ?  Are  you  satiated  with  your  own  prosperity  ? 
Are  you  not  getting  richer  every  day  1  Have  you  not  got 
devoted  friends — at  lejist_in  the^elass-ymr  belong  to,  and  in 
which  you  ought  to  remain — a  wife  who  cherishes  you, 
although  she  may  scold  you  occasionally — the  best  and 
noblest  of  sons,  to  whom  we  have  given  a  princely  education 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  47 

— a  son  whom  the  President  of  the  United  States  himself 
would  envy  us — a  son  who  has  every  qualification  that  a 
father  or  a  mother  can  desire — who  deservedly  is  our  pride, 
and  is  the  sole  object  for  which  we  ought  to  care  to  live. 
Why  should  we  trouble  ourselves  about  any  thing  else1? 

BECKENDORF. — Ho !  ho ! — if  you  begin  to  harp  on  that 
string,  I  may  as  well  take  a  chair  and  prepare  myself  patiently 
to 

GERTRUDE. — Ay  !  ay  !  our  son  ! — our  only  child  !  His 
prosperity  ought  to  be  our  sole  ambition.  He  is  the  State 
for  me.  I  prefer  him  to  the  whole  of  the  United  States,  with 
old  Germany,  too,  into  the  bargain.  Why  should  I  care  for 
any  thing  else  1  What  do  I  care  whether  the  democrats  or 
whigs  are  up  or  down  !  What  do  I  care  who  is  President, 
Governor,  or  United  States  Senator,  and  what  dish  they  are 
cooking  in  yonder  building  they  call  the  State  House.  Who 
ever  rules — whatever  party  is  in  the  ascendency,  I  don't  think 
it  would  change  much  the  course  of  the  Mississippi.  What  I 
mind — what  is  important  to  me,  is  to  know  if  every  thing  is 
snug  at  home — if  the  whole  household  is  in  first-rate  order — 
if  our  business  thrives — if  my  husband  is  in  good  health — if 
my  son  is  happy — if  all  our  people,  black  or  white,  are  con 
tented — that  is  my  duty — and  I  attend  to  nothing  else.  Let 
every  body  do  his  duty  too,  and  mind  his  own  business. 
Every  man  to  his  trade.  It  is  an  old  and  wise  saying. 

BECKENDORF. — [Impatiently .] — And  who  says  no  ? 

GERTRUDE. — You — who  are  acting  in  such  contradiction  to 
the  doctrine  I  preach,  although  you  admit  it  to  be  correct — 
you  who  have  become  the  owner  of  a  newspaper,  which  you 
have  not  the  requisite  ability  to  manage — you  who  have  be 
come  a  member  of  the  Legislature — a  politician — -and,  to 
make  it  worse,  you  who  write  to  the  President  of  the  United 
States,  and  who  have  taken  up  the  absurd,  and,  forgive  me, 
if  I  say — the  ridiculous  and  laughable  notion  of  becoming  a 


48  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

minister  plenipotentiary.  I  could  almost  cry  from  sheer 
vexation  of  spirit. 

BECKENDORF. — And  was  not  Benjamin  Franklin — Benjamin 
Franklin! — Do  you  hear? — a  mechanic! — a  printer! — nay— 
a  printer's  devil !  and  was  he  not  in  time  a  minister  plenipo 
tentiary  ?  And  did  not  other  people  become  great,  who  had 
started  as  low  as  I  did  ? 

GERTRUDE. — I  don't  deny  it.  It  may  all  be  true  for  all 
that  I  know.  But  if  true,  there  was  something  in  those  men 
that  is  not  in  you.  Men  are  not  alike,  husband,  and  I  don't 
believe,  as  politicians  say,  that  "  they  are  born  equal." 
You  have  your  qualifications.  They  were  sufficient  to  win 
my  love,  to  make  you  rich,  and  a  useful  and  respectable 
member  of  society.  Is  not  that  enough  ?  Aim  not  higher, 
and  if,  instead  of  looking  in  the  wrong  direction,  you  had 
been  taking  at  home  a  closer  survey  of  what  concerns  you, 
you  would  have  discovered  that  our  dear  son  is  not  happy — 
that  he  is  drooping  in  spirits — that  he  has  some  secret  sorrow 
he  conceals  from  us. 

BECKENDORF. — Is  it  possible  !  Mortimer  unhappy  !  Our 
only  son  in  drooping  spirits  !  What  can  ail  the  boy  ?  Pish! 
It  cannot  be. 

GERTRUDE. — Ay  !  ay — it  is  so.  It  escaped  your  observa 
tion,  not  mine.  Trust  a  mother's  eye  for  that. 

BECKENDORF. — Why — he  must  be  dyspeptic  or  some  such 
thing.  Give  him  some  of  our  oldest  Rhenish  wine.  It 
cures  every  thing.  After  all,  it  is  your  business,  wife,  to 
nurse  the  boy — that  is  the  province  of  a  woman.  What 
could  I  do  for  him  ]  I  have  had  so  much  occupation  since  the 
meeting  of  the  Legislature,  and  I  have  been  so  much  absorbed 
by  the  forthcoming  election  of  a  United  States  Senator,  that 
1  could  not  turn  my  attention  to  household  affairs.  I  was  re 
lying  altogether  upon  you  to  make  him  happy,  and  to  keep 
him  in  good  health.  What  ails  the  boy,  I  say  ?  It  can't  be 
any  thing  serious.  What  does  he  wish?  I  refuse  him  noth- 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  49 

ing.  Does  he  want  a  larger  allowance  of  money  ?  Ask  him 
how  much.  I  dare  say  he  has  got  some  crotchet  or  other  in 
his  head.  Well !  here  is  the  key  of  my  strong  box — give 
it  to  him — let  him  help  himself.  Young  men  have  their 
follies  at  times,  which  must  be  humored — and  .  .  . 

GERTRUDE. — Hush  !  here  he  comes. 

/ 


SCENE  III. 

MORTIMER. —  [Entering  with  precipitancy.'] — So  you  have 
not  yet  gone  out,  father.  I  am  glad  to  be  in  time  to  beg  you 
stay  at  home  until  twelve  o'clock,  when  the  caucus  meets  at 
the  State  House,  whither  I  pray  to  be  permitted  to  accom 
pany  you, 

BECKENDORF. — And  why  stay  at  home  1 

MORTIMER. — Because  the  whole  town  is  topsy  turvy.  It  is 
now  known  to  all  that  the  Senatorial  contest  thus  stands :  35 
for  Gammon  ;  35  for  the  Governor  ;  15  for  Tagrag,  and  one 
blank — which  is  the  vote  of  Mr.  Randolph,  who  obstinately 
persists  with  his  characteristic  political  apathy  in  siding  with 
nobody,  and  on  the  ground  that  he  does  not  care  who  gets 
the  caucus  nomination,  the  three  candidates  being  his  friends, 
and  equally  worthy  of  the  honor  they  desire.  Therefore,  the 
absence,  defection,  or  disappearance,  in  one  way  or  other,  of 
one  single  voter,  is  of  so  much  importance,  that  the  candidates 
watch  over  their  respective  partisans  as  a  hen  over  her  brood, 
and  there  are  all  sorts  of  stories  afloat  on  the  tricks  which 
will  be  played,  in  buying  out,  bargaining,  and  even  kidnap 
ping,  in  order  to  secure  success. 

BECKENDORF. — What's  that  to  "me  1  You  don't  suppose  1 
can  be  bought  like  a  negro,  or  that  I  want  a  body  guard 
to  protect  me,  and  that  I  am  exposed,  in  broad  daylight,  to 
be  run  away  with  in  the  loving  arms  of  some  madcap,  as  if  I 
were  an  heiress ! 
3 


50  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

MORTIMER. — But,  father — I  was  cautioned  by  one  who  is 
well  informed,  no  doubt,  and  whom  I  cannot  name,  to  put 
you  on  your  guard,  because  .... 

BECKENDORF. — Pish  !  Nonsense I  am  off  to  break 
fast  with  Turncoat  and  Wagtail. 

MORTIMER. — What !  two  of  the  Governor's  warmest  friends 
and  supporters ! 

BECKENDORF. — Well !  What  of  it  ?  Because  the  Gover 
nor  is  a  puppy — must  that  prevent  me  from  associating  with 
his  friends  ?  Besides,  Turncoat  and  Wagtail  betted  with  me 
yesterday,  that  they  could  produce  better  beer  and  Rhenish 
wine  than  any  I  can  boast  of.  Presumptuous  coxcombs! 
I'll  make  them  pull  down  their  flag. 

MORTIMER. — [Aside.] — I  see  that  Mr.  Randolph's  hint  was 
not  unfounded.  [To  Heckendorf]  But,  father,  as  mother 
says  you  are  always  sick  when  you  dine  out,  had  you  not 
better  abstain  from 

BECKENDORF. — Suppose  it  to  be  true — I  am  going  to  break 
fast  out,  and  not  dine  ! 

MORTIMER.— But  those  two  unprincipled  men  might  be 
daring  enough  to  drug  the  wines,  if  necessary,  so  as  to  prevent 
you  from  attending  the  caucus,  and  thereby  cause  Mr.  Gam 
mon  to  lose  one  vote. 

BECKENDORF. — [Alarmed.'] — You  don't  suppose  them  ca 
pable  of  poisoning  rne ! 

[During  the  preceding  conversation,  Gertrude  had  seated 
herself  in  the  back  part  of  the  stage,  and  had  been  occupied 
in  knitting.  She  flings  aside  her  work,  and,  coming  up  to  the 
two  actors,  says  with  great  animation  :] 

GERTRUDE. — Yes  ! — politicians  are  capable  of  every  thing. 

MORTIMER. — Not  so  fast,  mother ;  not  so  fast.  All  I  mean 
is,  that  they  might  attempt  to  produce  some  temporary  indis 
position,  which  might  put  father  in  a  position  he  would  for 
ever  after  regret  deeply. 

[Enter  JOHN.] 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  51 

JOHN. — [To  Eeckendorf^\ — I  beg  pardon,  sir  ....  but  hear 
ing  that  there  was  a  popular  demonstration  intended  for  your 
friend  and  candidate,  Mr.  Gammon,  I  had  stepped  out  a  little 
bit — just  as  far  as  the  corner,  to  ascertain  what  of  truth  there 
is  in  it,  when  I  met  the  gentleman  himself  in  a  great  hurry, 
who  handed  me  this  note  to  be  delivered  to  you. 

BECKENDORF. — [Taking  the  note  and  reading^ — "My  dear 
sir,  the  game  is  mine.  One  of  the  Governor's  voters  has 
suddenly  departed  from  Baton  Rouge  and  gone  home  on  ac 
count  of  illness  in  his  family — so  that  I  now  stand  thus : 
thirty -five  for  me  to  thirty-four  for  the  Governor  in  the  caucus. 
The  people  are  getting  up  a  demonstration  in  my  favor,  and, 
as  they  know  you  to  be  one  of  my  firmest  supporters,  they 
wish  to  show  you  their  gratitude,  and  therefore  will  soon  call 
at  your  house,  where  they  will  form  in  a  procession,  put  you 
at  the  head  of  it,  and  march  to  the  State  House.  That 
demonstration,  and  the  honors  thus  paid  to  you  as  my  friend, 
will  not  be  without  effect  at  Washington  in  furtherance  of 
a  certain  object  we  have  at  heart." 

MORTIMER. — [Aside.'] — A  lucky  accident!  [To  BecJcen- 
dorf.\  There  .  .  .  you  see  .  .  father  .  .  .  you  are  now  com 
pelled  to  stay  at  home. 

BECKENDORF. — Well !  since  I  must  please  you  in  this  re 
quest,  I  will  write  a  letter  of  apology  to  Wagtail  and  Turn 
coat. 

GERTRUDE. — [  With  vivacity, ,] — And  I  wish  you  would  do 
the  same  as  to  Mr.  Gammon's  popular  demonstration,  and 
write  to  him  to  keep  it  for  himself. 

BECKENDORF. — Tut!  wife,  you  are  behind  the  age,  but  I 
hope  that,  one  day,  when  in  a  more  exalted  sphere,  you  will 
understand  these  things  better.  [To  John.']  Come  to  my 
room  .  .  .  I'll  write  a  few  lines  which  you  will  carry  right  off 
to  Messrs.  Wagtail  and  Turncoat. 
[Exeunt.] 


52  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 


SCENE  IY. 

GERTRUDE. — Far  from  grieving  at  your  being  dismissed 
from  the  Governor's  family,  my  son,  I  rejoice  at  it,  for  you 
will  now  stay  with  us  altogether.  We  shall  no  longer  live 
apart,  even  for  a  few  days.  But  why,  my  darling,  should 
you  wear  such  looks  of  dejection  ? 

MORTIMER. — Because,  mother,  I  grieve  at  the  idea  of 
afflicting  you  and  overclouding  the  bright  prospect  of  happi 
ness  for  us  all  at  home,  which  your  imagination  has  been 
sketching. 

GERTRUDE. — What  can  prevent  its  being  realized  1 

MORTIMER. — Because,  mother,  I  must  leave  you  and  father 
for  some  time — leave  Louisiana — my  cherished  native  land — 
for  foreign  parts. 

GERTRUDE. — Gracious  heaven !  what  do  I  hear,  my  son  ! 
What  is  the  meaning  of  all  this  1  You  1 — leave  your  aged 
parents  and  put  the  broad  ocean  between  them  and  their  only 
support — their  only  joy !  the  only  object  they  live  for ! 
What  have  we  done  to  drive  you  away  from  the  paternal 
house  1  How  can  such  a  resolution  have  sprung  up  in  the 
heart  of  so  loving  and  dutiful  a  son  as  you  are,  Mortimer  ? 
Have  we  involuntarily  been  the  cause  of  any  secret  grief 
which  it  is  in  my  power  to  remedy  ?  Is  there  one  of  your 
wishes  not  gratified]  [Throwing  her  arms  round  his  neck.] 
It  is  not  my  fault,  child — thy  poor  mother's  fault.  I  did 
not  know  that  you  wanted  aiiy  thing.  Pardon  me — pardon 
me.  Whatever  you  want,  you  shall  have. 

MORTIMER. — Oh  !  mother  !  you  increase  my  grief  by  sup 
posing  that  you  can  be  the  cause  of  it.  You  !  asking  pardon 
of  me  !  .  .  when  I  should  be  at  your  feet  craving  your  bless 
ing  and  your  forgiveness  for  the  sorrow  I  am  going  to  bring 
on  your  gray  hairs.  [Kissing  her  forehead.]  You  are  the 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  53 

tenderest,  the  best,  the  most  indulgent  of  mothers — and  yet 
I  must  part  with  you — for  a  while !  My  heart  is  breaking — 
I  cannot  stay  here  for  the  present. 

GERTRUDE. — And  why  ?  In  what  part  of  the  world  will 
you  be  as  truly  and  as  ardently  loved  as  here  1  What  ails 
you?  The  Governor  has  dismissed  you  from  his  plantation. 
Well !  you  have  remained  there  long  enough  to  become  as 
good  a  planter  as  he ;  we  have  sufficient  means  to  purchase 
a  handsome  sugar  estate.  There  we  will  live  cheerily  to 
gether,  making  ourselves  and  our  negroes  and  every  thing 
about  us  gay  and  happy.  Perhaps  you  are  ashamed  of  our 
humble  beginning  and  of  the  homely  kind  of  business  which 
we  continue  to  carry.  Well !  we  can  do  without  it,  and  soon 
become  sugar  nabobs  like  others,  whose  beginning  is  for 
gotten,  and  whose  fortune  is  perhaps  not  so  legitimately  and 
so  honestly  come  by  as  ours.  Cheer  up  !  cheer  up,  my  son ! 
I'll  lose  no  time,  and  close  the  shop  to-morrow,  and  in  less 
than  a  month  you  will  be  the  lord  and  master  of  a  large  plan 
tation  and  one  hundred  hands. 

MORTIMER. — Don't  talk  in  this  strain,  mother.  How  can. 
you  suppose  me  so  mean  as  to  be  ashamed  of  my  parents, 
and  of  the  manner  in  wrhich  they  have  honorably  risen  to 
affluence,  and  become  able  to  give  me  a  more  liberal  and  re 
fined  education  than  I  could  have  any  pretensions  to. 

GERTRUDE. — Ay  ! — the  education  of  a  prince — and  it  is  no 
more  than  you  deserved. 

MORTIMER. — [With  a  melancholy  smile.~\ — Say  of  a  gentle 
man.  That  is  the  best  and  the  highest.  But  it  is,  perhaps, 
the  cause  of  all  my  unhappiness. 

GERTRUDE. — Bless  me  !     What  do  you  mean  1 

MORTIMER. — I'll  tell  you  all.  It  is  time  that  yo^i  should 
know  all.  Besides — the  secret  seems  more  heavy  from  its 
being  pent  up  and  confined  within  my  breast ;  and  who  should 
be  intrusted  with  a  son's  grief,  if  it  were  not  a  mother ! 
Would  to  God  you  had  been  contented  with  giving  me  the 


54  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

education  necessary  to  carry  on  my  father's  occupation,  in 
stead  of  attempting  to  lift  me  up  above  the  level  where  I  was 
born. 

GERTRUDE. — But  where  is  the  harm  1 .  .  . 

MORTIMER. — You  will  see.  £You — or  rather  my  father,  dis 
countenancing  the  idea  of  my  being  a  brewer  of  beer  as  he 
was,  cherished  the  hope  of  making  me  a  sugar-planter,  and 
desired  me  to  become  one  of  what  is  called  the  aristocracy 
of  the  land,  in  a  country  where  the  bare  conception  of  there 
being  an  aristocracy  of  any  kind,  in  the  true  sense  of  the 
word,  is  ludicrously  absurd,  jl  don't  blame  you  for  it.  That 
was  a  thought  of  the  heart,  but  it  led  to  my  present  unhappi- 
ness. 

GERTRUDE. — Explain,  my  son  .  .  .  explain. 

MORTIMER. — A  short  time  after  I  left  the  university,  father, 
as  you  well  know,  introduced  me  into  the  Governor's  family, 
to  learn  the  management  of  a  plantation,  before  his  buying 
one  for  me. 

GERTRUDE. — Well !  Well !  But  what  has  all  this  to  do 
with  your  desire  to  leave  us  ?  I  don't  understand  .... 

MORTIMER. — Oh  !  mother ;  you  have  not  seen  Henrietta, 
the  Governor's  eldest  daughter.  When  my  supervising  of 
the  labors  on  the  plantation  for  the  day  was  over,  I  used  to 
spend  all  the  evenings  in  her  company.  The  piano  thrilled 
with  passion  under  my  fingers,  when  her  celestial  voice,  em 
bellishing  even  Rossini's  musical  genius,  filled  my  heart 
with  ecstasy.  My  hand  at  times  guided  her  pencil,  when  she 
sketched  the  flowers  among  which  she  could  find  none  so 
sweet  as  her  own  rosy  cheeks  ;  and  often  when  I  read  to  her 
passages  from  her  favorite  authors,  such  a  light  of  enthusias 
tic  admiration  beamed  from  her  eyes,  as  threw  a  halo  round 
her  angelic  face.  I  will  not  speak  of  her  unrivalled  beauty. 
But  if  you  had  had,  like  me,  the  daily  opportunity  of  appreci 
ating  the  inexhaustible  treasures  of  her  mind  and  soul — if 
you  had  studied  that  wonderful  combination  of  the  best  cul- 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  55 

tivated  intellect,  the  most  solid  and  unerring  judgment,  with 
the  most  feminine  and  most  seductive  graces — if  you  had 
witnessed  so  much  simplicity  of  heart  with  so  much  elegance 
of  manner,  and  so  much  modesty,  that  she  is  totally  uncon 
scious  of  the  possession  of  so  many  attainments,  and  of  such  a 
variety  of  fascination — if  you  had  become  familiar  with  the 
nobleness  of  her  nature,  the  generosity  of  her  temper,  and,  I 
may  say,  the  very  exaggeration  of  her  virtues — you  would 
have  done  as  I  have  ;  you  would  have  worshipped  her. 

GERTRUDE. — Well  !     Why  don't  you  marry  her? 

MORTIMER. — I  have  not  even  told  her  that  I  love ! 

GERTRUDE. — What  foolish  bashfulness  !  I  will  go  and  tell 
her. 

MORTIMER. — Mother,  there  are  obstacles  you  dream  not  of. 
I  know  her ;  and  1  know  her  father.  She  will  not  marry  with 
out  his  consent,  and  his  consent  I  can  never  get.  With  all 
his  boasted  pretensions  to  republicanism,  he  is  the  proudest 
man  alive.  Besides,  he  is  a  thorough-bred  politician.  His 
whole  life  has  been  devoted  to  politics ;  and  he  would  sacri 
fice  every  thing  to  his  selfish  ambition.  He  will  seek  to 
strengthen  himself  by  every  family  alliance  he  can  make  .  . 
That  was  my  conviction.  Under  such  circumstances,  I  shrunk 
from  disclosing  to  her  the  passion  which  was  the  very  breath 
of  my  life — filling  my  heart  with  rapture  and  at  the  same  time 
with  anguish.  Besides,  when  enjoying  the  hospitality  of  her 
father,  when  admitted  on  trust  into  the  bosom  of  a  family,  I 
felt  that  I  was  not  permitted  to  do  any  thing  which  the  head 
of  it  would  object  to.  I  thought  that  if  I  acted  otherwise,  it 
would  make  me  unworthy  of  one  so  pure,  so  exalted,  so  sen 
sitive  as  to  the  discharge  of  every  duty  imposed  upon  her. 
Thus,  1  kept  my  secret.  But  that  secret,  which  was  so  sedu 
lously  concealed  from  her,  did  not  escape  more  penetrating 
eyes.  I  felt  too  happy  in  her  presence  to  have  escaped  the 
detection  of  an  experienced  observer,  who  was  unfavorable  to 
me,  and  the  consequence  was,  that,  without  apparent  cause, 


56  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

and  without  any  reason  being  assigned  to  me,  I  was  dismissed 
from  the  Eden  whose  bliss  I  wish  I  had  never  known.  Since 
that  day,  mother,  I  have  had  no  rest.  The  sunshine  of  hope 
has  now  departed  for  ever,  and  the  gloom  of  despair  has  set 
tled  over  my  soul. 

GERTRUDE.— [  Wiping  her  eyes.] — Alas  !  I  had  seen  it.  I 
knew  there  was  grief — deep  grief  in  your  heart,  my  son.  But 
can  there  be  no  hope  1 

MORTIMER. — There  was  hope — a  very  faint  one,  it  is  true  ; 
but  still  it  was  hope,  as  welcome  to  me  as  the  slightest  glim 
mering  of  the  most  distant  light  would  be  to  the  bewildered 
wanderer  in  darkness.  When  I  was  exiled  from  Henrietta's 
house,  I  said  to  myself:  I  must  acquire  fame  and  political 
power.  Perhaps  then  her  father's  opposition  'might  be  over 
come,  and  I  might  be  permitted  to  urge  my  suit.  Clinging 
to  this  last  chance  of  future  success,  I  went  to  two  gentlemen, 
Mr.  Gammon  and  Mr.  Randolph,  who  had  known  me  at  the 
Governor's,  and  who  had  shown  me  some  kindness.  1  was 
aware  they  possessed  influence  with  the  Executive,  and  I  ven 
tured  to  claim  their  good  services  in  support  of  an  applica 
tion  I  intended  to  make  for  the  office  of  assistant-engineer, 
which  has  just  become  vacant.  I  thought  that  such  a  situa 
tion,  if  obtained,  would  afford  me  the  opportunity  of  making 
myself  known  throughout  the  State  in  a  short  time,  that  I 
might  secure  friends  in  every  parish  where  I  might  be  called 
in  the  discharge  of  my  duties,  and  gain  that  popularity  which 
is  the  stepping  stone  to  political  greatness.  Mr.  Gammon, 
on  the  ground  that  he  was  opposing  the  Governor  for  the 
United  States  Senate,  declined  acting  in  my  favor.  But  with 
Mr.  Randolph's  assistance.  I  have  succeeded. 

GERTRUDE. — Blessed  be  that  noble-hearted  gentleman  !  1 
always  thought  he  looked  like  an  emperor.  But  then — cheer 
up,  my  son.  There  is  hope — much  hope.  Your  father  has 
....  what  do  they  call  it  ?  ....  political  influence  too  !  I  will 
urge  him  to  acquire  more — and  the  Governor,  ambitious  as 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  57 

he  is,  will  change  his  mind,  and  will  think  twice  on  it  before 
he  rejects  you. 

MORTIMER. — It  is  too  late  ....  too  late,  mother.  Since  I 
made  my  application  for  the  office  I  speak  of,  I  was  informed 
that  the  Governor  had  betrothed  his  daughter  to  Lovedale, 
the  nephew  of  Trimsail,  thinking  thereby  to  secure  his  elec 
tion  to  the  United  States  Senate. 


SCENE  Y. 

Enter  JOHN. 

JOHN.— [  With  a  face  distorted  by  agitation.] — O  Lord  ! 
What  a  frightful  discovery  I  have  made  !  You  won't  blame 
me  any  more,  I  guess,  for  not  minding  the  business  of  the 
family.  That  you  won't,  old  lady. 

GERTRUDE. — [Alarmed] — What  is  the  matter? 

MORTIMER. — What  is  the  meaning  of  all  this  fuss,  John  1 

JOHN. — Fuss  !  Fuss  indeed  !  I  have  saved  the  old  man's 
life  by  going  out  and  carrying  the  note  he  gave  me  ;  and  par 
ticularly  by  having  my  eyes  and  ears  about  me.  "  Look  sharp, 
John,  look  sharp,"  my  mother.  Deborah  Nutmeg,  used  to  say, 
if  you  wish  to  get  along  in  this  world. 

MORTIMER. — [Impatiently.] — Will  you  speak  out  ?  Don't 
you  see  the  fright  into  which  you  have  thrown  my  mother  1 
[To  his  mother]  Some  idle  story,  I  dare  say. 

JOHN. — Idle  !  Look  you — idle !  It  is  a  thing  that  never 
was  known  in  old  Connecticut,  where  I  was  born.  Idle  ! — 
Well !  very  well !  I  am  going  to  my  work,  young  boss, 
and  won't  tell  how  your  father  was  to  be  murdered.  [He 
moves  towards  the  door] 

GERTRUDE. — [Taking  hold  of  him.] — You  sha'n't  stir  a  step 
until  you  explain  what  you  mean.  [To  her  son]  I  know 
the  lad  is  self-willed,  dogmatical,  and  too  much  addicted  to 
3* 


58  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

prating,  and  to  overmeddling  with  things  which  concern  him 
not,  but,  withal,  I  believe  him  to  be  honest  and  kind-hearted. 
There  must  be  something  true  in  what  he  says.  He  would 
not  thus  trifle  with  my  fears  .  .  .  and  on  so  serious  a  subject. 

MORTIMER. — \_To  John.'] — If  you  have  discovered  any 
villainous  plot  against  my  father,  I  beg  you,  John,  not  to 
lose  one  minute  in  communicating  it  to  me,  and  you  may 
rely  on  the  eternal  gratitude  .... 

JOHN. — Stop  !  That  is  enough.  That's  the  way,  look  you, 
to  negotiate  with  a  free-born  American  citizen.  No  hard 
words — mind  you — but  soft  sawder  and  gentle  condescension, 
as  my  uncle,  Sam  Slick,  used  to  say.  I  am  easily  satisfied, 
when  my  rights  are  respected,  but  I  don't  like  to  be  scolded 
and  threatened  into  any  thing — that's  a  fact.  Liberty  and 
equality  !— you  see.  Tha-t  is  the  creed  of  the  land. 
if  GERTRUDE. — [  Who  had  been  all  (his  time  giving  signs  of  dis 
tress  and  impatience.] — Gracious  heavens !  He  is  going  to 
talk  politics  ! 

JOHN. — Well !  suppose  I  do.  Politics  has  a  great  deal  to 
do  with  the  old  man's  intended  murder,  as  you  will  see, 
madam.  I  was  carrying  to  Messrs.  Wagtail  and  Turncoat 
the  note  which  old  Boss  had  given  to  me  to  apologize  for  his 
not  coming  to  breakfast  with  them,  when,  on  turning  the 
corner  of  the  street  where  they  live,  I  saw  them  sauntering 
a  few  steps  before  me,  arm  in  arm,  and  talking  earnestly,  but 
in  a  low  tone.  As  they  are  members  of  the  Legislature,  I 
supposed  they  were  talking  about  the  affairs  of  the  country, 
and  as  the  affairs  of  the  country  are  mine  also,  I  thought 
there  would  be  no  impropriety  in  listening.  So  that — off 
went  my  shoes  in  a  twinkle,  and,  soft  "and  noiseless  as  a  cat, 
I  crept  upon  them,  just  as  one  was  saying  to  the  other,  "Old 
Beckerrdorf  is  very  late !  I  hope  he  won't  fail.  If  he  comes, 
the  game  is  ours — for  in  half  an  hour  we'll  have  him  stone 

dead  .  .  .  and "     I  heard  no  more — a  dizziness  came  into 

my  head,  my  hair  stood  up,  I  gasped  for  breath,  and  could 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  59 

hardly  muster  strength  enough  to  glide  some  distance  back. 
But  we  Connecticut  boys  never  lose,  for  more  than  a  minute 
or  two,  our  presence  of  mind  and  our  self-possession.  So 
that,  when  I  had  cautiously  removed  myself  about  a  dozen, 
yards  from  the  bloody-minded  fiends,  I  halloed  to  them. 
They  stopped,  and  turned  round.  I  walked  up  to  them, 
with  some  cold  shivering  about  me,  I  confess,  and  delivered 
the  old  man's  letter.  I  tell  you — they  looked  blank  when, 
they  read  it — the  murderous  wretches  ! 

GERTRUDE. — [Crying  and  wringing  Tier  hands.] — I  knew  it 
would  come  to  this.  I  knew  it  all  this  time.  This  comes  out 
of  his  meddling  with  politics  and  politicians  ! 

MORTIMER. — There  is  no  cause  for  such  apprehensions, 
mother.  I  am  sure  there  can  be  no  design  against  my  father's 
life.  It  would  be  absurd  to  believe  any  such  thing.  John 
must  have  misconstrued  what  he  overheard — you  may  rest 
convinced  that  .... 

JOHN. — [With  much  impetuosity  of  manner.] — Miscon 
strued  !  I  say  that [Checking  himself :  and  aside:] 

Oh !  I  see — the  young  boss  is  right.  I  was  wrong  in  disclo 
sing  the  plan  before  the  old  madam.  He  is  for  quieting  her 
by  putting  on  this  air  of  incredulity.  Well !  he  is  not  so 
raw,  after  all,  for  a  young  Southern  chap.  I  must  help  him. 
[To  Gertrude.]  You  see  .  .  .  old  lady — I  may  have  been  de 
ceived.  The  nose  of  the  acutest  man  will  lead  him  astray  at 
times,  as  grandfather  Solomon  Tip  Tip  used  to  say.  But 
you  have  not  listened  to  the  end  of  my  story  yet.  When  I 
left  Messrs.  Wagtail  and  Turncoat,  hearing  plenty  of  music, 
shouting,  hurrahing  and  cheering  in  the  direction  of  the  Har- 
ney  House,  I  thought  it  my  duty  to  ascertain  what  was  going 
on  there,  so  as  to  make  my  report  at  home.  Thus — to  the 
Harney  House  I  went  as  fast  as  my  feet  would  carry  me. 
Hallo!  What  a  sight!  The  street  was  blocked  up  with 
people  beating  drums,  blowing  into  every  sort  of  instru 
ments,  waving  flags,  and  making  themselves  red  in  the  face, 


60  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

by  calling  with  fury  for  Mr.  Gammon,  who  did  not  seem  dis 
posed  to  come  out.  At  last,  there  was  no  resisting  the  voice 
of  the  people,  and  the  gentleman  came  out  in  the  midst  of 
a  thunder-storm  of  shouts — blushing — simpering — smiling 
blandly. — bowing  thus — and  putting  his  hand  on  his  breast 
thus — whilst  the  people  were  bursting  their  lungs  to  greet 
him.  I  shouted  too — and  louder  than  any.  I  tell  you — it 
was  grand.  I  asked  my  neighbor  in  the  crowd  what  all  this 
meant.  "  Pshaw  !"  said  he  with  a  sneer,  "  it  is  a  popular  dem 
onstration — a  trumpery  got  Up  by  Gammon  himself."  I  was 
going  to  reply,  when  Mr.  Gammon,  as  if  he  had  heard  the 
fellow,  and  as  it  were  to  give  him  the  lie,  thus  addressed  the 
meeting  from  the  balcony  of  the  house :  "  Fellow-citizens,  I 
am  overwhelmed  with  gratitude  ....  [Hurrah !  hurrah  /] 
It  was  the  most  earnest  wish  of  my  heart  to  retire  for  ever 
into  private  life  .  .  But  you  seem  to  be  opposed  to  it.  [Yes! 
yes !  we  want  you  as  United  States  Senator.']  Well,  my 
friends,  the  will  of  the  people,  like  the  decrees  of  God,  must 
be  cheerfully  submitted  to.  [Hurrah  !  hurrah  /]  I  shall  be 
the  last  man  to  resist  it  when  clearly  expressed.  [Hurrah  ! 
Tliree  cheers  for  Gammon  /]  But,  fellow-citizens,  allow  me 
to  make  a  proposition  to  you.  [Dead  silence.']  By  taste 
and  on  principle,  as  a  republican,  I  am  opposed  to  every  thing 
which  looks  like  parade  and  show.  Permit  me,  therefore,  to 
proceed  alone — by  myself— to  the  State  House,  where  the 
caucus  is  to  meet  at  noon ;  and  I  beg  you  to  transfer  the  hon 
ors  and  demonstrations  of  popular  favor  intended  for  me  to 
another  far  more  worthy  of  them  than  I  am — I  mean  old 
Beckendorf,  one  of  the  most  respectable  inhabitants  of  this 
delightful  town.  He  is  one  of  those,  who,  like  yourselves, 
have  urged,  and  I  may  say,  compelled  me  to  come  forward  as 
a  candidate  for  the  United  States  Senate.  He  is  one  of  the 
steadiest  and  most  uncompromising  supporters  of  our  cause. 
[Hurrah  !  A  waving  of  hats  and  flags.]  Go  to  him — form 
into  a  procession  with  him  at  your  head,  and.  by  paying  such 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  61 

respects  to  a  naturalized  citizen,  let  us  give  a  warning  hint  to 
the  allied  tyrants  of  Europe."  [Hurrah  /]  Such  shouting 
I  had  never  heard  before.  Even  a  gang  of  negroes  and  black 
urchins  that  were  close  by  joined  in  it.  I  thought  it  would 
have  broken  every  pane  of  glass  in  the  neighboring  houses. 
But  I  lost  no  time,  and  ran  home  like  a  deer  to  prepare  you 
for  what  is  coming.  [Here,  a  great  deal  of  noise,  shouts, 
cheers,  and  the  sounds  of  musical  instruments  arc  heard  in  the 
distance.] 

MORTIMER. — [Looking  out  into  the  street,  at  one  of  the  win 
dows.  ] — Is  it  possible !  What  do  I  see  1  Miss  Henrietta, 
the  Governor's  daughter — in  the  utmost  alarm,  and  sur 
rounded  by  a  parcel  of  those  shouting  devils  and  drunken 
rowdies  !  \_He  rushes  into  the  street.] 


SCENE  VI. 

GERTRUDE. — [Alarmed.] — My  son  !  my  poor  son  !  what 
will  become  of  him  1 

JOHN. — Why — you  don't  think  he  runs  any  danger,  do 
you  1  Those  people  are  Gammon's  men,  and  young  boss  is 
the  son  of  old  Beckendorf,  Mr.  Gammon's  friend,  ain't  he  ? 
They  will  remember  that,  drunk  as  they  may  be.  [Looking 
out  of  the  ivindow.~\  See  .  .  .  see  .  .  .  how  he  fumes,  and 
storms  among  them  !  This  is  what  I  call  letting  off  steam — 
and  they  stare  at  him  as  if  they  did  not  know  what  he 
means. 

GERTRUDE. — Run  to  his  assistance,  John. 

JOHN. — He  needs  none,  I  guess.  Some  of  the  mean 
fellows  are  sneaking  off  already  .  .  and — well ! — that  is 
well  ...  he  is  bowing  gracefully  to  the  lady  and  offering  his 
arm.  That  is  what  I  call  doing  the  polite  thing,  and  being  a 
gentleman. 


62  THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS. 

GERTRUDE. — Thank  God,  it  is  all  over  !  I  was  afraid  of 
an  affray. 

JOHN. — [Still  looking  out  of  the  window.'] — Funny  !  de 
cidedly  funny  !  I  declare — here  is  one  so  drunk,  no  doubt, 
that  he  don't  know  who  it  is  he  is  dealing  with,  and  what  he 
himself  is  about.  [Crying  out.']  Hallo!  you  blockhead! — 
whisky-pot ! — don't  you  recognize  the  son  of  old  Beckendorf, 
Mr.  Gammon's  friend1?  Why — I  swear — the  fellow  plants 
himself  right  in  front  of  Master  Mortimer,  and  squares  as  if 
for  a  boxing-match.  [Shouting.']  Knock  the  villain  down, 
young  boss,  the  law  is  on  your  side.  Served  hirn  right ! — 
Hurrah  !  young  boss  has  knocked  him  down.  [Leaning  out 
of  the  window.]  O  !  O !  take  care,  young  lady — don't  faint 
— going — going — gone  ! — she  has  fainted.  •  [  Whilst  John  is 
thus  speaking,  Gertrude  exhibits  the  greatest  alarm,  and  rushes 
into  the  street  at  last.']  Young  boss  is  supporting  her. 
[Turning  round.']  Don't  be  alarmed,  old  madam;  there  is 
no  danger,  I  tell  you.  Ah  !  where  is  she  ]  gone  1  .  .  [Look 
ing  out  again  into  the  street.]  Oh  !  oh  !  there  she  is — faith  ! 
that  is  what  I  call  a  complication  of  circumstances — young 
lady  in  a  swoon — young  boss  carrying  her  off — and  old  lady 
crying  and  sobbing.  What  a  sight !  Here  they  come. 


SCENE  VII. 

[Enter  GERTRUDE  and  MORTIMER  carrying  HENRIETTA.] 
GERTRUDE. — Help  !  help  !  Come  along,  John.  I'll  send 
you  with  a  note  to  fetch  the  doctor,  who  lives,  you  know,  just 
on  the  outskirts  of  the  town,  and  I'll  rummage  my  chest  for 
a  cordial,  which,  on  such  occasions,  never  fails  to  have 
miraculous  effects.  Come — quick.  [Exit.'] 

JOHN. — [Follows  her — but  stopping  at  the  threshold  of  the 
door,  looks  back  at  Mortimer  and  Henrietta.      Mortimer  is 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  63 

kneeling  before  the  sofa  on  which  he  has  deposited  Henrietta, 
and  is  trying  to  cause  her  to  revived] — Cordial ! — she  needs 
none.  Young  ladies  are  used  to  fainting,  and  uncle  Sam 
Slick  always  said  there  never  was  one  of  them  who  ever 
died  of  it. 

MORTIMER. — [Rubbing  and  fondling  Henrietta's  hands.] — 
She  revives !  she  revives  !  [Seeing  John,  luho  is  staring  at 
them.]  What  are  you  doing  there  ?  Get  you  gone  ! 

JOHN. — Thank  you,  sir.  [^4par£]  Exactly  what  I  want ! 
An  excellent  pretext  to  get  into  the  street !  To  be  sure,  I 
will  get  myself  gone,  as  you  say.  First,  I'll  take  the 
madam's  note  for  the  physician  ;  next,  instead  of  carrying  it 
— considering  that  the  patient  will  recover  before  I  get 
there  ....  I'll  join  the  procession  ....  and  lead  the  folks 
here  in  no  time.  [Exit.] 


SCENE  VIII. 

HENRIETTA. — [Half  recovering  from  her  swoon.~\ — Save  me ! 
— Take  me  home! — Drive  away  that  horrid-looking  ruffian  ! 
What  have  I  done  him  1  Why  does  he  attack  me  ? 

MORTIMER. — [Timidly,  and  with  tenderness.] — You  are  in 
safety — fear  nothing. 

HENRIETTA. — That  voice !  .  .  Is  it  you,  Mr.  Mortimer  ? 
[Extending  her  hand  to  him.]  Is  it  you,  my  good  friend  ? 

MORTIMER. — Yes  .  .  I— the  happiest  of  men !  .  .  .  since  I 
see  you  again — since  I  could  afford  you  some  protection, 
trifling  as  it  was  .  .  .  and  an  asylum,  which,  unworthy  of  you 
as  it  is,  becomes  to  me  more  precious  than  a  palace,  when  it 
is  sanctified  by  your  presence. 

HENRIETTA. — [With  a  smile,  and  boioing  in  acknowledg 
ment  of  the  compliment.] — But  where  am  I  ? 

MORTIMER. — In  my  mother's  house.     She  has  just  left  us 


64  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

to  send  for  a  physician,  and  to  get  some  cordial  which  she 
thought  you  would  want. 

HENRIETTA. — Many  thanks  for  her  kindness  and  for  yours. 
I  am  now  perfectly  recovered  from  my  silly  fright.  But  I 
do  not  regret  it,  since  it  has  put  me  under  so  great  an  obli 
gation  to  you  ;  and,  whatever  misunderstanding  may  have 
lately  arisen  between  you  and  my  father,  I  am  sure  he  will 
feel  deeply  the  service  you  have  rendered  me  to-day,  and 
gladly  acknowledge  his  indebtedness  to  you  on  this  occa 
sion. 

MORTIMER. — [  With  vivacity. ,] — I  have  done  nothing  which 
deserves  his  acknowledgments ;  but  had  I  claims  on  your 
father's  gratitude,  I  would  free  from  the  discharge  of  such  a 
debt  one  who  has  driven  me  from  his  house,  because  he  had 
discovered  a  secret  which,  at  the  expense  of  many  a  pang  of 
the  keenest  anguish,  I  kept  to  myself,  not  to  give  him  offence, 
and  who  grudged  me  the  scanty  enjoyment  of  the  respectful 
and  silent  admiration.  .  .  . 

HENRIETTA. —  [Hastening  to  interrupt  hlm.~\ — My  father 
esteems  you  highly,  Mr.  Mortimer. 

MORTIMER. — [Bitterly. "\ — Ay — he  esteems — but  crushes. 
I  have  indeed  a  right  to  command  that  esteem,  and  on  good 
ground,  I  believe,  the  least  of  which  is  the  seal  I  put  on  the 
lips^pf  my  heart  as  long  as  I  was  under  his  roof.  Yea,  whilst 
I  enjoyed  his"  hospitality,  I  could  not  permit  myself  to  do 
what  I  knew  would  not  meet  his  approbation.  That  he  must 
have  seen,  and  he  must  have  measured  the  effort  it  cost  me ! 
But  since  I  am  now  no  longer  under  the  same  restraint,  and 
before  bidding  a  last  farewell  to  my  aged  parents,  whose 
hearts  I  am  going  to  break — before  dooming  myself  to  die 
perhaps  far  away  from  all  I  hold  dear,  and  at  the  risk  of  in 
curring  your  displeasure,  or  even  the  mortification  of  a  con 
temptuous  rebuke,  I  will  speak !  and  you  must,  before  we 
part  for  ever,  know  the  extent  of  what  I  have  suffered,  and 
hear  what  I  have  forced  myself  to  conceal  with  so  much  in- 


TflE   SCHOOL   FOR  POLITICS.  65 

ward  torture.  In  the  extremity  of  despair  there  is  a  boldness 
which  urges  the  most  timid  to  .... 

HENRIETTA. — Mr.  Mortimer  !  for  my  sake  ....  for  yours, 
forbear  to  .... 

MORTIMER. — [Passionately. ,] — You  must,  you  shall  know 
that  soul-tormenting  secret — you  must  hear  the  expression 
of  a  sentiment  which  .... 

HENRIETTA. — [  With  great  emotion.'] — Do  I  not  know  it? 
Are  there  not  sentiments,  Mr.  Mortimer,  which,  before  they 
are  spoken,  are  understood  by  a  sympathizing  heart ! 

MORTIMER. — [In  a  transport  ofjoyJ\ — O,  supreme  felicity  ! 
is  it  possible  that  .... 

HENRIETTA. — [  With  mild  dignity. ,] — No  more  on  this  sub 
ject,  my  much  valued  friend.  But  believe  me.  .  .  I  under 
stood  it  all — your  feelings — your  silence — its  motives.  I 
admired  your  generosity,  your  delicacy.  I  felt  grateful  to 
you  for  it;  and  you  see  how  frankly  I  acknowledge  your 
claims  to  my  regard,  to  my  gratitude.  You  will  increase  it 
by  submitting  with  resignation,  like  myself,  to  the  accom 
plishment  of  what  duty  requires. 

MORTIMER. — Duty ! 

HENRIETTA. — Ay,  duty  !  what  it  requires  of  me  at  least — 
a  sacred  duty  imposed  on  me  not  to  marry  without  my 
father's  consent.  On  her  death  bed,  my  sainted  mother 
made  me  swear  to  be  guided  altogether  by  the  will  of  my 
father  in  the  choice  of  a  husband.  He  has  lately  bid  me  to 
remember  that — shall  I  say — fatal  oath.  I,  a  weak  woman, 
will  do  my  duty.  Will  you  not  have  more  fortitude  than 
one  of  my  sex  1  Let  your  proud  soul  rise  above  despair  .  . 
and  since,  in  obedience  to  a  father's  will,  I  must  marry 
another  .... 

MORTIMER. — [Impetuously.] — By  heaven!  since  you  love 
me,  I  will  dispute  you  against  the  whole  world.  But  who 
comes? 


66  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 


SCENE  IX. 

WHILST  GERTRUDE  ENTERS  FROM  AN  INNER  APARTMENT  ON  THE 
LEFT,  RANDOLPH  ENTERS  FROM  THE  MAIN  DOOR  AT  THE  FUR 
THER  END  OF  THE  STAGE.  HE  STOPS  AFTER  ADVANCING  A 
STEP  OR  TWO,  AND  SURVEYS  THE  SCENE,  WITHOUT  BEING  SEEN 
BY  THE  OTHER  ACTORS. 

GERTRUDE. — [Hurriedly .~\ — I  have  despatched  John  for  a 
physician,  and  here  is,  at  last,  that  famous  cordial  which  I 
had  mislaid,  and  could  not  find  in  the  hurry  of  the  moment. 

HENRIETTA. — It  is  no  longer  wanted,  my  dear  madam.  I 
am  well — very  well  indeed.  Please  to  accept  my  thanks  for 
your  kindness,  and  my  apology  for  the  trouble  I  have  put 
you  to. 

GERTRUDE. — No  trouble  at  all.  There  is  nothing  I  would 
not  do  with  all  my  heart  for  one  whom  my  son  has  taught 
me  to  appreciate,  to  respect,  and  to  love,  so  much  as  Miss 
Henrietta. 

HENRIETTA. — I  am  grateful  to  Mr.  Mortimer  for  this 
manifestation  of  his  good  will ;  and  allow  me  to  say  that  I 
rejoice  at  this  opportunity  of  offering  my  respects  to  the 
mother  of  a  much  esteemed  friend. 

RANDOLPH. — [Stepping  forward  and  saluting  the  whole 
company. ,] — Miss  Henrietta,  here  ?  I  confess  my  surprise  at 
the  very  unexpected  pleasure  .  . 

MORTIMER. — [Eagerly. ~\ — I  happened  to  be  looking  into 
the  street  from  that  window,  when,  seeing  Miss  Henrietta 
frightened  at  some  drunken  fellows  she  had  met  .... 

RANDOLPH. — [Smiling.'] — Nothing  more  natural  ....  and 
requiring  less  explanation,  my  good  sir. 

MORTIMER. — [With  some  confusion.'] — Certainly  .  .  .  cer 
tainly  ...  I  wanted  only  to  ... 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  a  wave  of  the  hand.~\ — Right  .  .  it  is 


THE    SCHOOL    FO'R   POLITICS.  6t 

all  right  ...  of  course. — [Looking  keenly  at  Mortimer  and 
Henrietta,  who  shrink  from  his  gaze  and  bend  their  eyes  down, 
he  says  with  a  light  tone  :] — A  fair  lady  in  danger — a  knight 
to  the  rescue !  It  seems  to  me  that  I  have  read  something 
like  it  in  the  land  of  romance. 

MORTIMER. — [Anxious  to  give  another  turn  to  the  conversa 
tion.'] — But,  Mr.  Randolph,  have  you  also  been  driven  by  the 
Lords  of  the  street  to  take  refuge  in  our  humble  house  1 

RANDOLPH. — You  forget,  my  young  friend,  that  I  had  pro 
mised  you  to  bring,  this  morning,  your  commission  as  assis 
tant  engineer. — [Draws  it  from  his  coat  pocket  and  presents 
it.~] — Here  it  is — my  word  is  redeemed. — [  With  emphasis, 
and  glancing  at  Miss  Henrietta.} — May  all  your  other  wishes 
be  as  easily  gratified ! 

MORTIMER. — You  are  a  friend  indeed  !  Command  me  for 
ever. 

RANDOLPH. — [Turning  to  Gertrude} — And  I  have  also 
come,  madam,  to  witness,  for  my  own  gratification,  all  the 
honors  which  are  to  be  paid,  so  deservedly,  to  your  husband 
— who  .... 

GERTRUDE. — [Abruptly} — Thank  you,  sir  ;  but  I  would 
much  prefer  it,  if  he  possessed  your  well  known  indifference 
to  politics. 

RANDOLPH. — Those  who,  like  my  friend  Mr.  Beckendorf, 
have  such  a  hold  on  the  affections  and  confidence  of  their  fellow 
citizens  are  public  property,  madam,  and  cannot  refuse  to 
give  their  time  and  labors  to  the  country.  I  assure  you  that 
I  willingly  join  those  who  are  desirous  to  manifest  their  ap 
preciation  of  your  husband's  services,  and  I  have  only  pre 
ceded  by  a  few  minutes  the  enthusiastic  procession  of  the  peo 
ple.  It  will  soon  be  here. 

GERTRUDE. — No  subject  of  gratulation  to  me,  I  assure  you  ! 
[./IszWe.]  Is  that  one  turning  politician  also,  and  coining  soft 
words  !  I  hope  not,  for  I  should  be  sorry  to  lose  the  consi 
deration  I  had  for  the  man. 


68  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

HENRIETTA. — I  see  that  I  must  lose  no  time  in  returning 
home.  I  was  imprudent  in  coming  out  to-day  amidst  all  this 
turmoil. 

GERTRUDE. — My  son  will  lead  you  through  a  back  passage 
into  the  next  street,  where  there  is  less  confusion  than  in  this 
one. 

MORTIMER. — [Offering  his  arm.'] — I  shall  be  happy,  Miss 
Henrietta,  to  take  care  that  you  reach  safely  the  Governor's 
house.  [They  take  leave  of  the  company,  and  go  out.'] 

RANDOLPH. — [Aside.'] — There  go  Romeo  and  Juliet,  and 
here  comes  Cardinal  Wolsey,  puffed  up  with  ambition  and 
self-consequence.  .  .  .  Beer  and  ale  for  ever ! 

GERTRUDE. — What  say,  sir1? 

RANDOLPH. — I  say,  madam,  that  here  comes  Mr.  Becken- 
dorf  with  the  members  of  the  Committee  of  Arrangements, 
who  have  been  sent  to  prepare  him  for  the  procession. 


SCENE  X. 

[Enter  BECKENDORF  and  the  COMMITTEE,  adorned  with  blue 
ribbons,  and  cockades  and  other  devices^] 

BECKENDORF. — Yes,  my  friends,  yes.  I  will  use  my  influ 
ence  in  favor  of  that  upright  and  talented  patriot,  Joe  Gam 
mon  ;  and  that  influence  shall  not  be,  I  may  venture  to  say, 
without  its  effect.  I  will  in  the  caucus  insist  upon  his  claims, 
his  services,  his  disinterestedness,  his  ever  straightforward, 
open,  and  manly  course.  With  regard  to  the  honor  which 
you  intend  to  do  me  by  putting  me  at  the  head  of  your  pro 
cession  .  .  .  and  which  the  fall  consciousness  of  my  un  worthi 
ness  compels  me  to  refuse,  so  far  as  I  am  concerned.  .  .  . 

GERTRUDE. — [./IszY/e.] — Thank  God  !  he  declines. 

BECKENDORF. — I  accept  it — not  on  my  account,  of  course, 
but  for  the  sake  of  our  noble-hearted  friend,  Joe  Gammon — 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  69 

for  the  sake  of  our  sacred  cause — for  the  interest  of  the 
people — and  with  a  view  to  the  favorable  effect  it  will  pro 
duce.  I  am  now  ready  to  join  the  procession — to  lead  this 
popular  demonstration.  As  to  yourselves,  gentlemen  of  the 
committee,  I  hope  that  you  will  do  me  the  favor  of  dining 
here  to-day  with  me — to  celebrate  the  victory  which,  before 
an  hour  is  over,  our  friend  Gammon  shall  gain  over  his  op 
ponents.  I  invite  you  all  \bowing  to  all  the  company 
present^  to  taste,  at  four  o'clock,  the  finest  hock  that  ever 
came  to  Louisiana. 

MEMBERS  OF  THE  COMMITTEE. — Hurrah  for  Beckendorf — 
our  great  leader  !  Hurrah  for  Beckendorf — the  people's 
favorite  !  \They  go  out  shouting,  which  shouts  are  responded 
to  at  a  distance.'] 

BECKENDORF. — \_Choking  with  emotion.~\ — Our  great  leader! 
you  have  heard  it,  wife  ! — the  people's  favorite ! — You  can't 
say  that  I  put  the  word  in  their  mouths.  This  is  the  begin 
ning  of  the  wide  public  career  opening  before  me.  What  an 
honor  for  our  house,  for  my  son  !  I  am  glad  of  it,  on  his 
account.  It  will  elevate  his  position  in  society  .  .  .  I'll  be 
queath  a  name  to  him,  I  will — you'll  see.  Well  now,  Mrs. 
Beckendorf,  was  I  really  so  presumptuous  as  you  thought 
me,  when  I  dared  write  to  the  President  of  the  United 
States  on  German  politics.  Suppose  he  now  saw  what  is 
going  on,  eh !  Would  he  agree  with  you  that  I  am  fit  only 
to  measure  beer  by  the  gallon  ? 

GERTRUDE. — [  With  anxiety.'] — Sit  down,  Mr.  Beckendorf — 
sit  down.  You  are  too  much  excited — you'll  fall  sick.  This 
may  bring  on  one  of  those  apoplectic  fits  you  are  liable  to. 

BECKENDORF. — [  Wiping  his  forehead.] — Fiddlesticks !  This 
is  a  day  of  triumph,  my  dear  !  Who  ever  was  sick  on  such 
an  occasion  !  Why — wife,  if  I  were  in  my  grave — I  would 
jump  out  of  it — thus  to  march  forward  at  the  head  of  the 
people  as  the  emblematic  banner  of  republican  sovereignty — 
thus  to  make  a  United  States  Senator — and  thus  to  show  to 


70  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

the  powers  that  be  in  Washington,  that  old  Beckendorf  of 
Baton  Rouge  has  also  got  a  little  power  of  his  own  in  a 
small  way.  [Rubbing  his  hands  in  high  glee.']  Hey  !  hey  ! 
wife — hey  !  hey  !  I  am  the  rising  sun,  you  see.  [  With  in 
creasing  exultation.]  Some  there  are  already  who  begin  to 
bend  the  neck  in  humble  worship  of [Discovering  Ran 
dolph^  who,  at  the  beginning  of  this  scene,  had  retreated  to  t/te 
further  end  of  the  stage]  Ah  !  Mr.  Randolph  here  !  I  beg 
your  pardon,  sir — I  was  not  aware  of  your  presence.  I  am 
so  absorbed  by  public  business.  .  [With  a  certain  tone  of 
protection.']  What  can  I  do  for  you,  sir?  You  know  my 
regard  for  you — my  influence  is  at  your  service — what  do 
you  want  1 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  cold  dignity] — Only  a  barrel  of  your 
best  beer,  Mr.  Beckendorf. 

BECKENDORF. — [Put  out  of  countenance] — Oh  !  well  .  .  . 
very  well !  ...  Is  that  all  ?  ...  At  this  time  .  .  1  can  hardly, 
as  you  see,  show  you  any  samples  .  .  My  wife  will  attend  to 
these  minute  details — excuse  me  .  .  but  you  know  that,  at 
present,  the  public  interest  requires  all  my  thoughts.  Be 
sides,  I  am  going  to  leave  off  the  trade.  [To  Mrs.  Becken 
dorf]  Wife ! — have  in  the  parlor  above,  glasses  ready,  and 
lay  before  Mr.  Randolph  our  different  kinds  of  home 
brewed  stuff.  Home-brewed,  Mr.  Randolph  !  for  I  have  be 
come  so  much  of  an  American,  that  I  import  only  my 
Rhenish  wines. 

RANDOLPH. — [To  Gertrude] — I  will  follow  you  presently, 
madam. 

BECKENDORF. — [To  Gertrude  ivho  is  going  up  the  staircase] 
— Mind,  my  dear.  Do  not  forget  to  prepare  a  glorious  din 
ner — a  dinner  worthy  of  commemorating  our  friend  Gam 
mon's  election  to  the  Senate  of  the  United  States.  [  With 
peculiar  emphasis]  A  dinner  worthy  of  our  future  position 
in  society.  Remember  to  get  out  my  best  Rhenish  wine. 
[Pointing  to  the  door  under  the  staircase]  That  which  I 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  71 

keep  under  ground — in  that  deep  cellar — to  preserve  it  ever 
cool  and  nice. 

GERTRUDE. — [On  the  staircase — impatiently.'] — Do  you 
think  I  can  attend  to  every  thing  1  I  have  very  little  time  to 
spare.  I  am  no  politician,  to  be  idling  away. 

BECKENDORF. — Well !  Well !  Don't  get  angry,  wife,  I'll 
attend  to  it,  myself,  before  going  out. 

[Exit  GERTRUDE.] 


SCENE  XI. 

[Enter  TURNCOAT  and    WAGTAIL.      BECKENDORF  stares  at 
them  with  surprise.] 

WAGTAIL. — So — Mr.  Beckendorf — you  have  disappointed 
us!  Allow  me  to  say  it  was  a  poor  excuse  you  sent  us. 
You  would  have  had  plenty  of  time  to  breakfast  with  us,  and 
return  home  to  meet  .  .  .  [with  a  slight  sneer]  the  honors 
which  expect  you.  People  must  breakfast  somewhere  or 
other — we  take  it  for  granted — and — 

BECKENDORF. — [With  a  tone  of  boastful  importance.] — 
Why,  gentlemen,  to  tell  you  the  truth,  my  house  has  been 
full  of  people  the  whole  morning,  and  I  have  scarcely  had 
time  to  swallow  .  .  . 

TURNCOAT. — A  hasty  plate  of  soup  ! 

BECKENDORF. — No  !  a  hasty  plate  of  sour-crout  and  a  cup  of 
coffee.  But,  gentlemen,  I -am  glad  you  have  come.  I  was 
going  down  my  cellar  to  draw  out  some  old  wine,  which  you 
will  taste.  [Meaningly  to  Wagtail  and  Turncoat.']  It  is  pure 
unadulterated  stuff;  no  deleterious  drugs  in  it,  I  assure  you. 
You  can  drink  it  without  peril  to  your  health.  [He  walks 
towards  the  door  of  the  cellar  under  the  staircase.] 

RANDOLPH. — Why — is  that  the  door  of  a  cellar  ?  it  looks 


72  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

like  the  door  of  an  iron  safe.  I  thought  it  was  there  you  kept 
your  valuables  in  the  shape  of  hard  coined  gold  eagles,  prom 
issory  notes,  and  other  paraphernalia. 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  a  smile  of  self-complacency.] — So  do 
I  keep  here  my  valuables — but  they  are  wines  and  choice 
beer.  Are  these  objects  not  precious,  and  do  they  not  deserve 
to  come  under  the  head  of  valuables  ?  [The  gentlemen/nod  as 
sent.]  As  to  this  door,  of  which  I  alone  keep  the  key,  and 
which  you  compare  to  that  of  an  iron  safe — [opening  it] — 
the  comparison  is  a  right  one,  as  you  see  .  .  .  four  inches 
thick  !  [tapping  on  it] — and  at  a  certain  distance  below,  there 
is  another — just  alike.  The  object  of  it  is  not  so  much  secu 
rity,  as  keeping  off  the  hot  external  air  from  the  cellar — 
which  extends  pretty  far  under  ground,  I  tell  you— and 
which  is  made  strong  with  solid  masonry.  That  is  the  way 
in  old  Germany,  and  I  have  found  it  to  answer  here ;  for  in 
Baton  Rouge  we  have  cellars,  and  are  better  off  than  in 
New  Orleans,  where  you  can't  dig  one  foot  deep  without  dan 
ger  of  getting  drowned.  [Laughing]  Excuse  the  jest,  gen 
tlemen,  and  excuse  also  my  absence  for  a  few  minutes. 
[Enters  the  cellar^] 

TURNCOAT. — [Goes  to  the  entrance  of  the  cellar  to  ascertain 
if  he  can't  be  overheard  by  Beckendorf,  and  striding  rapidly 
back  to  Randolph,  says  :] — We  are  ruined  if  that  fellow  goes 
to  the  caucus.  Then  the  Governor  is  beaten,  and  Gammon 
is  elected.  You  know  Gammon  full  well,  although  you  care 
not  for  politics,  and  stand  aloof.  That  unprincipled  rascal, 
who  grasps  without  scruple  at  every  means  of  success,  how 
ever  foul  they  may  be,  after  having  got  Tubfull,  the  member 
from  St.  Tammany,  beastly  drunk — after  having  lovingly 
paraded  with  him  in  the  streets,  has  succeeded  in  persuading 
him  that  his  wife  and  children  are  very  sick  at  home,  and 
has  shipped  him  on  board  of  a  steamboat  that  happened  to 
pass,  just  in  the  very  nick  of  time  .  .  .  and  .  .  .  Dame  Rumor 
says  Tubfull  is  so  convinced  of  the  sickness  of  his  wife  and 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  73 

children,  and  of  their  wanting  every  possible  attendance,  that 
he  has  taken  along  with  him  as  nurses,  six  strong,  athletic 
and  likely-looking  negroes  presented  to  him  by  his  generous 
friend,  Joe  Gammon ;  so  that,  the  vote  in  the  caucus  will  thus 
stand  :  35  for  Gammon  ;  34  for  the  Governor ;  yours  in 
blank,  and  15  for  Tagrag.  Thus  Gammon  is  elected !  By 
Jupiter,  what  is  to  be  done  ?  [Shouts  and  music  are  heard 
in  the  distance.'] — and  here  comes  the  procession.  There  is  no 
remedy — it  is  too  late. 

RANDOLPH. — Well,  what  do  I  care  1  What  have  I  to  do 
with  your  schemes  and  counter-schemes'?  [Casting  a  look  at 
the  door  of  the  cellar.]  What  a  singular,  truly  German 
square-toe  idea,  that  of  putting  two  such  dooi  s  to  a  cellar  !  I 
cannot  but  think  it  dangerous ;  for,  suppose  1  he  wind  or  some 
other  cause  should  close  them,  one  might  be  caught  as  in  a 
trap,  and,  what  is  worse,  one  might  crack  one's  lungs  without 
being  overheard.  [The  music  is  heard  approaching.'] 

WAGTAIL. — [Striking  his  forehead.'] — What  a  lucky  idea, 
Randolph  !  We  are  saved.  [He  runs  to  the  cellar,  enters  it, 
and  reappears,  showing  the  key  of  the  inside  door  with  a  look 
of  triumph.  Then  putting  his  hand  on  the  outside  door,  and 
looking  at  Randolph,  lie  says :]  This  dotard  must  not  be  al 
lowed  to  come  out.  [Pushing  the  door,  and  remaining  with 
the  hand  on  the  key  which  is  in  the  lock.]  He  is  now  worth 
to  Gammon  his  weight  in  gold  ...  he  is  a  jewel. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  a  peculiar  smile.'] — And  jewels  are  kept 
under  double  lock  and  key. 

WAGTAIL. — [Turning  the  key,  and  putting  it  in  his  pocket.  \ 
It  is  done. 

RANDOLPH. — [Li  a  serious  and  dignified  tone.] — This,  gen 
tlemen,  you  may  look  upon  as  a  good  joke  ;  but  1  wish  you 
to  understand  that  I  discountenance  such  a  proceeding — and 
take  no  part  in  it.  But,  after  all,  it  is  no  concern  of  mine, 
you  will  say,  and  therefore  I  wash  my  hands  of  it. 
4 


74  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 


SCENE  XII. 

JOHN. — [Entering  with  great  haste,  and  breathless.] — Here 
they  come — Here  they  are,  It  is  truly  magnificent.  Hurrah ! 
Hurrah  for  the  everlasting  Yankee  nation !  [The  head  of 
the  procession  comes  on  the  stage  with  drums,  musical  instru 
ments,  banners,  devices,  inscriptions,  and  occupies  the  back 
part  of  the  stage.  John  continuing  to  walk  across  the  stage 
with  much  agitation]  Where  is  old  Boss1?  [Hallooing] 
Mr.  Beckendorf!  Mr.  Beckendorf !  [Goes  up  the  staircase] 
Hallo !  old  Boss !  Come  down ;  the  people  are  waiting  for 
you  :  hallo  !  Do  you  hear1? 

GERTRUDE. — [Appearing  at  the  top  of  the  staircase] — 
What  is  the  matter  ?  What  is  this  noise  for  ?  Will  you 
pull  down  the  house  with  your  bellowing  1 

JOHN. — I  am  bellowing,  if  bellowing  there  be,  after  our 
leader — the  people's  favorite.  The  people,  do  you  hear, 
wants  old  Beckendorf — and  the  people  is  to  be  obeyed. 

GERTRUDE.--— Well !  he  is  below,  somewhere.  Let  the 
people  find  him. 

JOHN. — No,  he  is  not  down  here.  I  have  looked  for  him 
everywhere  below.  Pie  is  above. 

GERTRUDE. — He  is  below. 

JOHN. — I  tell  you  no!  no!  he  must  be  above.  [Hallooing] 
Old  Boss  !  [The  procession  on  the  stage  and  off  the  stage  cry 
out,  Hurrah  for  Beckendorf!  Hurrah  for  our  leader  !  Three 
cheers  for  Gammon  !]  And  the  old  man  is  not  here !  Great 
God!  will  the  people  be  kept  waiting  1  They  will  become 
impatient,  sure.  [To  some  black  servants  who  make  (heir  ap 
pearance]  Look  you,  blackies,  where  is  your  master  ?  Have 
you  murdered  him  ?  Find  him,  by  Jimmy,  or  you  will 
swing  for  it.  [The people  outside  :  Beckendorf !  Beckendorf! 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  75 

Let  him  show  himself  at  the  window.     We  want  a  speech 

a  speech  !]  [John  shoics  himself  at  the  window.']  A  little 
patience  ...  he  is  coming,  gentlemen — he  is  coming.  [Out 
side:  That  is  right — bring  out  the  old  fox,  Johnny — bring 
him  out.  lie  is  too  modest  and  coy  for  an  old  maid.] 
Where  is  he  ?  Where  can  he  be  ?  The  people,  when  they 
get  together,  have  not  much  patience.  I  know  the  temper  of 
this  excitable,  everlasting  Yankee  nation.  They  will  mob 
the  house  if  the  old  man  don't  come  out.  That  they  will. 

BLACK  BOY. — [Coming  from  one  direction  in  hot  haste.] — 
Can't  find  master. 

OTHER  BLACK  BOY. — [Rushing  in  from  another  direction.] 
— Massa  must  have  run  away. 

JOHN. — [Shaking  his  Jist  at  them.] — You  woolly-headed 
scoundrels,  when  I  have  time  I'll  walk  into  you,  I  will ! 

PEOPLE. — [On  the  stage  and  outside] — Beckendorf !  Becken- 
dorf !  three  cheers  for  him  !  three  cheers  for  Gammon  ! 

JOHN. — Who  ever  saw  the  like  of  this  ?  Has  the  old  man 
been  kidnapped  ?  A  mist  comes  over  my  eyes — I  see  noth 
ing.  My  blood  boils  and  rushes  up  to  my  head — I  feel 
bursting.  The  people  are  losing  their  patience  fast,  I  know. 
After  shouting  cheers,  they  will  soon  be  giving  groans, 
and  the  old  man  will  lose  his  popularity — and  he  will  re 
main  on  the  shelf  all  his  lifetime — whilst,  if  he  rises — I  rise 
too — I,  John  Tobias  Nutmeg — for  I'll  stick  to  his  coat-tail 
fast  enough. 

GERTRUDE. — [Reappear in  a  at  the  top  of  the  staircase] — He 
must,  on  reconsideration,  have  preferred  going  to  the  State 
House  privately  and  without  all  this  parade. 

JOHN:. — [Hastily.'] — Not  he  !  Lord  !  He  has  got  too  much 
sense  for  that ;  he  is  too  good  a  republican  thus  to  baulk  the 
people.  He  would  have  liked  to  have  enjoyed  the  fun  as 
well  as  anybody.  [ylsiWe.]  I  suspect  foul  play.  [Looking 
round,  he  perceives  Wagtail  and  Turncoat,  ivho,  with  Ran 
dolph,  when  the  crowd  had  come  on  the  stage,  had  retired  to  a 


16  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

corner  of  it  and  remained  there,  apparently  in  earnest  conver 
sation.  He  walks  up  to  them,  and  recognizing  Turncoat  and 
Wagtail,  he  looks  terror-struck,  and  exclaims  :]  The  mystery- 
is  explained.  Here  are  the  murderers.  Help  !  seize  them. 
Where  is  the  old  man,  my  sweethearts,  eh  ?  I  overheard 
you — mind — when  I  delivered  the  letter.  You  wanted 
then  to  get  rid  of  the  honest  old  man.  You  have  got  rid  of 
him  now.  But  [laying  hold  of  them.']  you'll  answer  for  it. 
It  is  I  who  tell  you  so — I,  John  Tobias  Nutmeg,  of  Slick- 
ville,  Connecticut ! 

[WAGTAIL  and  TURNCOAT  shaking  him  off.] 

WAGTAIL. — Beware,  madman  ! 

TURNCOAT. — Hands  off,  infernal  blockhead  ! 

GERTRUDE. — [Running  down  the  staircase.'] — The  fact  is 
that  I  left  my  husband  in  this  room  just  now,  and  it  is  a 
mystery  how.  .  .  . 

WAGTAIL. — I  assure  you,  madam,  that  a  minute  or  two 
after  we  had  come  in,  Mr.  Beckendorf  went  out  of  this  room. 

TURNCOAT. — I  will  swear  to  it,  and  Mr.  Randolph  saw  him 
when  he  left  us. 

GERTRUDE. — [With  evident  satisfaction.] — Then  he  must 
have  gone  by  the  back  way  to  the  State  House,  to  avoid  all 
this  foolish  parade.  I  am  glad  of  it — very  glad.  Gentle 
men,  excuse  me,  I  must  attend  to  business. — [She  courtesies  to 
them  and  goes  out] 

JOHN. — [ylstfeft?.] — That's  queer  !  I  never  could  have  sup 
posed  him  so  modest — so  very  modest  as  that — no  how. 

RANDOLPH. — [Addressing  the  assembly] — If  Mrs.  Becken 
dorf  s  supposition  be  correct,  had  we  not  better  proceed  im 
mediately  to  the  State  House  ]  It  is  twelve — the  hour  fixed 
for  holding  the  caucus. 

[They  all  cry :  Let  us  go  !  let  us  go  !  The  music  strikes, 
and  the  procession  moves  on  with  all  sorts  of  shouts  inside 
and  outside.  It  is  followed  by  Wagtail  and  Turncoat  arm 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  7t 

in  arm,  and  chuckling  at  their  success.     John  comes  next — 
eyeing  Way  tail  and  Turncoat  suspiciously.] 

RANDOLPH. — [Alone — musingly. ,] — And  so  there  will  be, 
this  morning,  no  choice  by  the  caucus.  Tubfull  is  sent  home. 
[Expressing  with  the  thumb  and  index  the  payment  of 
money.]  Beckendorf  is  kept  home.  [Making  the  sign  of 
turning  the  keyJ]  Thus,  the  vote  will  be  :  34  for  Governor  ; 
do.  for  Gammon ;  15  for  Tagrag ;  and  my  vote  in  blank. 
Well !  well !  my  two  worthy  friends  and  political  gamblers 
have  no  right  to  complain.  The  game  is  kept  even  between 
them,  and  they  are  both  fairly  checkmated  for  the  present. 
[Exit.'} 


SCENE  I. 

AT  THE  GOVERNOR'S  HOUSE. — LOVEDALE,  HENRIETTA. 

HENRIETTA. — Is  there  any  thing  new,  Mr.  Lovedale  1  My 
father  seems  highly  displeased.  There  appears  to  be  some 
cause  of  excitement.  What  does  it  signify  ? 

LOVEDALE. — Nothing  very  particular. 

HENRIETTA. — I  beg  your  pardon.  My  father  has  shut 
himself  up  in  his  closet,  and  has  sent  for  Messrs.  Trim  sail, 
Wagtail,  Turncoat,  and  some  others  of  his  friends.  He 
seems  more  agitated  and  more  seriously  concerned  than 
would  warrant,  I  should  think,  any  occurrence  of  a  merely 
political  nature. 

LOVEDALE. — I  can't  imagine  what  it  is,  except  his  disap 
pointment  at  the  result  of  the  caucus,  which  met,  you  know, 
at  twelve  o'clock,  and  in  which  he  expected  to  get  the  ma 
jority.  But  it  has  turned  out  to  be  a  drawn  game  of  chess 
between  him  and  Gammon,  34  to  34.  Gammon  had  en 
trapped  away  one  of  the  Governor's  friends,  and  the  Gover 
nor  had  returned  the  compliment,  it  seems,  by  kidnapping 
one  of  Gammon's  supporters  and  pillars  of  strength,  so  that 
they  have  shown  themselves  fairly  matched,  and  worthy  of 
being  pitted  against  one  another.  Bonaparte  and  Welling 
ton,  faith  !  Who  is  to  be  the  victor,  time  will  show. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  79 

• 

HENRIETTA. — I  know  that  my  father,  unfortunately,  takes 
but  too  deep  an  interest  in  politics,  and  that  a  seat  in  the 
United  States  Senate  he  would  hold  as  dear  to  him  as  life. 
[Mournfully.]  I  know  what  sacrifices  he  would  make  to  ob 
tain  it.  But  still  I  am  convinced  that  he  would  not  resort  to 
the  very  extraordinary  means  you  have  alluded  to.  Kidnap 
ping  !  Did  you  say — kidnapping,  Mr.  Lovedale  1 

LOYEDALE.— [  With  some  degree  of  embarrassment.'] — Merely 
as  a  sort  of  figure  of  speech.  I  mean  no  criminal  and  violent 
abd  action,  of  course,  but  the  application  of  gentle  persuasion 
— some  jocular  contrivance,  or  diplomatic  stratagem,  or 
something  of  the  kind,  to  keep  out  of  the  way  one  that  is 
troublesome — no  violation  of  law  whatever — nothing  which 
may  possibly  fall  within  the  range  of  any  penal  statute — no 
thing  that  could  expose  one  to  an  indictment.  After  all,  it  is 
a  mere  idle  rumor  that  is  circulated  by  mischievous  persons. 

HENRIETTA. — [With  indignation.] — And  I  hope,  sir,  you 
will  give  it  the  most  direct  contradiction. 

LOVEDALE. — You  attach  too  much  importance  to  what  the 
people  think  very  lightly  of,  1  assure  you.  Should  the  rumor 
which  I  have  mentioned  prove  true,  the  Governor,  I  have  no 
doubt,  would  be  rather  admired  than  blamed,  particularly 
in  case  of  success.  Political  morality  is  an  obsolete  idea.  It 
would  be  just  as  much'  out  of  place  now-a-days  as  the  fashion 
in  which  our  great-grandfathers  used  to  dress — powdered 
wigs,  knee-buckles,  and  short  breeches. 

HENRIETTA. — Hist !  I  hear  a  noise. 

LOVEDALE. — What  is  it  ? 

HENRIETTA. — I  thought  I  heard  some  distant  noise — some 
clamors.  May  there  not  be  some  popular  disturbance — a 
riotl 

LOVEDALE. — A  riot!  poh !  to  what  purpose?  No,  no. 
perhaps  some  pugilistic  encounter  between  two  drunken  gut 
ter  politicains — one  of  Gammon's,  and  one  of  the  Governor's 
friends — settling  their  difference  of  opinion  at  the  door, of 


80  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

some  grog-shop  ;  for  we  politicians  must  have  friends  every 
where,  and  the  lowest  are  not  the  worst. 

HENRIETTA. — How  shocking  !  I  wish  the  election  over ; 
it  keeps  me  in  the  most  nervous  state  of  apprehension. 

LOVEDALE. — \_Sneeringly .] — Why?J  hope  you  don't  grudge 
\ (the  people  the  right  of  knocking  one  another  on  the  head, 
^according  to  their  whim  or  caprice.  This  is  a  free  country. 
Besides,  election  days  are  holidays — a  privileged  time  for 
getting  drunk — earning  an  honest  penny — indulging  in  some 
little  pot-luck  speculations,  and  raising  the  committee  of  ways 
and  means  for  household  purposesTj  You  must  make  your 
self  familiar  with  these  things,  particularly  as  you  are  to  be 
the  wife  of  a  politician,  Henry  Lovedale,  your  humble  ser 
vant  and  sincere  admirer.  But  let  us  talk  of  our  marriage, 
which  is  to  take  place  shortly  after  this  election  is  over. 
Let  us  talk  of  our  future  happiness,  and  let  us  hope  that  it  is 
not  to  be  for  ever  retarded  by  an  eternal  caucus  balloting. 
[Noise  in  the  distance^  Ah!  you  were  right,  Miss  Henri 
etta.  I  hear  a  good  deal  of  noise.  What  can  be  the  matter  1 
It  sounds  like, the  angry^tones  of  an  excited  multitude. 

HENRIETTA. — Indeed — tEe"streets""are~no  longer  safe.  I  am 
glad  my  father  is  at  home.  This  small  town  is  so  crowded 
with  individuals,  who  seem  to  have  come  purposely  for  this 
election,  from  every  part  of  the  State  !  What  an  excite 
ment  !  How  can  the  election  of  a  United  States  Senator  pro 
duce  any  thing  like  it  ?  One  would  think  that  the  very  ex 
istence  of  the  State  is  at  stake. 

LOVEDALE. — I  will  borrow  a  phrase  from  Hamlet,  to 
answer  you : — "  There  are  more  things  under  heaven  and 
earth  than  are  dreamed  of  in  your  philosophy." 

HENRIETTA. — There  are  many  things  that  rny  philosophy 
does  not  care  about,  I  assure  you — but,  this  morning,  it  was 
severely  put  to  the  test ;  for  I  was  greatly  alarmed  and  al 
most  assaulted  by  drunken  ruffians — and  if  it  had  not  been 
for  the  assistance  of  Mr.  Mortimer  . 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  81 

LOVEDALE. — Is  it  possible  ? 

HENRIETTA. — Who  protected  and  accompanied  me  home  .  . 

LOVEDALE. — Mr.  Mortimer !  How  did  he  dare  do  any 
such  thing  !  How  came  he  to  fancy  himself  the  right  to  pro 
tect  you !  Presumptuous  coxcomb  !  He  had  better  show 
himself  capable  of  protecting  his  own  father,  before  extending 
his  protection  out  of  his  family  circle. 

HENRIETTA. — His  father  !  Mr.  Mortimer's  father !  What 
has  happened  to  him  ? 

LOVEDALE. — Why — Gammon,  having  seduced  away  one 
of  the  Governor's  friends,  the  Honorable  Tubfull,  of  St.  Tam 
many,  would  have  been  elected  at  the  caucus  which  took  place 
to-day,  at  twelve  o'clock,  if  old  Beckendorf,  who  was  to  head 
the  procession  got  up  by  Gammon,  had  not  mysteriously  dis 
appeared — so  that  the  ballot  thus  stood:  34  for  Governor; 
34  for  Gammon,  instead  of  35,  as  was  expected — and  after 
many  ballots  with  the  same  result — 34  for  Gammon — 34  for 
the  Governor — 15  for  Tagrag — and  Mr.  Randolph's  eternal 
blank  vote,  the  caucus  adjourned  until  this  evening  at  eight ; 
and  the  Governor,  having  profited  by  Beckendorf  s  disap 
pearance,  is  supposed  to  have  had  a  hand  in  it. 

HENRIETTA. — [  With  much  warmth.] — I  hope  you  do  not  be 
lieve  any  such  thing,  Mr.  Lovedale. 

LOVEDALE. — No.  But  suppose  I  did.  I  would  not  blame 
the  Governor ;  it  would  be  tit  for  tat — and  all  right. 

HENRIETTA. — Can  such  things  be1?  [A  repetition  of  the 
noise.]  Again  this  noise  !  But  here  is  your  uncle  Trimsail. 
He  will  explain  all  this  mystery. 


SCENE  II. 

[Enter  TRIMSAIL.] 

HENRIETTA. — Speak,  Mr.  Trimsail— what  is  the  matter  ? 
TRIMSAIL. — Almost  an  insurrection — faith!- 
4* 


82  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

HENRIETTA. — An  insurrection  ! — of  negroes  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — No — of  whites — in  this  hitherto  exemplary, 
quiet  town. 

LOVEDALE. — This  is  a  strange  piece  of  news,  uncle.  How 
^,an  that  be  1 

TRIMSAIL. — That  half  cracked — harum  scarum  Yankee  boy 
— John  Tobias  Nutmeg — has  been  running  all  over  the  town 
— accusing  Wagtail  and  Turncoat  of  having  murdered  or  kid 
napped  old  Beckendorf.  He  swears  he  heard  them  plan  it ; 
he  has  got  together  all  the  men  employed  by  Beckendorf; 
filled  them  to  the  brim  with  his  wild  cock-a-bull  stories,  and 
goaded  them  into  a  rage.  All  the  low  and  evil  disposed 
people  about  the  town  have  joined  them,  and  threatened  to 
march  upon  the  Governor's  house,  to  ascertain  if  the  old 
German  is  not  therein  locked  up  in  some  dark  corner,  and 
kept  in  durance  vile. 

HENRIETTA. — Can  any  thing  so  absurd  have  taken  posses 
sion  of  any  body's  brains,  much  less  be  believed  by  a  num 
ber  of  people  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — The  more  absurd  the  story,  the  sooner  believed  : 
such  is  human  nature.  But  it  is  supposed  that  some  deep 
plotter  is  at  the  bottom  of  it,  and  is  skilfully  seizing  on  this 
opportunity  as  a  windfall,  in  order  to  ruin  the  Governor  and 
destroy  his  chances  of  election. 

LOVEDALE. — [With  a  tone  of  self-complacency,  and  strik 
ing  his  nose  with  his  index. ] — Not  so  bad  !— not  so  bad  ! 
I  declare.  A  good  move — decidedly,  a  good  move — • 
Gammon's,  I  dare  say.  I  see  through  it — I  smell  the  old 
politician. 

HENRIETTA.  —  But  this  is  incredible,  gentlemen.  Mr. 
Trimsail,  please  go  and  address  those  deluded  and  ignorant 
people.  Tell  them  that  they  are  offering  the  most  uncalled- 
for  insult  to  one  of  their  fellow-citizens,  by  harboring  in 
their  minds,  even  for  a  minute,  a  supposition  which  has  no 
ground  at  all  to  rest  upon.  Tell  them  that  they  forget  what 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  83 

is  due  to  themselves — to  the  dignity  of  the  State — when  they 
outrage  its  chief  magistrate. 

TRIMSAIL. —  [Embarrassed.] — My  presence  among  them, 
would  do  more  harm  than  good.  I  am  known  to  be-  intimate 
with  Turncoat  and  Wagtail,  who  are  suspected  of  being  the 
Governor's  agents  in  this  affair.  I  would  therefore  compro- 
mit  myself  for  nothing. 

HENRIETTA. — But  you,  Mr.  Lovedale,  you  have  no  such 
grounds  of  excuse.  Besides,  you  are  now  almost  a  member 
of  our  family,  and  it  becomes  you  therefore  to  .... 

LOVEDALE. — [Falteringly,  and  stammering  with  confusion.] 
— I  beg  your  pardon  ...  I  can't  interfere.  I  am  the  nephew 
of  my  uncle  there  .  .  .  who  has  just  mentioned  to  you  his  in 
timacy  with  Wagtail  and  Turncoat — and  my  uncle's  friends 
will  be  supposed  to  be  mine !  Why  should  I  put  my  popular 
ity  to  any  hazard  1 

HENRIETTA. — But,  sir,  you  will  not  permit  those  people  to 
come  here  1  Surely  you  will  not. 

LOVEDALE. —  [Put  out  of  countenanced] — Certainly  not ; 
some  ways  and  means  must  be  devised — but  I  am  taken  by 
surprise — really,  I  don't  know  what  to  do.  Thank  God !  here 
is  Mr.  Randolph  ;  he  is  always  ready  with  good  suggestions 
on  every  emergency. 

TRIMSAIL. — Besides,  he  has  no  political  aspirations — no 
reason  to  humor  the  people  one  way  or  the  other — nothing 
to  gain  or  lose — the  right  sort  of  man  to  send  to  them  on 
such  an  occasion. 


SCENE  III. 

[Enter  RANDOLPH.] 

LOVEDALE. — We  are  happy  to  see  you,  indeed,  Mr.  Ran 
dolph.     I  hope  you  bring  us  good  news — news  that  will  quiet 

Miss  Henrietta's  alarms.  .  .  . 


84  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  a  lurking  sneer, ,] — In  which  you  must 
have  your  full  share,  no  doubt — as  every  lover's  pulse  throbs 
in  unison  with  that  of  the  being  he  adores.  [Turning  round 
to  Trimsail.~\  Oh!  is  that  you.  Colonel  Trimsail? 

TRIMSAIL. — I  have  come  in  haste  to  give  the  Governor 
timely  information  of  what  is  going  on,  and  of  what  he  has 
to  fear  from  the  ferment  existing  in  the  town  against  him. 

RANDOLPH. — I  am  just  from  his  closet,  where  a  number  of 
his  friends  have  met. 

LOVEDALE. — What  has  been  decided  upon  ? 

RANDOLPH. — There  had  been  a  great  deal  of  talking,  but 
no  definitive  resolution  adopted,  when  I  left.  Words — words, 
and  no  agreement  as  to  any  particular  course  of  action,  as  is 
generally  the  case  on  such  occasions. 

LOVEDALE. — This  is  what  I  call  a  deplorable  want  of 
energy.  I  should  think  there  is  no  longer  any  time  left  for 
deliberation.  [Noise  heard  in  the  street.]  Really,  something 
must  be  done,  and  promptly. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  What  is  to  be  done  1  There  are 
two  companies  of  the  United  States  troops  in  garrison  here. 
Do  you  advise  that  they  be  called  out  to  quell  the  riot  ? 

LOVEDALE. — God  forbid  !  It  would  ruin  us  all,  and  the 
party  too  in  the  State.  The  popularity  of  no  man  could 
withstand  the  consequence  of  shedding  one  drop  of  the  blood 
of  the  people  by  the  regulars. 

TRIMSAIL. — Besides,  we  belong  to  the  State  Rights  wing  of 
the  party,  and,  whatever  be  the  emergency,  we  must  take 
care  how  we  rely  on  the  arm  of  the  federal  government. 

HENRIETTA. — But  you,  Mr.  Randolph — what  would  you 
advise  1 

RANDOLPH. — I  would  advise  to  do — nothing. 

HENRIETTA,  TRIMSAIL,  AND  LOVEDALE. — Nothing  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Yes.  Let  things  take  their  course — they 
regulate  themselves  in  the  end.  It  is  often  the  best  policy 
to  know  when  to  fold  one's  arms  and  wait. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  85 

LOVEDALE. — Perhaps  it  is  after  all  the  wisest  course  ;  for, 
when  the  people  shall  have  threatened  and  clamored  to  their 
hearts'  content  .... 

RANDOLPH. — Then  they  will  get  tired  of  it,  and  be  quiet 
again. 

LOVEDALE. — Exactly  what  I  was  going  to  say. 

TRIMSAIL. — But  should  they  mob  the  house  ? 

RANDOLPH. — Why  should  they  1  Open  all  the  doors 
when  they  come — shake  hands  with  them — broach  two  or 
three  barrels  of  brandy,  whisky  and  beer — and  ten  to  one, 
if  they  come  in  discontented  and  groaning — they  will  go  out 
satisfied  and  shouting. 

LOVEDALE. — But  they  are  greatly  excited,  and  may  pelt 
down  the  house  with  brickbats. 

RANDOLPH. — In  that  case  I  would  advise  the  Governor  to 
come  out — to  put  himself  at  the  head  of  the  rioters,  and  to 
pelt  his  own  house  with  more  ardor  than  the  wildest  of  them 
all.  That  would  bring  them  to  their  senses. 

HENRIETTA. — There  is  wit,  and  good  sense  too,  in  the 
advice.  After  all,  let  them  examine  every  part  of  the  house. 
This  is  the  best  thing  they  can  do  for  my  father,  and  it  will 
convince  them  that  old  Mr.  Beckendorf  is  not  secreted  here, 
and  demonstrate  to  them  the  gross  absurdity  of  the  story 
they  have  believed  in. 


SCENE  IV. 

[Enter  GOVERNOR.] 

GOVERNOR. — Don't  be  alarmed,  Henrietta.  Let  the  people 
come,  I  am  prepared  for  them. 

HENRIETTA. — I  am  happy  to  hear  it.  I  was  sure,  father, 
that  you  could  give  an  easy  and  satisfactory  explanation  of 
this  affair. 


86  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. — To  be  sure — to  be  sure.  Wagtail  knows 
what  has  become  of  old  Beckendorf,  and  will  tell  the  people 
where  he  is. 

TRIMSAIL. — Ho  !  ho  ! 

RANDOLPH. — [Aside.'] — The  devil  he  will ! 

GOVERNOR. — And  he  will  demonstrate  that  neither  I  nor 
any  of  my  friends  had  any  share  in  what  has  happened. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  a  smile,  to  himself J\ — This  promises  to 
be  amusing.  The  fellow  must  have  some  ingenuity  after  all. 

TRIMSAIL. — [^4s^e.] — He  must  have  more  brass  than  a 
ten-pounder.  [To  the  Governor, ,]  I  am  overjoyed  at  the 
turn  which  this  untowrard  event  now  takes.  I  am  happy  to 
hear  that  the  infamous  suspicions  so  maliciously  raised 
against  you  will  be  so  soon  set  aside. 

GOVERNOR. — Annihilated!  completely  so.  But  another 
cause  of  anxiety  remains.  Old  Beckendorf  will  soon  make 
his  appearance  .  .  .  and  .  .  .  and  .  .  the  caucus,  you  know, 
meets  again  at  eight  o'clock  this  evening,  and  Gammon  is 
sure  to  be  elected  by  that  vote. 

TRIMSAIL. — It  is  on  this  subject  I  wish  to  entertain  you  con 
fidentially.  Governor. 

[Randolph  and  Henrietta,  who,  during  the  preceding  dia 
logue  had  moved  off  and  had  been  conversing  together,  now  ap 
proach  the  other  actors.] 

HENRIETTA. — Father,  I  leave  you,  and  retire  into  my 
apartment.  I  feel  that  I  need  some  rest. 

GOVERNOR. — Do  so — but  please  to  come  back  as  soon  as 
possible,  Henrietta,  for  I  wish  to  have  some  private  conver 
sation  with  you. 

LOVEDALE. — [Presenting  his  hand.] — Allow  me,  Miss 
Henrietta,  to  accompany  you  to  the  door  of  your  apart 
ment.  [To  the  Governor.]  Then  I  will  step  out  awhile,  to 
see  what  is  going  on,  and  report  on  the  movements  of  the 
enemy.  [Exit.] 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  87 


SCENE  Y. 

RANDOLPH. — I  am  going  to  your  library,  Governor,  and 
shall  remain  there  until  it  be  time  to  show  myself  by  your 
side,  and  to  meet  your  accusers  and  the  grand  jury  of  the 
people,  who  seem,  by  the  by,  to  have  formed  themselves 
into  a  boistero'us  one,  to  try  summarily  this  important  case. 
[With  mock  gravity.]  Should  you  be  compelled  to  plead 
guilty  or  not  guilty  before  Judge  Lynch,  I  am  determined 
to  have  myself  appointed  by  the  court  for  your  defence. 
[  Walks  towards  the  door  as  if  to  go  out] 

TRIMSAIL. — You  are  not  going  out,  Mr.  Randolph  ?  The 
Governor  and  myself  have  no  secrets  for  you. 

GOVERNOR. — Yes — stay,  by  all  means,  Randolph.  We 
want,  if  possible,  to  compel  you,  one  day  or  other,  to  take 
some  active  part  in  politics. 

RANDOLPH. — If  it  be  your  intention,  I  defy  you  to  succeed. 
But  I  shall  remain,  since  you  will  have  it  so,  in  order  that, 
by  familiarizing  myself  with  all  your  petty  anxieties,  your 
miserable  intrigues  and  catch-penny  diplomacy,  I  may  con 
firm  myself  in  what  you  call  my  indolence — my  culpable  in 
difference — but  what  /  call  my  wise  and  just  aversion  for 
the  life  you  are  so  fond  of.  Politics !  .  .  .  fie  !  .  .  and  lilipu- 
tian  politics  too  !  .  .  .  The  spasmodic  exertions  of  an  insect 
over  the  frothy  surface  of  a  bucket  of  dirty  water.  Out 
upon  it ! 

GOVERNOR. — Well !  well !  swallow  your  disgust,  and 
listen  to  what  Trimsail  has  to  say. 

TRIMSAIL. — This  I  have  to  say  :  you  know,  Governor,  that 
my  heart  has  always  been  with  you ;  but,  from  certain  cir 
cumstances  which  connect  me  with  Gammon,  and  in  obedience 
to  the  express  wish  of  my  constituents,  I  have  thus  far  voted 
for  him  in  the  caucus.  But  ....  [with  a  great  display  of 


88  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

sentiment]  after  what  has  happened — resenting  the  infamous 
accusation  which  has  been  so  recklessly  brought  against  you, 
and  which  was  intended  to  ruin  your  reputation — having, 
besides,  the  proof  that  Mr.  Gammon  is  at  the  bottom  of  this 
hue  and  cry  raised  against  you — indignant  at  the  injustice 
done  to  you  personally,  and  at  the  affront  offered  to  the 
Executive  of  the  State  by  this  demonstration  against  him  .  .  . 
founded  on  unworthy  suspicions;  and  besides,  taking  into 
consideration  that  our  two  families  are  to  make  but  one  by 
the  marriage  of  my  nephew  with  your  daughter,  I  have  come 
to  the  conclusion  to  vote  for  you,  this  evening,  with  another 
of  my  friends,  giving  you  two  additional  votes,  and  thereby 
a  majority  of  one,  in  spite  of  Beckendorf's  future  reappear 
ance, 

GOVERNOR. — [Grasping  his  hands.] — This  is  saving  me 
from  drowning.  I  am  bounden  to  you  for  ever. 

RANDOLPH. — [.4siWe.] — Infamous  traitor ! 

TRIMSAIL. — But  .  .  .  this  is  to  be  secret,  of  course.  The 
two  votes  will  come  out  in  your  favor  without  its  being 
known  who  gave  them.  I  must  not  expose  myself  to  my  con 
stituents'  disavowal  and  to  Gammon's  hostility.  We  poli 
ticians  must  have  a  due  regard  for  certain  considerations,  and 
must  manage  to  keep  up  appearances .  .  .  fair  appearances  at 
least. 

GOVERNOR. — Certainly — certainly — I  understand  it  so.  It 
shall  be  secret  of  course.  This  is  a  matter  of  honor  between 
us. 

RANDOLPH. — [^iwde.] — Really, — a  precious  scoundrel  .  .  . 
this  fellow  Trimsail!  [To  the  Governor  and  Trimsail,  with  a 
slight  indication  of  contempt  in  his  tone]  I  compliment  you 
both,  gentlemen. 

TRIMSAIL. — [^4s£c?6!.] — He  can't  now  deny  that  he  will  be 
indebted  to  me  for  his  election.  It  is  done  before  a  witness, 
and  handsomely  too,  I  think ;  for  I  just  seized  the  opportune 
moment  by  the  forelock.  [To  the  Governor,  and  pulling  out 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  89 

his  watch.]  The  sun  is  going  down — the  caucus  will  meet  at 
eight.  You  have  not  to  wait  long  for  your  success. 

GOVERNOR. — How  shall  I  ever  acknowledge 

TRIMSAIL. — Pooh  !  Governor  ;  don't  think  so  much  of  it. 
[-4«Yfe.]  I  hope  you  will,  though !  Now  a  judge,  or  never, 
I  should  think. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  gentlemen,  I  thank  you  for  the  lesson 
you  have  given  me,  as  you  said  you  intended.  Faith  !  This 
is  indeed  the  school  for  politics,  and,  if  I  do  not  profit  by  it, 
it  shall  be  my  fault. 


SCENE  YI. 

[LOVEDALE  coming  in.~\ 

LOVEDALE. — [In  a  light,  gay  tone  to  Randolph.] — Ay — if 
you  received  a  few  more  lessons  of  the  kind ;  if  you  ever 
condescended  to  associate  more  with  me,  and  to  be  guided  by 
my  advice,  you  might,  considering  all  the  advantages  you  pos 
sess,  soon  become  the  first  man  in  the  State.  [Turning  to  the 
Governor.]  But — to  the  purpose — I  have  just  been  looking 
about  what  is  going  on  ...  and  .  .  [turning  again  to  Ran 
dolph]  had  you  been  with  me,  you  would  have  seen  how  far 
political  skill  can  be  carried.  I  declare  ....  I  admire  that 
fellow  Joe  Gammon.  [To  the  Governor .]  Yes,  Governor,  I 
admire  him.  That's  a  fact ;  he  is  our  master — he  is  indeed ! 
and  we  shall  deserve  credit  if  we  overreach  him. 

GOVERNOR. — What  trick  has  the  old  sinner  been  at  again  1 
LOVEDALE. — [Laughing!  ah!  ah!] — Why — he  who  had 
been,  in  a  sly,  underhand  way,  circulating  the  rumor  of  your 
having  caused  the  old  German  to  be  kidnapped — he  who  had 
got  up  all  this  excitement  by  the  mere  shaking  of  his  little 
finger,  and  who  is  always  so  well  understood  and  so  faithfully 
obeyed  by  his  agents,  without  his  compromitting  himself  by 


90 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 


word  or  action— he — faith — has  just  been  haranguing  the  mob 
most  pathetically — defending  you  with  great  zeal — swearing 
that  you  are  innocent,  and  that  he  will  die  by  your  side  in 
screening  you  from  those  odious  imputations.  The  upshot  of 
it  is,  that  he  has  persuaded  the  people  not  to  come  here  in  a 
body,  as  it  would  be,  he  said,  an  indecent  attempt  at  intimi- 
dation,but  merely  to  send  you  a  committee  of  inquiry,  that  will, 
I  am  sure,  insult  you,  whilst  pretending  to  keep  up  all  the  ap 
pearances  of  courtesy,  and  that  will  do  more  mischief  than  if  a 
band  of  rioters  should  pull  down  the  house.  Nay — that  in 
carnate  humbug  has  succeeded  in  passing  himself  off  for  a 
noble-hearted  fellow.  I  left  the  people  shouting  in  praise  of 
his  generosity  and  of  his  chivalrous  deportment  towards  you. 

TRIMSAIL. — This  is  indeed  worthy  of  the  old  fox. 

LOVEDALE. — And  who  do  you  think  is  one  of  the  most  con 
spicuous  in  that  deputation — that  committee  of  inquiry  ? 
Why,  John  Tobias  Nutmeg,  that  hopeful  importation  from 
Connecticut.  What  a  farce  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  let  us  go  to  the  gallery  in  the  front 
part  of  the  house,  there  to  wait  for  those  ministers  plenipo 
tentiary  sent  by  his  Majesty — the  sovereign  people.  Be 
sides,  I  confess  that  I  need  some  fresh  air. 

LOVEDALE. — Agreed. 

TRIMSAIL. — We  follow  you.     [Exeunt.] 


SCENE  VII. 

GOVERNOR. — [Alone,  with  great glee.~\ — And  so  my  election 
as  United  States  Senator  is  secured.  Ah!  ah!  Well,  now  .  .  .  . 
I  must  think  of  consolidating  my  power,  and  retaining  that 
seat  for  the  remainder  of  my  life.  I'll  give  Trimsail  the 
judgeship  he  wishes;  he  is  the  uncle  of  my  intended  son-in- 
law  ;  he  is  serving  me  a  good  turn,  I  must  confess ;  he  is  a 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  91 

shrewd,  active,  pushing  fellow — could-  not  fly  very  high 
though,  with  his  own  wings,  and  therefore  he  will  always 
stand  in  need  of  me — faith  !  an  excellent  tool,  in  a  subordinate 
capacity.  As  to  Lovedale,  I  must  have  him  elected  to  the 
lower  house  in  Congress  ;  he  will  there  be  very  useful  to  me. 
My  other  friends  and  dependents  occupy  most  of  the  offices 
in  the  State ;  and,  before  I  resign,  I  shall  take  care  to  fence 
in  my  power  with  still  more  effect.  But  who  is  to  be  my 
successor  as  Governor  1  There  is  nobody  that  I  could  trust 
in  that  position.  The  election  is  to  take  place  next  year,  at 
the  expiration  of  my  term.  If  a  mere  nonentity  is  put  for 
ward — a  man  of  straw — he  may  not  be  elected.  If  he  be  a 
man  of  any  strength,  he  might  be  in  my  way  at  some  future 
time.  There  is  the  rub.  Let  me  see  ....  let  me  see  .... 
Randolph  would  be  the  man,  if  he  could  be  persuaded  to  run  ; 
he  is  very  wealthy,  and  could  stand  bleeding  freely ;  he  is 
highly  respected  for  his  integrity,  for  his  name ;  he  is  ad 
mired  for  his  talents,  and,  besides,  I  should  get  credit  for  put 
ting  forward  such  a  man.  I  would  take  care  to  do  it  in  the 
most  conspicuous  manner.  It  would  do  away  with  the  popu 
lar  belief,  and  even  the  reproach,  that  I  suffer  no  man  to  reach 
any  public  distinction  in  the  State  unless  he  swears  allegiance 
to  me.  To  such  supposition,  my  supporting  such  a  man  as 
Randolph  would  be  the  best  answer.  Yes,  policy  points  out 
this  course  to  me.  The  difficulty  would  be  to  induce  him  to 
accept  the  candidateship,  and  then  to  remain  in  office  until 
the  expiration  of  his  term.  He  is  so  indifferent  to  politics ! 
What  a  singular  man  !  When  in  one  of  his  fits,  he  might 
send  the  Legislature  and  the  State  House  itself  to  .  .  .  a  place- 
unfit  for  them,  certainly ;  and  after  having  showered  about 
his  sarcasms  as  usual,  he  might  retire  to  his  plantation  to 
bury  himself  among  his  books.  No  practical  man  that,  nor 
ever  will  ;  he  is  born  to  lounge  away  through  life,  and  be  in 
nobody's  way — the  very  reason,  by  the  by,  why  I  should 
like  to  have  him  for  Governor.  Yes,  he  is  the  right  kind  of 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS. 


man  I  want.     Well,  I'll  try  hard  to  come  over  him.     We'll 
see,  we'll  see. 


SCENE  YIII. 

HENRIETTA. — [Coming  in.~\ — Father,  I  have  just  over 
heard  Mr.  Randolph  commanding  a  servant  to  inform  you 
that  the  committee  of  inquiry  appointed  by  the  people  was 
approaching,  and  to  invite  you  to  meet  it  in  the  porch. 

GOVERNOR. — I  am  coining.  But — daughter,  one  word 
before  I  go. 

HENRIETTA. — What  is  your  pleasure,  sir  ? 

GOVERNOR. — I  am  not  so  much  absorbed  by  the  affairs  of 
the  State  but  what  I  have  been  able  to  discover  that  which  is 
going  on  in  my  own  household.  I  have  ascertained  that  a 
young  man  who,  in  many  respects,  is  too  much  your  inferior 
to  think  of  you  for  his  companion,  and  whose  family  could 
not  associate  with  mine  on  a  footing  of  equality,  has  the  pre 
sumption  to  love  you.  The  consequence  is,  that  I  have  dis 
missed  him  from  my  house.  I  have  been  informed,  however, 
that  yesterday  he  rendered  you  one  of  those  trifling  services 
which  every  man  owes  to  every  woman,  and  which  the  high- 
flown  imagination  of  sensitive  and  romantic  young  girls  are 
too  apt  to  convert  into  the  heroic  deed  of  a  knight-errant.  I 
know  that,  in  consequence  of  that  accident,  this  young  man 
accompanied  you  home.  Did  he  ever  dare  to  speak  his 
sentiments  to  you? 

HENRIETTA. — Only  yesterday,  father. 

GOVERNOR. — Ha !  then  let  it  be  for  the  first  and  last  time. 

HENRIETTA. — I  told  him  so,  father.  I  told  him  that  I  never 
would  marry  without  your  consent,  and  the  reason  why. 

GOVERNOR. — This  might  have  been  omitted,  but  if  he  be 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  93 

for  ever  dismissed,  well  and  good.  You  know  that  when  I 
once  take  a  resolution,  I  am  inflexible. 

HENRIETTA. — [  With  deep  emotion.] — I  will  keep  the  oath 
I  took  at  the  request  of  my  sainted  mother. 

GOVERNOR, — [Moved.] — No  more  on  this  painful  subject. 
I  know  my  daughter  will  always  be  worthy  of  her  that  is 
gone  and  of  me.  [Pressing  warmly  her  hand  and  kissing 
her  forehead.]  Believe  me,  child,  those  foolish  wishes  of  the 
heart,  or  rather  caprices  of  the  imagination,  cherished  by 
young  maidens  on  entering  the  world,  soon  wear  out  under 
the  rough  touch  of  experience,  and  those  dutiful  daughters 
who  allow  themselves  to  be  guided  by  their  parents  never 
have  cause  to  repent.  \Exit.~\ 


SCENE  IX. 

HENRIETTA. — (ylZone.] — He  is  gone,  and  I  may  at  last  give 
vent  to  my  grief.  Poor  Mortimer !  I  forget  him  !  Is  that 
to  be  the  reward  of  so  much  true  and  respectful  love — of 
such  delicacy  of  feeling — of  so  much  devotion — and  of  the 
long  and  heart-breaking  silence  to  which  he  had  condemned 
himself?  Forget  him !  and  for  whom  1  What  a  halo 
gathers  round  his  brow,  when  compared  with  his  rival ! 
And  yet,  soon  I  must  no  longer  think  of  him.  But  the  days 
which  precede  my  marriage  with  Mr.  Lovedale  are  mine  at 
least.  I  have  not  yet  given  myself  away.  I  am  still  free — 
and  since  I  am  no  longer  permitted  to  see  one  so  pure,  so 
noble,  so  exalted,  I'll  think  of  him.  [  With  an  exclamation 
of  surprise.]  Ha !  is  it  possible  ? 


94  THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS. 


SCENE  X. 

[Enter  MORTIMER.] 

MORTIMER. — [Hurriedly ^\ — -They  are  all  in  the  front  part 
of  the  house.  I  came  in,  unperceived,  by  the  door  opening 
on  the  back  street. 

HENRIETTA. — You  amaze  me,  Mr.  Mortimer  !  What 
brings  you  here  1 

MORTIMER. — The  imperious  desire  of  removing  from  your 
mind  the  remotest  suspicion  that  I  countenanced,  in  the 
slightest  degree,  this  movement  against  your  father — much 
as  I  have  to  complain  of  him  ;  and  shall  I  be  permitted  to 
say,  that  I  came  not  altogether  without  the  hope  of  being 
able  again  to  protect  you,  if  necessary,  against  the  excite 
ment  of  the  people. 

HENRIETTA. — However  liberal  the  allowance  I  am  disposed 
to  make  for  these  feelings,  and  however  flattering  and  kind 
to  me  they  may  be,  I  must  say  that  your  presence  here  is 
highly  imprudent,  and  I  beg  you  to  withdraw  without  loss 
of  time.  I  tremble  less  .  .  . 

MORTIMER. — Don't  be  alarmed.  I  could  not  resist  the 
temptation  to  come  in.  But  I  retire  .  .  .  and  will  watch  in 
the  street  until  this  excitement  is  over.  But  say,  Miss  Hen 
rietta — oh !  say,  is  there  no  possibility  of  breaking  off,  or  at 
least  retarding,  your  marriage  with  Mr.  Lovedale  1  There  is 
nothing  that  I  would  not  resort  to  in  the  hope  of  success. 
Is  there,  indeed,  no  means  .... 

HENRIETTA. — [  With  dejectionj] — I  see  none — I  am  power 
less — I  have  already  explained  to  you  the  position  in  which 
I  am. 

MORTIMER. — Is  there  any  body  to  whom  I  could  apply, 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  95 

who  could  exercise  some  influence  over  the  Governor.  1 
would  throw  myself  at  his  feet  ...  I  would 

HENRIETTA. — I  know  of  none — except  .  .  .  [she  hesitates] 
he — perhaps — could  .  .  . 

MORTIMER. — [Eagerly.] — Who  ? 

HENRIETTA. — Mr.  Randolph. 

MORTIMER. — Mr.  Randolph  1 

HENRIETTA. — Yes,  he  is  not  what  he  appears  to  be.  I  have 
studied  him,  and  I  alone  know  him.  That  extraordinary 
man,  when  he  chooses,  exercises,  silently,  secretly,  and  im 
perceptibly,  a  wonderful  influence  over  all  those  who  ap 
proach  him.  That  cold  and  polished  exterior  he  shows  to 
the  world  conceals  one  of  those  proud  and  choice  spirits, 
whose  nature  very  few  understand,  and  whose  existence  is 
but  too  often  a  secret  agony. 

MORTIMER. — You  astonish  me,  indeed  ! 

HENRIETTA. — All  those  who  surround  my  father  have  some 
selfish  views  of  their  own  to  serve.  They  have  no  heart — 
Mr.  Randolph  has — and  a  noble  one.  He  might  help  us 
from  sympathy — for  he  is  unhappy  too. 

MORTIMER.  —  [  Whose  astonishment  increases.]  — What  ! 
That  ever  smiling,  sarcastic,  but,  withal,  good-natured,  easy 
gentleman,  who  seems  to  be  favored  with  all  the  blessings 
of  heaven — he  !  unhappy  ! 

HENRIETTA. — Yes.  This  is  not  the  time  nor  the  place  to 
communicate  to  you  all  my  observations.  But,  [speaking 
hurriedly]  some  time  ago,  Mr.  Randolph  came  and  spent  a 
few  days  at  my  father's  plantation.  His  apartment  happened 
to  be  above  mine.  He  used  to  sit  up  very  late,  conversing 
with  my  father.  Not  knowing,  probably,  that  my  room 
was  under  his,  he  took  no  precaution,  I  suppose,  when  he 
withdrew  to  rest,  and  he  used  to  wake  me  up.  To  my  aston 
ishment,  he  hardly  slept  at  all,  for  I  heard  him  pacing  his 
room  with  the  irregular,  abrupt  step  of  one  laboring  under 
some  strong  emotion.  This  continued  almost  every  night  of 


96  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

his  short  stay  with  us.  Every  morning,  I  could  not  but 
wonder  tit  the  serene  expression  of  his  face  when  taking  his 
seat  at  the  breakfast-table,  and  at  his  quiet  answer,  "  that  he 
had  slept  too  much,"  when  my  father  inquired  how  he  had 
spent  the  night.  I  began  to  look  at  him  with  a  strong  feel 
ing  of  curiosity,  not  unmixed  with  awe,  so  impressed  was  I 
with  the  strangeness  of  what  I  saw.  One  morning,  I  had 
risen  at  the  dawn  of  day,  to  search  after  one  of  my  favorite 
doves  who  had  escaped  from  her  cage  the  previous  evening, 
when,  on  turning  round  the  great  hawthorn  hedge.  I  sud 
denly  came  upon  Mr.  Randolph,  who  was  leaning  thus  [she 
makes  the  sign  of  resting  her  head  on  the  palm  of  her  hand]  on 
the  pedestal  of  the  statue  of  Pomona,  which  is  in  the  orange- 
grove  at  the  further  end  of  the  garden.  I  was  so  struck  with 
the  expression  of  his  face,  that.  I  shrank  back  behind  the 
hedge  to  avoid  being  seen  by  him.  Will  you  believe  it,  Mr. 
Mortimer  1  that  face  was  bathed  in  tears.  I  felt  rooted  to 
the  ground,  with  my  eyes  riveted  on  him.  At  that  moment, 
the  noise  of  approaching  steps  was  heard.  It  was  my 
father  coming.  Mr.  Randolph  lifted  up  his  head,  which 
seemed  to  have  bent  down  under  the  weight  of  some  secret 
sorrow — he  hastily  passed  his  handkerchief  over  his  face,  and 
the  change  was  so  instantaneous,  that,  at  the  exhibition  of 
such  a  mastership  of  the  mind  over  the  body,  I  felt  like  a 
thrill  of  admiration,  running  through  my  veins.  With  the 
rapidity  of  lightning,  his  peculiar  smile — half  good-humored, 
half  sarcastic,  appeared  on  his  lips ;  his  large  blue  eyes  had 
assumed  their  cheerful,  philosophical  indifference,  and  he 
greeted  my  father  with  a  tone  as  blithe  as  that  of  the  lark. 
Who  would  have  thought  that  he  had  been  sobbing  a  minute 
before  1  The  effect  was  so  startling  and  so  shook  my  nerves, 
that  I  ran  to  my  room  ....  and  wept. 

MORTIMER. — This  almost  passes  belief,  Miss  Henrietta. 

HENRIETTA. — It  is  but  too  true.  I  observed  him  since, 
with  more  attention  than  I  had  done  before ;  and  signs,  in- 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  97 

visible  to  others,  but  clear  to  me,  confirmed  me  in  the  con 
viction  that  the  deep  bottom  of  the  ocean  may  be  convulsed 
with  some  of  Nature's  throes,  whilst  its  surface  smiles  under 
the  gentle  fanning  of  genial  winds. 

MORTIMER. — It  is  astonishing  that  I  have  never  discovered 
aught  that  .... 

HENRIETTA. — Now  that  you  are  warned,  observe  him  more 
closely.  The  inward  man  in  him  is  betrayed  by  indications 
of  which  he  himself  is  not  aware.  At  times,  when  he  thinks 
he  is  not  noticed,  I  have  seen  the  shadow  of  dark  clouds  pass 
over  his  brow.  Nay,  in  his  gayest  moods  he  will  gradually 
become  abstracted,  and,  as  the  fit  grows  upon  him,  the  sono 
rous  and  deep  sounds  of  the  voice  of  manhood  sink  into  the 
hoarse  and  husky  intonations  of  one  broken  by  age  or  sor 
row.  It  is  but  seldom  that  this  happens,  and  it  hardly  lasts 
time  enough  to  be  observed  by  the  indifferent. 

MORTIMER. — Is  he  unhappy,  indeed  !  Unhappy  like  us ! 
Well !  I  already  felt  for  him  gratitude,  respect,  admiration. 
Now  I  shall  love  him. 

HENRIETTA. — One  day,  at  a  ball  given  at  my  father's 
house,  he  stood  up  in  the  crowd,  so  lost  in  "  listless  forget- 
fulness,"  that,  passing  by  him,  I  ventured  to  touch  slightly 
his  shoulder  with  my  forefinger,  saying  to  him  playfully: 
what  are  you  thinking  of,  conspirator  1  These  simple  words 
made  him  start  as  if  he  had  been  stung  to  the  quick,  and  he 
looked  displeased,  I  thought.  Ever  since,  he,  at  times, 
glances  at  me  with  an  uneasy  expression  of  the  eye,  as  if  he 
suspected  my  having  fathomed  the  real  state  of  his  heart 
more  than  others.  But  that  heart,  I  am  sure,  is  a  kind  heart 
— an  aching  heart — and  therefore  a  sympathizing  one.  If 
there  be  a  human  being  capable  of  helping  us,  it  must  be  he. 
Such  men,  having  so  much  command  over  themselves,  have 
still  more  power  over  others,  when  they  choose  to  exert  it. 
Make  him  your  friend. 

MORTIMER. — \_Eayerly '.] — I  will — I  will — but  who  comes  ? 
5 


98  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

HENRIETTA. — [Alarmed.] — Pray,  begone.  You  have  staid 
too  long. 

MORTIMER. — [Running  to  the  door  at  the  bottom  of  the 
stage.~\ — Good  God  !  The  yard  is  full  of  people.  [Hastens 
to  one  of  the  side  doors.]  Heavens  !  this  corridor  is  also 
blocked  up.  [Presenting  himself  to  the  door  opposite.]  Bless 
me  !  here  is  the  Governor  coming  this  way  with  a  crowd  ! 
What  shall  I  do?  [Looking  round  with  bewilderment,  he 
opens  a  door  Leading  into  the  inner  apartments.]  Ah !  there  ! 
[Bolts  into  the  room] 

HENRIETTA. — Mercy  !     It  is  my  apartment. 


SCENE  XI. 

HENRIETTA,     GOVERNOR,     LOVEDALE,     RANDOLPH,      SEVERAL      FE 
MALES  OF  THE  GOVERNOR'S  FAMILY,  HIS  YOUNG  GIRLS  AND 

THEIR      GOVERNESS,     WAGTAIL,      TURNCOAT,     TRIMSAIL,     JOHN, 
MEMBERS  OF  THE  COMMITTEE  OF  INQUIRY,  AND    OTHERS. 

GOVERNOR. — [To  the  members  of  the  committee] — Gentle 
men,  I  have  shown  you  the  whole  house.  This  parlor,  and 
my  eldest  daughter's  apartment,  are  the  only  parts  remaining 
to  be  visited. 

TRIMSAIL. — I  suppose,  Governor,  that  those  gentlemen 
must  be  satisfied,  and  will  not  require  any  further  search. 

JOHN. — [  With  some  embarrassment] — Certainly — certainly 
not.  Al/hough  the  resolutions  adopted  by  the  people,  in 
their  public  meeting  and  sovereign  capacity,  direct  us,  with 
the  Governor's  consent,  to  examine  .  .  . 

GOVERNOR. — [With  some  excitement] — Every  nook  and 
corner  of  my  house,  1  suppose.  Well !  it  shall  not  be  said 
that  you  have  not  done  so,  and  that  1  have  not  gratified  the 
people  to  the  full  extent  of  their  wishes. 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  99 

JOHN'. — [  With  increased  embarrassment.] — If  the  lady's 
room  is  the  only  one  remaining  unvisited  ...  of  course — it 
can't  be  expected  .... 

GOVERNOR. — By  heavens  ! — no  such  forbearance.  Fulfil 
your  mission  without  scruple.  You  must  go  into  that  room, 
which  is  the  last,  and  I  will  open  the  door  myself.  [Suiting 
the  action  to  the  word^  lie  opens  the  door  violently.  Mortimer 
comes  out  amidst  the  exclamations  of  surprise  uttered  by  all.] 

HENRIETTA. — I  shall  die  from  confusion  and  shame. 

JOHN. — Why — had  the  young  man  been  kidnapped  too  ? 

MORTIMER. — [To  John] — Silence,  John.  [To  the  rest  of 
the  company]  Nothing  is  more  easy  to  be  accounted  for 
than  rny  presence  here.  Maddened  by  my  father's  disap 
pearance,  and  anxious  to  ascertain  at  whose  door  the  guilt,  if 
there  was  any,  was  to  be  laid,  I  determined,  under  the  excite 
ment  of  the  moment,  [casting  a  furtive  and  meaning  glance 
at  Henrietta]  to  penetrate  secretly  into  this  house  ....  in 
the  hope  ....  that  I  might  overhear  some  conversation  from 
which  I  might  derive  some  light  as  to  what  has  happened  to 
my  father.  I  had  advanced  as  far  as  this  room,  when  hearing 
coming  steps  from  every  direction,  and  seeing  my  retreat  cut 
off,  I  threw  myself  into  this  apartment,  where  I  had  not  been 
long  before  the  present  exposure  took  place. 

GOVERNOR. — [Angrily] — So,  sir  .  .  not  only  have  you  in 
sulted  me  by  this  open  confession  of  yours,  in  which  you  de 
clare  your  belief  in  the  odious  accusation  brought  against  me, 
but  you  have  also  disgraced  yourself  by  admitting  that  you 
played  the  eavesdropper. 

LOVEDALE. — [To  the  Governor] — I  claim  it  as  my  right, 
sir,  as  I  shall  soon  be  entitled  to  call  myself  your  son,  to  re 
sist  this  impertinent  intrusion,  and  to  chastise  this  base  viola 
tion  of  all  the  proprieties  of  life.  [Moftimer  strides  menacing 
ly  towards  Lovedale] 

RANDOLPH. — [Stepping  forward,  as  if  to  interpose  between 
the  tivo,  says  :] — Be  calm,  my  young  friend. 


100  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

MORTIMER. — I  hope,  Mr.  Randolph,  you  don't  think  me 
capable  of  any  act  of  violence  here.  Bat  rest  assured,  that  I 
am  grateful  for  your  well  meant  advice  and  your  kind  notice 
of  me  on  this  painful  occasion.  You  see  ....  I  am  calm 

and  I  have  only  to  say  to  this  person,  [pointing  to 

Lovedale,]  that  I  arn  overjoyed  at  the  opportunity  he  affords 
me,  of  having  soon  with  him  an  interview,  from  which  I  ex 
pect  much  gratification.  [He  bows  to  the  company,  and  exit 
with  dignity.  At  the  same  time,  Henrietta,  much  agitated,  re- 
tires  into  her  apartment^ 


SCENE  XII. 

WAGTAIL. — Now,  gentlemen,  it  becomes  my  turn  to  inter 
fere  in  this  affair.  I  have  permitted  it  to  run  its  course 
thus  far,  because  I  wanted  to  give  full  scope  to  the  malice  of 
the  Governor's  enemies,  in  order  that  it  should  manifest  itself 
to  all — so  as  no  longer  to  be  questioned, — and  make  the 
vindication  of  the  Governor's  innocence  more  striking  and 
impressive.  Now  .  .  .  You  shall  know  all.  You  have,  no 
doubt,  every  one  of  you,  visited  and  admired  old  Becken- 
dorf's  beer  and  wine  cellar. 

RANDOLPH. — jylsicfc.] — What  is  he  coming  to  1 

TRIMSAIL. — [Aside.] — Is  the  fellow  mad  !  And  is  he  going 
to  make  a  clear  confession  ! 

WAGTAIL. — Well,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  in  that  cellar  Beck- 
endorf  is  locked  up.  [Exclamations  from  all :  ho  !  ho  !  ] 
But  by  whom  was  he  locked  up  ? 

ALL. — Ay  !  Ay  !     That  is  the  question. 

WAGTAIL. — Will  you-believe  it,  ladies  and  gentlemen?  It 
was  done  by  his  own  wife — the  bone  of  his  bone — flesh  of  his 
flesh — yes — the  wife  of  his  bosom  ! — altogether  a  family 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITIC3.         ,  101 

affair,  as  you  see ;  and,  of  course,  nobody  is '  to'  "be"   blamed. 

RANDOLPH. — [.^sicfe.] — This  is  rich  ! 

JOHN. —  [Aside] — It  is  getting  complicated. 

WAGTAIL. — I  have  it  from  two  men,  whose  names  I  am  not 
at  liberty  to  mention — who  saw  her  turn  the  keys  on  the  old 
man,  when  he  went  into  the  cellar  to  get  wine  for  the  great 
dinner  to  which  he  had  invited  the  members  of  the  proces 
sion  committee  and  others  of  Gammon's  friends. 

A  MEMBER  OF  COMMITTEE. — Where  is  the  proof  of  this  ex 
traordinary  assertion  1 

WAGTAIL. — [  With  a  nod  of  assent,  and  with  a  smile  of  self- 
complacency^ — The  proofs  will  be  conclusive.  First — old 
Beck  endorf  will  be  found  in  the  cellar;  and  the  keys  of  the 
cellar  in  the  reticule  of  the  old  lady.  [Aside.]  Faith !  It 
cost  me  one  hundred  dollars  to  persuade  a  fellow  to  creep 
into  her  house  and  lodge  the  keys  where  they  are  now. 

JOHN. — But  what  could  be  the  old  lady's  object  ? 

WAGTAIL. — Go  and  ask  her.  But  my  inference  is,  that  she 
was  opposed  to  her  husband's  heading  the  procession.  Her 
rabid  hatred  for  politics  and  politicians  is  well  known,  and  I 
suppose  she  has  gratified  her  spleen  by  keeping  the  old  man 
at  home,  when  he  most  wanted  to  be  abroad.  [  With  a  sneer.] 
That  is  the  fashion,  probably,  with  German  wives. 

TRIMSAIL. — [  With  an  affected  solemnity  of  expression.]  This 
has  every  appearance  of  probability,  and  the  truth  of  it  can 
be  easily  verified.  [^IszWe.]  I  could  kiss  the  fellow  for  his 
genius. 

LOVEDALE. — [  With  an  air  of  candor.] — It  is  plain  enough  ; 
it  must  be  so.  [^seofc.]  I  had  no  idea  of  Wagtail's  calibre. 
His  services  are  worth  having.  I'll  put  him  down  in  my 
memorandum-book. 

RANDOLPH. — Well  !  the  mystery  being  thus  explained,  let 
us  proceed  to  Beckendorf 's  house  and  set  him  free,  [vls/cfo.] 
These  fellows  are  acute  rogues,  and,  if  not  watched  with 
great  care,  might  succeed  in  the  end.  [He  takes  hold  of 


-'THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

' Teach   him    to  a  corner  of  the  stage,  whilst   the 
Governor  is  saying :] 

GOVERNOR. — Come  on,  gentlemen.  I  will  proceed  myself 
to  Mr.  Beckendorf's  house,  and  I  hope  that,  there,  you  will, 
some  of  you,  at  least,  apologize  to  me  for  your  unworthy 
suspicions.  [Exeunt.] 


SCENE  XIII. 

RANDOLPH. — [To  John] — Tell  Mr.  Mortimer  that  I  offer 
him  my  services  as  his  second  in  the  duel  in  which  he  is 
engaged. 

JOHN. — [Frightened] — A  duel !  Do  you  think  they  will 
fight! 

RANDOLPH. — Bound  to  do  so.     It  can't  be  helped. 

JOHN. — The  deuce  it  can't  be  helped  !  But  duelling  is  sin 
ful,  sir. 

RANDOLPH. — True.  But  it  cannot  be  prevented  .  .  .  unless 
timely  information  be  given  on  affidavit  to  a  magistrate  .  .  . 
a  thing,  however,  which  we  never  do  in  the  South. 

JOHN. — [Eagerly] —  We  do  it  at  the  North  though.  I  am 
a  Connecticut  man,  sir,  and  I'll  behave  like  a  Christian. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  affected  indifference] — As  you  please 
.  .  .  But  the  sun  is  just  dropping  beyond  yonder  trees,  and 
you  will  hardly  have  time,  before  it  is  altogether  set,  to  find 
out  a  magistrate  .  .  .  unless — by  the  by — you  apply  to  old 
Crab  tree,  the  gouty  and  fat  justice  of  the  peace  at  the  next 
corner.  Still — it  is  entirely  repugnant  to  our  Southern 
usages — and  if  you  dare  interfere  in  this  matter  .... 

JOHN. — [Snapping  his  fingers] — I  dare  be  a  Christian,  and 
prevent  murder.  [Runs  out] 


THE   SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  103 


SCENE  XIV. 

RANDOLPH. — [Alone.]— It  won't  take  long  to  have  them 
arrested.  [Smiling.']  Old  Crab  tree  can  be  easily  persuaded 
not  to  take  bail  after  night  comes.  I'll  look  to  that.  Thus 
all  will  be  safe  in  the  caucus  at  eight  o'clock  this  evening. 
Two  of  Gammon's  friends,  Trirnsail  and  his  nameless  asso 
ciate  in  treachery,  go  over  to  the  Governor's  side,  it  is  true. 
But  Lovedale's  arrest  will  reduce  the  two  votes  gained  since 
this  morning  to  one — and  old  Beckendorf 's  reappearance  will 
make  it  a  tie.  So — so — let  the  caucus  meet.  There  will  be 
no  choice  to-night — and — to-morrow — to-morrow — well !  suf 
ficient  for  to-day  is  the  evil  thereof.  Let  us  leave  to-morrow 
to  shift  for  itself — and  trust  to  Providence. 


SCENE  I. 


GAMMON. — [vlfo??e.] — Randolph  is  out,  but  will  soon  be  in, 
his  servant  says.  I  am  bursting  with  vexation.  Yesterday, 
at  noon,  I  thought  that  I  was  sure  of  the  majority  in  the 
caucus,  and  yet  there  was  a  tie  occasioned  by  Beckendorf  s 
unaccountable  disappearance.  Beckendorf,  thanks  to  the 
mob  I  raised,  reappears  in  time  to  be  at  the  evening  caucus  j 
and,  as  luck  would  have  it,  Lovedale,  being  arrested  on  ac 
count  of  his  quarrel  with  Mortimer,  is  prevented  from  at 
tending  the  caucus — which  circumstance  ought  to  have  secured 
me,  last  evening,  a  majority  of  two — and,  nevertheless,  there 
is  again  a  tie '  Something  which  is  inexplicable  must  be 
going  on.  One  would  think  that  old  Satan  himself  is  at 
work.  Evidently  I  must  have  been  betrayed.  Yes — there 
was  desertion  in  my  ranks.  But  who  were  the  traitors'?  If 
Randolph  would  only  speak  !  .  .  .  The  well-defined  neutrality 
of  his  position,  and  the  knowledge  every  one  has  of  his  dis 
cretion  and  of  his  complete  lack  of  ambition,  are  circum 
stances  which  make  him  acquainted  with  many  secrets.  No 
body  distrusts  him.  Would  that  he  be  willing  to  give  me 
some  information  on  this  letter  addressed  to  me  by  an  un 
known  hand !  I  must  read  it  again.  Thus  it  reads  :  "  My 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  105 

friendship  for  you  and  my  aversion  for  treachery  impel  me 
to  inform  you  that  Trimsail  with  one  of  his  adherents  voted 
last  night  for  the  Governor  under  the  implied  promise  of  his 
having  the  vacant  judgeship  which  is  in  the  gift  of  His  Excel 
lency.  This  would  have  defeated  you,  if  Lovedale  had  not 
been  arrested  before  his  going  to  the  caucus,  and  if  bail  had 
not  been  refused  by  old  Crabtree  until  this  morning." — No 
signature. — Can  this  be  true  1  I  cannot  believe  it.  Trimsail 
is  too  much  in  my  power — he  would  not  dare  to  play  false. 
Faith  !  Despite  of  my  boasted  experience,  I  begin  to  be  be 
wildered.  I  never  saw  before  such  marches  and  counter 
marches  of  treachery.  Why — the  country  is  spoiled — an 
honest  man  will  have  to  give  it  up.  I'll  go  to  California. 
But  who  comes  ? 


SCENE  II. 

BECKENDORF. — [^Entering  ivith  Gertrude^] — Ah!  Is  that 
you — Mr.  Gammon ! 

GAMMON. — Yes— and  glad  to  see  you.  But  what  brings 
you  here  with  your  better  half? 

BECKENDORF. — We  come  to  thank  Mr.  Randolph  for  the 
interest  he  exhibited  on  behalf  of  our  son  in  his  recent  quarrel 
with  that  popinjay — Lovedale.  He  was  the  first,  this  morn 
ing,  to  wait  on  that  blockhead — old  Crabtree,  and  to  give  bail 
for  Mortimer,  and  John  told  us  that  Mr.  Randolph  had  also 
tendered  his  services  as  second  to  Mortimer,  should  powder 
and  ball  have  been  resorted  to.  My  heart  is  filled  with  grati 
tude — I  am  bound  to  him  for  life. 

GERTRUDE. — And  the  more  so,  that  he  does  not  expect 

any  thing  in  return,  for  he  wants  nothing  and  is  no  politician. 

GAMMON. — Well !    Well !  Mrs.  Beckendorf— your  aversion 

to  politics  nearly  ruined  me  yesterday  ;  for  if  you  had  not 


106  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

kept  your  loving  spouse  at  home  by  ....  [making  the  sign 
of  locking  with  a  key]  ho  would  have  attended  the  caucus, 
and  I  should  be  now  as  good  us  a  United  States  Senator. 

GERTRUDE. — [Angrily.] — Sir,  you  do  not  suppose  that  I 
took  such  liberties  with  my  husband,  do  you  1  I  scold  him, 
it  is  true — and  brush  him  up  sometimes  for  his  own  good — 
Jmt  I  do  not  forget  that  he  is  after_alLtp  be  the  lord  and 
master — and  if  he  chooses  to  go  his  own  way,  after  1  have 
remonstrated — why — that  is  his  look  out — the  consequences 
be  on  his  own  head  ! — and  let  me  tell  you — if  his  head  was 
not  turned  by  such  as  you,  Mr.  Gammon 

BECKENDORF. — Wife  !  Wife  !  That  is  going  too  far,  and 
if  .  .  . 

GAMMON. — Poh  !  Let  the  honest  woman  speak  her  mind. 
[To  Gertrude,  in  a  bantering  tone.]  But,  madam,  if  not  you, 
who  could  have  locked  up  your  husband  in  his  own  cellar  1 

GERTRUDE. — [Impetuously.] — -Some  politician,  to  be  sure. 

GAMMON. — But  how  came  the  keys  of  the  cellar  to  be 
found  in  your  own  bag  1 

GERTRUDE. —  [  With  vehemence.] — By  some  politician's  trick 
— no  doubt.  They  can  do  worse  things  than  that. 

GAMMON. — You  must  at  least  feel  satisfied  that  it  was  done 
by  some  of  the  Governor's  friends,  since  he  was  benefited 
by  it.  It  must  convince  you  that  I  am  opposing  deceit,  cun 
ning,  and  corruption,  and  ought  to  interest  you  in  my  favor. 
[To  Beckendorf.]  But,  my  friend,  if  your  son  has  been  set 
free,  Lovedale  has  had  the  same  privilege,  and  therefore,  at 
the  caucus  this  evening,  the  Governor  will  have  a  majority 
of  one  vote,  since  we  had  yesterday  a  tie,  which  was  due  to 
Lovedale's  absence.  Two  more  votes  on  my  side  would 
elect  me,  if  they  could  be  got.  Perhaps  they  could  be  sub 
tracted  from  the  Governor's  ranks,  or  from  Tagrag's  faithful 
guard  of  fifteen — eh  1 — the  plot  thickens — and  we  must  lose 
no  time. 

BECKENDORF. — What  is  to  be  done  1    What  is  to  be  done  ? 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  10t 

GAMMON. — I  am  ready  now,  as  the  emergency  is  pressing 
and  requires  it,  to  use  the  strongest  means  of  persuasion. 
[  With  a  smile,  and  tapping  Beckendorf  on  the  shoulder.']  As 
a  good  general,  I  have,  of  course,  my  reserve,  which  is  to  be 
brought  into  action  at  the  critical  moment.  This  shall  be 
done  to-day.  All  that  I  want  is  a  faithful  and  intelligent  aid, 
to  whom'  I  may  confide  my  plans  of  operation,  and  surely  I 
can  place  my  confidence  no  where  more  safely  than  in  one 
whom  the  President  is  to  intrust  with  the  interests  of  the 
nation  abroad,  by  investing  him  with  a  diplomatic  mission, 
and  in  fact,  what  I  want  you  to  do  for  me  is  in  the  diplomatic 
line. 

BECKENDORF. — [Pompously."] — If  it  be  any  thing  diplo 
matic — of  course  I  am  the  man  for  it.  As  you  say,  it  is  in 
my  line. 

GAMMON. — Certainly.  [In  the  mean  time,  Gertrude,  who 
had  moved  away  to  a  certain  distance,  approaches  the  two 
actors,  and  listens  attentively  whilst  Gammon  continues  with 
emphasis :]  You  know,  my  friend,  that  a  great  statesman, 
Sir  Robert  Walpole,  said  :  "  that  every  man  has  his  price." 

BECKENDORF. — No.  I  did  not  know  him  nor  his  sentiment. 
But  I  think  that  he  went  rather  too  far.  I  don't  think  that 
any  body  can  buy  me. 

GERTRUDE. — [  With  impatience.'] — And  I  say  that  he  was  a 
very  great  rogue,  if  he  expressed  any  such  sentiment. 

GAMMON. — [Sententiously.~] — He  was  a  great  minister,  and 
honored  as  such  in  history. 

BECKENDORF. — [Hastily  stopping  his  wife  who  is  going  to 
reply.] — Hush!  wife,  hush!  if  I  had  known  that,  I  would  not 
have  taken  you  along  with  me.  Don't  meddle  with  what 
concerns  you  not.  This  is  a  diplomatic  and  not  a  domestic 
affair.  [She  shrugs  her  shoulders,  and  moves  of— but  within 
hearing  distance.] 

GAMMON. — Yes,  this  is  diplomacy,  as  you  say,  and  I  am 
glad  to  offer  you  this  opportunity  of  trying  your  hand  in  that 


108  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

line  before  you  are  sent  to  Germany.  Direct  bribery  is  a 
thing  I  abhor,  and  which  no  honest  man  ought  to  countenance, 
although  people  give  me  no  credit  for  such  feelings  on  my 
part,  and  believe  exaggerated  reports  on  me,  which  are  circu 
lated  by  my  enemies.  I  would  scorn  going  up  to  a  man,  who 
represents  the  majesty  and  purity  of  the  people,  and  say  to 
him,  "  I  want  to  buy  your  vote — how  much  do  you  want 
for  it  ?"  That  would  be  bribery,  evidently.  But  there  arc 
certain  ways  of  doing  things  which  keep  the  conscience  of  all 
parties  at  ease — for  instance :  I  have  a  large  sum  of  money 
in  bank  here.  Well !  I  have  no  use  for  it.  Why  should  it 
not  be  applied  to  help  such  of  my  fellow-citizens  as  may  be 
in  distressed  circumstances  !  Let  us  suppose  a  case  :  thus,  I 
dare  say  .  .  that,  among  Tagrag's  supporters,  or  the  Governor's 
friends,  there  may  be  some  who,  being  pinched,  or  in  stinted 
circumstances,  may  be  disposed  to  sell  a  negro,  or  some 
other  property,  or  one  who  has  a  promissory  note  to  pay,  poor 
devil !  Well !  if  a  very  handsome  price  is  paid  for  the 
property,  whatever  it  be,  it  is  one  way  of  giving  relief  with 
out  giving  offence,  or  deserving  censure.  The  purchaser 
exercises  his  judgment  as  he  pleases — and  the  seller  may 
pocket  his  money  without  scruple.  As  to  a  promissory 
note — suppose  it  be  paid  out  of  pure  friendship,  without 
even  the  drawer's  knowledge — why,  what  objection  can  he,  or 
anybody  else,  have  to  such  a  manifestation  of  liberality  or 
benevolence  1  All  that  is  expected  in  return  is  ....  a  little 
gratitude.  Where  is  the  harm  ?  Is  that  bribery  1 

BECKENDORF. — \_Pompously .] — No,  it  is  diplomacy. 

GAMMON. — As  you  say — it  is  diplomacy,  Mr.  Minister 
Plenipotentiary,  and  nothing  else.  This  is  what  I  call  taking 
a  practical  view  of  the  subject.  None  get  along  in  this  world 
except  practical  men.  [Punching  Beckendorf  in  the  side,  and 
laughingly :]  Do  you  understand  it  1  ha !  ha !  Do  you 
see  your  way  clearly  1  ha !  ha  !  It  requires  a  good  deal  of 
discreet,  shrewd,  and  delicate  management — it  is  a  very 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  109 

pretty  piece  of  business  when  neatly  done — and  is  sure  to 
succeed. 

BECKENDORF. — [Laughing .] — Capital !  capital !  It  puts 
me  in  mind  of  old  Metternich.  I  understand  it  all.  It  shall 
be  done. 

GERTRUDE. — \_Coming  up  to  them,  says  indignantly  :] — And 
/  understand  it  too,  and  it  shall  not  be  done,  as  I  am  an 
honest  woman — Metternich  or  no  Metternich.  I  will  sooner 
proclaim  it  to  the  whole  world — and  .  .  . 

BECKENDORF. — [Angrily.] — Mrs.  Beckendorf ! — this  is  in 
tolerable.  You  forget  yourself.  I  did  not  think  that  the 
time  would  ever  come  when  I  should  be  obliged  to  remind 
you  of  keeping  your  place — and  .... 

GAMMON. — [Interfering.] — Well !  Well !  I  see  that  Mrs. 
Beckendorf  misunderstands  me — but  I  will  rather  sacrifice  my 
own  interests  than  be  the  cause  of  a  quarrel  between  you. 
[  Winking  significantly  at  Beckendorf,  and  turning  round  to 
Gertrude,  he  says  :]  I  give  up,  madam — I  give  it  up.  Let 
us  speak  of  other  things — for  instance — of  your  son.  Do  you 
know  that  since  he  was  discovered  secreted  in  the  Governor's 
house,  and  since  his  quarrel  with  Lovedale,  it  is  currently  re 
ported  that  he  has  been  long  in  love  with  the  Governor's 
daughter — so  that  the  Governor  is  determined  to  bring  on 
her  wedding  with  Lovedale  sooner  than  he  intended — and 
it  is  understood  that  it  is  to  take  place  the  day  after  to 
morrow. 

GERTRUDE. — Gracious  God!  Then  our  son  will  die,  or 
leave  us  for  ever. 

GAMMON. — It  is  true  then  ? 

GERTRUDE. — It  is  but  too  true. 

GAMMON.— I  know  one  way  of  preventing  it. 

GERTRUDE. — [Eagerly] — What  is  it  ? 

GAMMON. — Defeat  the  Governor's  election,  and  secure  that 
of  a  friend,  who  will  procure  an  elevated  position  for  your 
husband,  or  your  son — and — depend  upon  it — the  distance 


110  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

which  separates  him  from  Miss  Henrietta  may  disappear  very 
suddenly. 

GERTRUDE. — Are  you  sure  of  that  1 

GAMMON. — Sure  ! — If  you  doubt  it — ask  Mr.  Randolph  in 
whom  you  have  so  much  confidence. 

GERTRUDE. — [  With  great  warmth.'] — Husband — you  must 
not  lose  a  minute.  Mr.  Gammon  is  right — we  must  save 
our  son — our  poor  son — and  defeat  the  Governor's  election 
by  all  means.  Set  to  work — set  to  work — quick  ! — quick  ! 

GAMMON. — [  With  a  self-complacent  smile  and  with  a  gentle 
wave  of  the  hand.] — I  am  glad  you  are  satisfied  at  last  that  I 
am  working  for  your  interest. 

GERTRUDE. — [Impetuously .] — There  is  nothing  which  I  will 
not  do  for  my  son.  [To  BecJcendorf.]  What  are  you  doing 
there,  standing  still  like  a  block  ?  Come  along — come  along 
— join  your  money  to  Mr.  Gammon's  money — give  half 
of  your  fortune,  if  necessary.  Don't  buy  two  or  three  only — 
it  might  not  be  enough — buy  them  all — they  are  all  for  sale, 
I  understand.  [Beckendorf  and  Gammon  exchange  signifi 
cant  g  lances. ~\ 

BECKENDORF. — Well — well — wife — not  so  fast — not  so  fast 
neither!  I  must  have  further  instructions  from  Mr.  Gam 
mon — and  .... 

GERTRUDE. — No — no — You  said  just  now  you  understood 
it  all.  To  work  then  ! — to  work  ! — Let  us  know  if  that  fatal 
marriage  is  to  be  prevented  and  our  son  saved. 

GAMMON. — I  rejoice  to  see  that  you  take  it  so  much  at 
heart — and  that  you  have  learned  to  be  a  politician. 

GERTRUDE. — [Angrily.] — I — a  politician  !  I  despise  all 
politicians — I  want  no  office.  I  scorn  your  Robert  Walpole 
as  you  call  him — who  says  every  man  has  his  price.  Cor 
ruption  is  a  filthy  thing.  Good  bye,  sir.  [She  drops  a 
courtesy  to  Gammon,  takes  her  husband's  arm,  and  dragging 
him  away,  says  :]  Come  along.  To  work  ! — to  work  ' — our 
poor  son  must  be  saved — buy  them — buy  them  all ! 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  Ill 

BECKENDORF. — [Turning  round  as  he  goes  outJ\ — Mr.  Gam 
mon,  we  shall  soon  return  to  report  progress,  if  you  wait  here 
half  an  hour  or  so. — [Exit  with  Gertrude.] 

GAMMON. — [ylfo/ie.] — What  a  funny  world  !  She  is  no  poli 
tician  ! — not  she  !  Oh  !  no  ! — and  she  scorns  corruption  ! 
Very  fine — indeed — exquisitely  fine! — /am  a  politician — I 
want  office — and  if  I  buy  a  few  votes  which  I  need,  just  as  I 
would  purchase  any  thing  else — /am  practising  corruption, 
forsooth  !  But  where  is  the  difference  between  me  and  that 
honest  woman  ?  To  accomplish  her  ends,  does  she  not  use 
the  same  means  I  resort  to  ?  Therefore,  if  there  is  any  logic 
in  this  world,  I  am  right  in  saying  that  the  only  difference 
between  her  and  myself  is  ...  that  she  wears  a  petticoat — 
and — I — breeches  ! — We  are  both  politicians  in  our  respect 
ive  spheres  .  .  .  manoeuvring  for  different  hobbies — that's  all. 
[Looking  towards  the  side  scenes.]  Oh!  oh!  but  what  is  the 
meaning  of  all  this  ?  Wonders  will  never  cease.  Here  are 
the  Governor,  Trimsail,  Lovedale,  and  the  Governor's  two 
toadies — WTagtail  and  Turncoat.  There  must  be  some  object 
in  this  parade  of  a  visit  and  in  the  assemblage  of  all  these 
worthies.  They  look  big  with  some  mighty  purpose. 


SCENE  III. 

[Enter  GOVERNOR,  TRIMSAIL,  LOVEDALE,  WAGTAIL,  and 
TURNCOAT.] 

GOVERNOR. — Oh !  Is  that  you,  Mr.  Gammon  ?  I  am 
happy  to  meet  you.  [ylsicfe.]  Damn  his  old  soul !  he  is 
always  in  the  way. 

GAMMON. — [Shaking  the  Governors  hand  heartily.']- — How 
are  you,  Governor  1  Glad  to  see  you  looking  so  well ! 
[Aside.]  I  wish  he  had  the  gout  in  his  stomach,  the  intrud- 


112  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

ing  fool!  [To  the  others.]  How  are  you,  gentlemen'?  How 
are  you  1  [They  bow  and  shake  hands  very  cordially] 

GOVERNOR. — Are  you  alone  here,  Mr.  Gammon  ?  Where 
is  our  mutual  friend,  Randolph  ? 

GAMMON. — Not  at  home — but  expected  every  minute. 

GOVERNOR. — Well !  Mr.  Gammon,  what  is  your  chance 
for  the  Senate  1 

GAMMON. — [  With  affected  indifference] — Very  poor — I  be 
lieve — very  poor — but  you  probably  know  better  than  /  do. 

GOVERNOR. — Faith  !  not  I.  But  say — Gammon — by  the 
by — let  us  fight  fair — eh  1  All  that  I  wish  is,  that  you  do 
not,  between  this  time  and  the  evening,  persuade  some  one 
of  my  friends  that  he  has  a  wife  and  children  all  dying  at 
home — if  you  please. 

GAMMON. — [  With  a  candid  look  of  innocence] — Oh  !  Gov 
ernor — how  can  you  believe  such  scandalous  reports  1  But 
— pray — -favor  for  favor — I  beg  you  in  return  not  to  lock  up 
any  of  my  friends  in  his  cellar — if  you  please. 

GOVERNOR. — I  know  you  are  jesting,  Gammon,  otherwise, 
I  should  feel  offended ; — but  say  .  .  .  remember,  for  old 
friendship's  sake,  not  to  mob  me  again — if  you  please. 

GAMMON. — [Sneeringly] — I  will  continue  to  protect  you, 
Governor,  as  I  did  last  night,  and  will  harangue  the  people  in 
your  favor,  whenever  they  get  excited  against  you — but  on 
one  condition — it  is — that  you  no  longer  keep  that  infernal 
judgeship  in  abeyance — if  you  please.  \The  Governor's 
brow  darkens] 

TRIMSAIL. — [Interfering  hastily] — Cease  this  keen  en 
counter  of  your  wits — there  is  no  foundation  for  such  un 
worthy  suspicions — and — luckily — here  is  our  friend  Ran 
dolph  coming. 

GAMMON. — Well !  gentlemen,  you  seem  to  have  come  here 
on  business  ....  I  leave  you. 

GOVERNOR. — By  no  means,  Gammon.  I  had  rather  have 
you  in  sight  than  out  of  sight.  It  is  safer  for  me.  Is  it  not  ? 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  113 

Besides,  I  wish  you  to  hear  what  we  have  to  say  to  Mr. 
Eandolph.  It  may  interest  you.  Pray — favor  us  with  your 
company.  [Gammon  comes 


SCENE  IT. 

[Enter  RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. — Ah  !  what  lucky  windfall  brings  you  all  here? 
I  did  not  expect  to  meet  so  much  good  company  at  home. 
Good  morning,  Governor — good  morning,  Mr.  Gammon — 
good  morning,  gentlemen.  Achilles  and  Hector  confronting 
one  another,  eh  1  But  this  is  neutral  territory,  you  know — 
no  light  here. 

TRIMSAIL. — They  have  already  been  flinging  some  sharp- 
edged  darts  at  one  another. 

RANDOLPH. — Ho  !  ho  !  and  on  which  side  are  the  gods  1  I 
mean  the  bystanders.  [Looking  meaningly  at  Trimsail  who 
hangs  down  his  head.~\  But  I  will  summon  some  spirits  from 
the  vast  deep  that  will  be  more  potent  than  mythological 
gods — to  keep  you  at  peace.  [Rings  the  bell — servant  ap 
pears.']  Bring  refreshments  here.  Gentlemen,  be  seated — 
and  take  your  "  ease  in  your  own  inn" — to  use  the  expres 
sions  of  jolly  Falstaff — that  lover  of  good  cheer,  and  hater 
of  trouble,  war,  and  politics,  like  myself,  except  he  was 
fatter.  [Servant  comes  in  with  refreshments.  They  Jill  up.~\ 

GOVERNOR. — Bumpers,  gentlemen.  I  am  going  to  propose 
a  toast.  I  hope  it  will  be  heartily  responded  to.  Here  it  is  : 
To  John  Washington  Randolph,  our  next  Governor.  [Ran 
dolph  smiles  in  his  peculiar  ioay.] 

GAMMON. — [Looks  astonished,  but  says  :] — With  all  my 
heart!  [^dsicfc.]  I  smell  a  rat.  What  is  the  old  stager 
about  1  Does  he  expect  to  win  Randolph's  blank  vote  by 
this  trick  1 


114  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

ALL. — [Touching  glasses."] — To  John  Washington  Ran- 
dolph,  our  next  Governor  ! 

EANDOLPH. — [Motioning  them  to  their  seats,  and  taking 
one.~\ — Gentlemen,  whence  this  unexpected  honor — to  which 
I  am  so  little  entitled,  and  which  therefore  takes  me  so  much 
by  surprise  ? 

GOVERNOR. — Knowing  your  modesty,  and  your  aversion  for 
politics,  we  settled  the  whole  of  it  without  your  knowledge. 
The  election  comes  on  in  six  months — it  is  necessary  to  pre 
pare  everything  for  it.  Upon  due  consideration  and  consul 
tation,  we  have  come  to  the  determination  that  you  are  the 
man  to  be  run,  if  you  only  give  us  free  authority  to  act  in 
your  name.  The  object  of  our  visit  is  to  commune  with 
you  on  the  subject,  and  to  ask  you  whether  you  will  for  once 
throw  off  your  apathy,  and  consent  at  last  to  be  useful  to  the 
State  and  to  your  friends. 

RANDOLPH. — Gentlemen,  I  am  grateful,  indeed,  for  this 
demonstration  in  my  behalf,  particularly  when  I  consider  the 
source  from  which  it  comes,  and  I  feel  so  much  honored  by  it 
that  I  am  almost  tempted  to  shake  off  what  the  Governor 
calls  my  apathy ;  but  before  I  part  with  what  I  cherish  so 
much,  I  wish  to  know  exactly  what  I  am  to  get  in  exchange. 
In  the  first  place,  if  I  consent  to  become  a  candidate,  tell  me 
what  is  expected  of  your  humble  servant,  and  what  is  the 
ordeal  I  am  to  pass  through.  You  will  excuse  me  if  I  choose 
to  ascertain  beforehand  whether  I  am  not  to  pay  too  high 
for  the  fiddle. 

GAMMON. — A  very  sensible  suggestion  ! 

TRIMSAIL. — We  know  that  you  never  had  anything  to  do 
with  politics,  but  our  experience  is  at  your  service. 

WAGTAIL. — You  are  a  raw  hand,  but  a  little  drilling  from 
such  leaders  as  you  will  have  about  you,  will  soon  make  you 
competent  for  the  task. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  I  am  willing  to  learn,  and  to  peep  a 
little  into  your  school  for  politics,  provided  you  allow  me 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  115 

the  privilege  of  running  away  like  a  truant  boy,  if  I  don't 
like  your  discipline-. 

TURNCOAT. — Unanimously  agreed,  I  suppose.  [Looking 
round  to  all  the  actors,  who  nod  assent] 

RANDOLPH. — If  so — out  with  your  prospectus,  my  good 
teachers — and  let  me  see  how  I  like  it. 

LOVEDALE. — Although  the  youngest  of  the  company,  I  beg 
leave  to  be  the  spokesman  on  this  occasion,  and  to  show  off 
a  little.  I  am  sure  that  our  friend  there,  although  too  well 
bred  to  let  out  the  secret,  prides  himself  mightily  upon  his 
knowledge  of  books,  and  that  he  has  a  very  indifferent  opin 
ion  of  my  intellect,  because  it  has  never  troubled  itself  about 
the  musty  records  of  the  past.  Well !  I  wish  to  show  him 
that  I  have  studied  human  nature,  at  least,  and  that,  with 
regard  to  any  of  the  practical  purposes  of  life,  when  it  comes 
to  racing  for  political  power,  for  wealth,  or  for  any  thing 
else,  the  scholar  who  has  been  living  in  his  closet  with 
Tacitus  and  Machiavel  will  easily  be  left  in  the  back  ground 
by  him  who,  in  the  grog  shop,  has  been  associating  with 
Tom,  Dick  or  Harry,  and  some  other  knowing  ones  of  the 
present  day. 

RANDOLPH. — [Bowing  with  great  gravity.] — I  humbly  ad 
mit  my  inferiority  in  that  respect,  and  shall  be  happy  to 
profit  by  your  lessons. 

LOVEDALE. — '[  With  gay  carelessness.] — Well  then  !  I  begin 
— attention,  if  you  please,  my  pupil ;  and  you,  the  school 
directors,  if  I  commit  any  blunders,  please  to  correct  me. 

RANDOLPH. — I  am  all  attention — proceed.  But  allow  me 
to  propound  one  question.  How  is  it  that  you  thought  of 
me  in  connection  with  the  office  of  Governor  ?  I  returned 
to  the  country  only  two  years  ago — I  am  acquainted  with 
few  people  in  the  State,  and  have  not  as  yet  done  any  thing 
for  the  party.  Being  elected  in  my  parish  a  State  Senator, 
because  it  was  impossible  to  find  in  its  whole  breadth  and 
length  any  body  else  disposed  to  come  to  Baton  Rouge,  I 


116  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 

have  not,  so  far,  opened  my  lips  in  that  body,  and  have  taken 
no  share  whatever  in  the  Legislative  business — so  that  a 
more  worthless  log  than  I  have  proved  to  be  cannot  be 
found  floating  on  the  surface  of  party  organization.  I  cer 
tainly  cannot  be  looked  upon  as  one  who  will  make  much 
headway  in  politics,  on  account  of  constitutional  defects 
which  every  body  must  observe  in  me.  I  am  not  a  promis 
ing  youth — that  is  clear.  Why,  therefore,  am  I  taken  up  by 
you,  gentlemen  ? 

LOVEDALE. — For  the  very  reason  you  have  given — because 
you  are  a  log  ....  because  .... 

ALL. — Oh  !  oh  !  wre  protest  .  .  . 

LOVEDALE. — Let  me  explain.  Yes  .  .  because  he  is  in  the 
way  of  nobody,  I  mean.  He  can  be  reproached  with  nothing 
— having  done  nothing.  He  can't  be  attacked  !  What  could 
the  papers  of  the  opposition  say  1 

RANDOLPH. — Very  flattering  indeed  !  It  seems  I  am  taken 
up  on  account  of  my  negative  merits  .  .  .  because  I  am  a 
mere  cipher. 

LOVEDALE. — Not  at  all,  my  dear  sir.  You  have  great 
talents  unquestionably  ;  but  fortunately  they  are  not  known. 
Otherwise,  they  would  excite  envy  ;  and  so  many  anxious 
geniuses  would  look  upon  you  as  a  possible  obstacle  to  be 
found  in  their  way  at  some  future  time,  that  you  would  be 
rejected  through  their  intrigues.  If  your  want  of  ambition, 
your  love  of  ease  and  independence,  your  aversion  for  poli 
tics  were  as  familiar  to  them  as  to  us — that  indeed  might 
counterbalance  the  bad  effect  produced  by  your  talents,  be 
cause,  as  you  will  never  make  much  effort  to  push  yourself 
forward,  and  as  you  would  not  even  know  how  to  do  it,  you 
might,  at  any  time,  be  put  on  the  shelf,  without  much  trouble 
on  their  part,  or  complaint  from  yourself.  This  is  very  con 
venient  ;  and  there  is  no  greater  recommendation  for  a  candi 
date,  I  assure  you,  than  to  be  thought  available  for  temporary 
purposes.  Such  a  man  is  frequently  put  in  office  by  the 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  117 

knowing  ones  to  prevent  another  individual,  whom  they  have 
reason  to  fear,  from  stepping  in.  Therefore  I  say  that,  as 
few  only  are  acquainted  with,  or  would  believe  in,  your  indo 
lence  and  the  other  peculiarities  of  your  unambitious  temper, 
it  is  lucky  that  your  talents  are  not  generally  known. 

ALL. — No.     No.     We  don't  agree  to  that. 

GOVERNOR. — On  the  contrary,  Lovedale — we  take  up  our 
friend  because  of  his  talents — because  we  wish  to  push  him 
as  far  and  as  high  as  he  can  go. 

LOVEDALE. —  We,  to  be  sure — because  we  are  his  disinter 
ested  friends — but  not  the  other  leaders. 

RANDOLPH. — [^4«<fe.] — The  old  foxes  are  afraid  the  young 
one  may  commit  them,  but  he  is  a  true  chip  of  the  right 
block.  [To  Lovedale.]  But  have  you  sounded  the  people  in 
relation  to  my  candidateship  ? 

LOVEDALE. — [To  the  other  actors.'] — Is  he  raw,  eh?  [To 
Randolph,]  What  the  deuce  has  the  people  to  do  at  all  in 
this  matter  1 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  feigned  astonishment.] — As  this  is  the 
model  republic — the  government  of  the  people  by  the  people, 
I  thought 

LOVEDALE. — Phsaw !  my  dear  sir,  the  people  don't  bother 
themselves  about  these  things,  except  going  to  the  polls 
merely  to  ratify  what  a  few  of  us,  their  leaders,  have  deter 
mined  ;  and  we  so  arrange  it  through  party  organization,  that 
no  one  dares  rebel  against  any  ukase  of  ours,  and  the  people 
cannot  help  accepting  the  candidate  we  put  upon  them.  The 
I  dish  is  set  hot  and  smoking  upon  the  table,  they  must  take  it 
,as  it  is. 

RANDOLPH. — You  amaze  me  ! 

LOVEDALE. — To  be  short,  here  is  what  you  will  have  to  do. 
You  must  begin  with  buying  up  the  support  of  about  a  dozen 
of  the  most  influential  of  the  country  papers,  and  also  secure 
the  whole  New  Orleans  press — I  mean  that  part  of  it  which 
belongs  to  our  party,  and  which  is  to  be  bought.  It  will  how- 


118  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

ever  be  understood  that  one  of  these  papers  will  seem  to  bo 
opposed  to  you,  and  will  pretend  to  support  the  claims  of 
any  rival  you  may  have  before  the  convention,  but  in  such  a 
manner  as  to  cut  his  throat.  That  is  good  policy.  It  will 
also  be  necessary  to  command  the  services  of  what  is  called  an 
independent  paper — then  the  operation  will  be  complete. 

RANDOLPH. — Buy  up  the  press — that  great  palladium  of  our 
liberties ! 

LOVEDALE. — [Laughing.'] — The  great  palladium  of  our  lib 
erties  !  What  primitive  innocence  !  Is  it  not  rich  1  Ha  ! 
ha!  ha! 

ALL. — [Laughing .~\ — Rich  ! — Decidedly  rich.  Ha  !  ha  ! 
ha! 

RANDOLPH. — But  this  buying  up  of  the  press  must  be  a 
pretty  expensive  affair. 

GAMMON. — No. — Only  about  six  thousand  dollars  ; — and 
you  can  afford  it. 

LOVEDALE. — Mr.  Gammon  is  right.  Those  papers  will 
say,  for  a  trifling  remuneration,  that  you  are  perfection  itself, 
and  will  demonstrate  that  you  are  clamorously  demanded  by 
the  people  as  Governor.  The  next  step  will  be  to  pack  the 
convention. 

RANDOLPH. — Pack  the  Convention  ! — like  cards  1 

LOVEDALE. — Why — certainly — -pack  the  Convention — like 
a  jury.  Where  do  you  come  from,  man  ?  Have  you 
dropped  from  the  moon  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — Of  course,  Mr.  Randolph — no  one,  however 
exalted  his  merits  may  be,  can  be  expected  to  be  taken  up  as 
the  candidate  of  a  party,  unless  he  packs  the  convention,  or 
unless  his  friends  do  it  for  him. 

LOVEDALE. — In  every  country  parish,  there  are  two  or 
three  men  who  control  it  and  who  can  cause  to  be  appointed 
what  delegates  they  please.  By  securing  those -few  men,  we 
secure  the  country  influence,  and,  depend  upon  it,  we  are 
well  acquainted  with  the  means  to  be  employed  in  order  to 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  119 

accomplish  that  purpose.  Is  it  not  true,  Governor,  eh? 
[  With  a  meaning  look  and  smile.] 

GOVERNOR. — To  be  sure — to  be  sure  .  .  provided  Mr. 
Randolph  authorizes  us  to  go  the  full  length  in  his  name.  In 
that  case  we  would  give  him  more  detailed  information  on 
the  subject. 

LOVEDALE. — As  to  the  city  of  New  Orleans,  it  is  the  easiest 
thing  in  the  world  to  have  what  delegates  we  please.  The 
operation  is  not  complicated  at  all — it  is  a  mere  matter  of 
dollars  and  cents. 

RANDOLPH. — Has  it  come  to  this?  Are  freemen  to  be 
bought  like  hogs  in  the  market  ?  Well !  well !  what  will 
that  cost  ? 

WAGTAIL. — I  am  fully  qualified  to  answer ;  for  I  acted  as 
the  agent  of  the  Governor  in  the  last  gubernatorial  election. 
To  control  the  preliminary  proceedings  and  to  have  proper 
delegates  appointed  in  the  several  wards  of  the  city,  it  cost 
him  five  thousand  dollars. 

ALL. — Cheap — decidedly  cheap — very. 

LOVEDALE. — Once  taken  by  the  convention,  the  rest  is 
easy.  All  that  you  have  to  do,  is  to  put  ten  thousand  dollars 
in  the  hands  of  the  Central  Committee,  who  will  do  all  the 
dirty  work,  and  buy,  or  manufacture  for  you,  if  they  don't 
exist,  four  thousand  votes  in  New  Orleans.  That  alone  se 
cures  the  election. 

RANDOLPH. — Is  that  all  ? 

TURNCOAT. — No, — you  will  have  to  scatter  about  three  or 
four  thousand  dollars  in  the  employment  of  agents,  and  buy 
up  all  the  votes  that  can  be  bought  in  the  several  country 
parishes. 

GOVERNOR. — As  a  round  sum,  you  may  put  down  the 
whole  expense  at  $25,000.  Should  you  give  that,  you  will 
sweep  everything  before  you.  [Turning  round  to  the  other 
persons  present.']  What  do  you  say  ? 

ALL. — It  is  so — you  are  right. 


120  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. — If  such  be  the  state  of  things,  a  poor  man  has 
but  very  little  political  chance. 

LOVEDALE. — I  beg  your  pardon — he  has  some,  but  in  a 
different  way  and  through  different  means.  For  instance,  if 
you  had  been  poor,  my  advice  would  have  varied  accordingly. 
I  would  say :  show  your  talents — get  deeply  into  debt — put 
on  openly  some  real  or  assumed  vice.  That  would  make 
envy  forgive  your  talents — for  it  must  have  some  cud  or 
other  to  chew.  Every  merit  you  may  have  must  be  counter 
balanced  by  some  glaring  imperfection.  If  the  people  can 
only  say :  what  a  splendid  mind  that  fellow  has  !  What  a 
pity  he  is  such  a  vagabond !  you  may  be  sure  they  will  all 
vote  for  you.  Envy  has  been  disarmed.  But,  if  you  are  an 
unexceptionable  candidate,  you  are  doomed.  Human  nature 
will  not  stand  it.  What !  nothing  to  criticise  in  a  man  who 
comes  forward  before  the  public !  Why  !  the  stones  them 
selves  would  rise  up  against  him. 

RANDOLPH. — A  pretty  misanthrope  you  are,  Lovedale,  for 
your  age ! 

LOVEDALE. — Damn  misanthropy — facts  ! — glaring  facts — I 
tell  you  ;  human  nature — that's  all.  I  would  further  say  to 
you  :Y.shake  hands  with  every  low  fellow  you  meet — the 
dirtier  the  better  ;  dress  shabbily — affect  vulgarity — learn  to 
swear  as  big  and  as  loud  as  possible — tap  every  man  affec 
tionately  on  the  shoulder — get  drunk  once  a  week — conspicu 
ously,  mind  you — in  some  well  known  tippling  establishment 
— become  a  member  of  every  one  of  those  associations 
which  spring  up  daily  in  New  Orleans — spout  against 
tyrants,  aristocrats,  and  the  rich — above  all,  talk  eternally  of 
the  poor  oppressed  people  and  of  their  rights — drop  entirely 
the  garb,  the  manners,  and  the  feelings  of  a  gentleman — and 
you  may  have  the  chance  of  a  triumphant  election"1.  .  .  par 
ticularly  if ...  if ... 

RANDOLPH. — You  seem  to  hesitate. 

LOVEDALE.— No  .  .  .  But  I  did  not  know  exactly  how  to 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  121 

express  it.     I  mean  ....  if  you  should  give  certain  guaran 
ties  to  the  leaders. 

RANDOLPH. — That  is  ...  if  I  pledged  myself  to  be  their 
tool  ...  I  suppose. 

GAMMON. — [  With  the  most  placid  of  his  smiles.] — Exactly 
so. 

TRIMSAIL. — The  fact  is,  Mr.  Randolph  .  -.  .  it  is  useless  to 
be  squeamish  about  it.  Antiquated  notions  must  be  set 
aside.  Lately  the  science  of  politics  has  been  greatly  im 
proved  and  has  progressed  with  the  age.  It  now  consists  in 
buying,  or  being  bought — in  using  tools — or  in  being  used  as 
such. 

RANDOLPH. — Any  further  information  7 

LOVEDALE. — Yes.  After  you  are  chosen  by  the  conven 
tion,  and  have  put  the  necessary  means  in  the  hands  of  the 
Central  Committee,  you  will  travel  leisurely  through  the 
State,  shake  hands  with  every  body — address  a  compliment 
to  every  woman — kiss  every  child — drink  as  much  bad 
brandy  and  whisky  as  you  can — and  make  stump  speeches, 
although  it  don't  signify  much  after  all.  But  it  is  necessary 
for  stage  effect,  whilst  the  real  work  is  done  behind  the 
scenes. 

RANDOLPH. — But,  gentlemen — 1  foresee  more  difficulties 
than  you  are  aware  of.  Crawford  is  spoken  of  as  Governor, 
and  no  man  that  I  know  of  has  the  one-hundredth  part  of 
his  claims.  ^3e  has  been  for  twenty-five  years  a  consistent 
party  man,  has  rendered  great  services,  has  filled  with  much 
credit,  and  to  universal  satisfaction,  very  important  and 
arduous  offices  which  brought  him  no  pecuniary  profits,  AJ- 
though  in  very  moderate  circumstances  indeed  as  to  fortune, 
he  has  never  yielded  to  any  temptation.  In  my  opinion,  he 
has  as  much  talent  as  any  man  in  the  United  "States — he  is 
of  unbending  independence — of  iron  energy — a  polished  gen 
tleman — a  distinguished  scholar — a  statesman  whose  integrity 
6 


122  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

no  man  would  venture  to  attack.  That  man  will  certainly 
be  selected. 

GOVERNOR. — Crawford  is  all  that  you  say — but  he  is  out 
of  place  and  out  of  time — unfit  for  the  age — quite — I  assure 
you.  He  ought  to  have  lived  centuries  ago ;  he  is  antedi 
luvian.  He  knows  nothing  of  human  nature — he  is  imprac 
ticable.  Depend  upon  it — he  won't  do.  He  lacks  judgment 
and  common  sense.^ , 

LOVEDALE. — Besides,  he  does  not  suit  us — he  is  not  our 
friend — and  the  means  are  easy  to  put  him  out  of  the  way. 

RANDOLPH. — [Kindling  with  passion.~\ — Would  you  calum 
niate  such  a  man,  who  is  an  honor  to  the  State  1  Would  you 
injure  him  in  his  reputation,  which  is  all  that  he  has  1  I  will 
not  permit  it — I  would  rather  cut  your  throat. 

LOVEDALE. — [Coolly.'] — Thank  you!  But  who  talks  of 
calumny  1  We  leave  calumny  to  old  fogies.  It  is  worn  out 
threadbare  and  unworthy  of  young  America.  Why — we 
will  praise  him  up  to  the  sky — will  that  satisfy  you  ? 

RANDOLPH. — [  Who  has  resumed  his  air  of  carelessness.] — It 
depends  how  it  is  done. 

LOVEDALE. — We  will  do  it  in  the  nicest  way  imaginable. 
With  a  few  skilful  agents  in  the  city  and  a  few  others  scat 
tered  through  the  country,  we  will  manage  it  easily. 

RANDOLPH. — Let  us  see  how. 

LOVEDALE.— Thus — whenever  Crawford's  name  shall  be 
mentioned,  these  agents  will  profess  to  be  his  warmest 
friends,  and  will  say  that  he  is  perfection  itself — but  shrug 
ging  up  their  shoulders,  and  with  a  look  of  profound  dejec 
tion,  will  exclaim  :  "  What  a  pity  he  is  so  unpopular  !  There 
is  no  office  of  which  he  is  not  worthy.  We  have  tried  him 
everywhere — he  won't  do — the  people  won't  have  him." 
Thus  public  opinion  is  formed — and  there  is  no  resisting  its 
mighty  current. 

RANDOLPH. — But,  my  dear  sir,  the  city  is  for  him,  I  know. 

WAGTAIL. — What  of  that  ?  We  will  bring  down  hundreds 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS.  123 

of  men  from  the  country,  who  will  say  that  the  country  is  not 
for  him ;  and  thus  the  city  will  give  him  up  in  despair. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  but  I  have  lately  travelled  throughout 
the  State,  and  I  know  the  country  is  for  him. 

TURNCOAT. — You  furget  that  we  shall  have  agents  in  the 
country  who  will  circulate  that  the  city  is  hostile  to  him — 
who  will  express  feelingly  the  greatest  mortification  at  it — 
who  therefore  will  be  believed,  and  who,  by  this  skilful 
manoeuvre,  will  cause  him  to  be  abandoned  by  the  country. 

GOVERNOR, — Besides,  my  dear  Randolph,  it  is  very  easy  to 
persuade  every  country  parish  separately,  that  Crawford  is 
unpopular  in  the  rest  of  the  State. 

RANDOLPH. — How  is  that  1 

GOVERNOR. — Thus,  for  instance.  We  send  half-a-dozen 
agents  to  the  powerful  Attakapas  and  Opeloussas  parishes. 
"  Who  are  you  for  ?"  they  say  to  the  people  there. — "  For 
Crawford."  answer  the  people.— "  So  are  we,"  reply  the 
agents,  "  and  we  have  been  working  very  hard  to  persuade 
the  other  parishes,  particularly  the  Red  River  parishes  and 
New  Orleans,  to  take  him  up.  But  it  is  no  go.  He  is  so 
unpopular  !" — "  What  a  pity  !"  exclaim  the  people,  "  he  was 
our  choice,  but,  of  course,  we  must  give  him  up  to  secure 
unanimity  in  the  party." — "  To  be  sure,"  continue  the  agents 
with  tears  in  their  eyes,  "  it  is  very  sad,  but  it  must  be  so. 
There  is  no  help  for  it."—"  But,"  say  the  people,  "  who  shall 
we  choose  in  his  place  ?" — "  Randolph." — "  Randolph  ? 
Never  heard  of  him  before  !  Who  is  he  ?" — "  Why — the 
most  popular  man  in  the  whole  State.  He  is  not  our  choice ; 
but  we  must  admit  in  candor  that  everybody  wants  him, 
and,  of  course,  we  yield  our  preferences.  We  confess  that 
he  is  the  most  available  candidate."  The  Attakapas  and 
Opeloussas  people  hang  down  their  heads  in  disappointment, 
but  say  to  the  agents  :  "  If  his  popularity  is  such  elsewhere, 
then  he  is  the  man." — "  Of  course,"  reply  the  agents — and 
thus  the  thing  is  settled — all  snug. 


124  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

LOVEDALE. — The  same  scene  is  acted  in  every  other  district 
of  the  State.  For  instance,  the  same  men  proceed  to  the 
Red  River  parishes.  "  Who  are  you  for  ?" — "  Crawford." — 
"  So  are  we  ;  but  they  don't  want  him  in  the  Opeloussas  and 
Attakapas  parishes,  nor  in  the  city." — "Is  that  a  fact?" — 
"  Melancholy  fact.  He  is  so  unpopular !" — "  Then  we  must 
give  up  our  favorite  not  to  divide  the  party.  Is  it  not  so  ?" 
— "  Of  course — he  is  so  unpopular,"  answer  the  agents  with 
a  deep  sigh  of  regret.  It  spreads,  my  dear  sir — it  spreads — 
and  the  man,  whom  everybody  wanted,  is  put  on  the  shelf 
for  the  rest  of  his  life,  much  to  the  astonishment  of  the 
humbugged  masses,  as  being  unpopular  and  unavailable. 
They  are  puzzled,  but  they  submit.  Is  it  not  funny  ?  So 
the  world  goes. 

RANDOLPH. — But  you  will  be  asked  the  reasons  why  he  is 
unpopular  ! 

GAMMON. — My  good  sir,  a  politician  never  gives  reasons, 
particularly  when  addressing  the  people  at  large.  Reasons 
may  be  refuted — it  might  lead  him  into  a  scrape.  No,  no — 
Crawford  is  unpopular — because  unpopular.  We  don't 
understand  it — of  course.  We  don't  comprehend  it ;  it  is 
inexplicable.  He  is  a  man  of  exalted  merit — he  is  worthy  of 
the  highest  office  in  the  land — but  he  is  unpopular.  Perhaps 
it  may  be  added  :  that  he  is  proud — that  he  is  not  one  of  the 
people — that  he  is  an  aristocrat — and  such  trash.  It  takes, — 
depend  upon  it — it  takes — and  down  he  goes  .  .  to  the  bottom 
for  ever  ! 

GOVERNOR. — Well !  Randolph,  now  that  you  understand  the 
position,  what  do  you  say  ? 

RANDOLPH. — \_After  having  mused  a  little.] — Gentlemen,  if 
I  have  understood  you  correctly,  and  if  you  have  represented 
things  as  they  are,  it  is  plain  that,  although  our  government 
is  apparently,  constitutionally,  and  on  paper,  a  democracy,  in 
reality  and  in  practice,  it  is  an  oligarchy.  Is  that  admitted 
.  .  frankly  7 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  125 

ALL. — \Nodding  assent.'] — Yes. 

GAMMON. — We  did  not  make  it  so. 

GOVERNOR. — It  is  not  our  fault. 

RANDOLPH. — No  matter  whose  fault  it  is.  But  this  I  want 
to  know  positively.  If  elected  Governor — as  I  shall  be  in 
debted  for  it  to  that  oligarchy,  and  not  to  the  people, what 

will  that  oligarchy  expect  of  me  ? 

LOVEDALE. — Why — of  course — mutual  assistance.  You 
will  help  them,  and  they  will  help  you. 

RANDOLPH. — But  they  may  ask  me  some  things  which  may 
be  inconsistent  with  my  oath  of  office  and  with  what  I  may 
deem  due  to  my  implied  obligations  to  the  people. 

LOVEDALE. — [  With  impatience.'] — Damn  the  people  ! 
Who  cares  for  the  people1?  What  humbug  is  this?  We 
are  talking  here  like  friends — with  open  hearts — like  practical 
men — like  politicians.  We  are  not  here  canvassing  for 
votes — speechifying  for  effect — and  acting  torn-fooleries. 
[With  increased  animation,  to  the  other  actors.]  I  begin  to 
think  that  our  friend  here  is  impracticable — and  that  he  must 
be  dropped. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  great  dignity. .] — Not  having  consented 
to  be  taken  up,  I  cannot  be  dropped,  sir.  [In  a  milder  tone :] 
Gentlemen,  my  resolution  was  taken  from  the  beginning,  and 
if  I  have  listened  to  you  so  long,  it  is  on  account  of  the 
pleasure  it  afforded  rne.  I  repeat  what  I  have  always  said  : 
I  want  no  office.  My  supreme  desire  is  to  doze  away  life  in 
a  sort  of  comfortable  dream.  Receive,  however,  my  heart 
felt  acknowledgments,  and  before  we  part,  let  me  give  you 
a  sentiment  with  a  bumper.  [Rising,  he  rings  the  bell — 
servant  appears.  He  points  to  the  refreshments  on  the  table,] 
Hand  them  round.  Bumpers,  gentlemen.  Here  is  my  toast : 
To  the  next  United  States  Senator  from  Louisiana.  May  he 
be  a  great  man  in  Congress  ! 

ALL.— ••[Touching  glasses.] — Very  patriotic.  To  the  next 
United  States  Senator. 


126  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. — Well !  Randolph,  I  see  that  you  are  incor 
rigible.  I  am  sorry  for  it.  Good  bye.  We  must  leave 
you.  [They  all  bow  and  take  leave,  with  the  exception  of 
Gammon.  The  Governor,  when  near  the  door,  turns  round, 
and  says  jestingly  to  Gammon  :]  I  leave  you  without  fear 
with  our  friend.  If  you  can  get  his  blank  vote,  and  be 
elected  by  it,  you  will  deserve  credit  for  having  managed  the 
most  impracticable  man  alive. 

GAMMON. — [In  the  same  tone.] — Don't  be  too  confident.  I 
have  done  more  wonderful  things  in  my  life. 

GOVERNOR. — Well !  we  shall  see.     [Exeunt] 


SCENE  Y. 

GAMMON,  RANDOLPH. 

GAMMON. — Thank  God  !  they  are  gone.  I  was  so  anxious 
to  consult  you.  Do  you  comprehend  what  passed  in  the 
caucus  last  night.  I  have  been  deserted  by  two  of  my  friends 
— that's  clear — and  only  saved  from  defeat  by  the  lucky 
accident  of  Lovedale's  arrest.  I  confess  that  I  feel  the  utmost 
alarm,  and  I  am  at  a  loss  what  to  do.  Can  you  give  me  any 
information  ? 

RANDOLPH. — [Shaking  his  head.~\ — No. 

GAMMON. — What  increases  my  anxieties  is  this  anonymous 
letter,  which  has  been  handed  me,  and  which  designates 
Trimsail  as  the  traitor.  I  am  half  inclined  to  believe  it ;  for 
none  but  Trimsail  could  have  the  influence  to  carry  along 
with  him  one  vote  from  my  ranks.  Besides,  I  suspect  he 
has  a  secret  hankering  for  the  vacant  judgeship.  Read  the 
letter. 

RANDOLPH. — [After  having  read.] — This  deserves  consid 
eration. 


THE   SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  12 1 

GAMMON. — Do  you  believe  it  ? 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  frigid  indifference^ — It  does  not  con 
cern  me.  But  I  have  read  somewhere,  that  in  politics  even 
trifles  ought  not  to  be  neglected. 

GAMMON. — Pray — as  a  friend,  tell  me  what  you  would 
advise  me  to  do. 

RANDOLPH. — You  have  in  your  breast  your  own  adviser. 
What  says  that  instinct  of  the  head,  or  of  the  heart,  which 
never  deceives,  if  properly  consulted  1  Look  inside  for  your 
monitor. 

[GAMMON. — [  With  vehemence.'] — Well  then,  that  monitor 
tells  me  to  act  as  if  the  accusation  was  true,  and  to  guard  at 
once  against  the  fatal  results  of  a  treachery  which  is  but  too 
probable. 

RANDOLPH. — [Smiting.] — This  is  prudent  at  least. 

GAMMON. — So  !  Let  it  be  granted  then  that  those  two 
votes  are  irrecoverably  lost,  and  that  I  must  get  others  to  make 
up  for  this  sudden  deficiency.  But,  in  the  mean  time,  [taking 
a  bundle  out  of  his  pocket,]  I  intrust  you  with  these  sealed 
papers.  If  Trimsail  gets  the  judgeship  he  covets,  it  is  a  proof 
that  he  has  betrayed  me.  In  that  case,  break  open  the  seal, 
and  consider  the  contents  of  these  papers  as  officially  laid  be 
fore  you  and  the  Senate.  [Rubbing  his  hands  in  high  glee.] 
Then  I'll  have  my  revenge,  as  the  fellow's  nomination  would 
not  be  confirmed. 

RANDOLPH. — [Pocketing  the  bundle.'] — If  I  understand 
you  correctly,  should  Trimsail  betray  you  and  be  rewarded 
for  his  treachery  with  the  judgeship,  I  am  to  take  official 
knowledge  of  the  papers.  Otherwise,  I  know  nothing  of 
their  existence. 

GAMMON.— That's  it.  But  I  leave  you— having  no  time  to 
lose,  if  I  wish  to  counteract  the  Governor's  manoeuvres. 


128  THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 


SCENE  YL 

[Enter  BECKENDORF,  followed  by  JOHN.] 

KANDOLPH. — Ah !  here  is  our  friend  Mr.  Beckendorf. 

GAMMON. — [To  BeckendorfJ\ — Just  in  time.  I  was  going 
after  you.  What's  the  news  1 

BECKENDORF. — Four  of  the  Governor's  friends  having  been 
designated  to  me  as  in  the  way  of  trade,  I  have  prepared  my 
batteries  accordingly. 

B,ECKENDORF.-[.#a^?%.]— Well !  Well !  What  have  you 
done  1 

BECKENDORF. — Nothing. 

GAMMON. — Nothing !     Why — Mr.  Beckendorf 

BECKENDORF. — Stop — stop — not  so  fast  neither.  It  is 
always  time  enough  to  complain.  [  With  a  great  shoiu  of  self- 
complacency  J\  /did  nothing,  of  course,  mind  you,  because  I 
might  have  been  watched.  I  am  not  such  a  fool  as  to  fall 
into  such  a  trap.  But  I  sent  my  wife  to  parley  with  the  ten 
der-footed.  She  won't  be  suspected,  eh  !  That  is  what  I  call 
diplomacy.  Not  so  bad,  eh !  not  so  bad. 

EANDOLPH. — Excellent,  faith  !  You  must  have  been  born 
a  diplomatist,  Mr.  Beckendorf;  at  all  events,  you  ought  to 
be  one  as  soon  as  possible  ! 

BECKENDORF. — [Pompously] — Sir,  you  natter  me  .  .  .  but 
more  strange  things  have  been  seen.  [Meaningly  to  Gam 
mon  :]  Is  it  not  true,  Mr.  Gammon  1  [Randolph  and  Gam 
mon  look  at  each  other  and  smile] 

GAMMON. — [Significantly.'] — There  are  few  things  which  I 
consider  as  more  probable,  Mr.  Beckendorf.  But  I  am  off 
...  on  very  pressing  business,  as  you  well  may  suppose. 
Farewell,  gentlemen.  [.&£»/.] 

BECKENDORF. — [To  Randolph.] — I  told  Mrs.  Beckendorf  to 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  129 

meet  me  here,  and  we  shall  soon  know  the  result  of  her  nego 
tiations. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  make  yourself  at  home  here,  Mr.  Beck- 
endorf,  and  allow  me  the  privilege  of  retiring  a  few  minutes 
to  write  a  pressing  letter. 

BECKENDORF. — Certainly — certainly,  sir.  I  should  be  very 
sorry  to  be  in  the  way.  Business,  is  business. 

RANDOLPH. — John,  you  have  been  unusually  silent.  Brush 
up  your  wits — pray — entertain  your  patron  in  my  absence. 
[To  Beckendorf]  With  your  permission  then  ....  [He  bows 
and  goes  out.] 


SCENE  VII. 

BECKENDORF,  JOHN. 

BECKENDORF. — I  am  fretting  with  impatience.  Gertrude 
is  very  slow  coming.  I  told  her,  however,  to  bid  very  high. 
She  must  have  good  news  to  bring. 

JOHN> — Certainly.  She  must  have  succeeded.  She  is  a 
very  clever  woman — the  old  lady.  That  she  is  indeed !  She 
has  either  bought  them  outright,  or  [with  a  meaning  sneer] 
locked  them  up. 

BECKENDORF. — John — you  forget  yourself! 

JOHN. — I  beg  your  pardon,  sir.  Forget  myself!  On  the 
contrary,  I  am  troubled  with  too  much  memory.  My  mother, 
Deborah  Nutmeg,  used  to  say  that  it  had  always  been  my 
weak  side.  I  was  born  with  that  imperfection. 

BECKENDORF. — [Rubbing  his  hands  with  great  glee.] — Yes 
— she  must  have  succeeded.  Gammon  will  be  elected. 
Then  I  am  minister  pleriipo  .  .  .  and — John,  look  here — 
listen. 

JOHN. — [Coming  up  to  him  eagerly] — What  is  it? 
6* 


130  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

BECKENDORF.— [  With  much  emphasis.']—  I'll  do  something 
for  you. 

JOHN. — Secretary  of  Legation  1 

BECKENDORF. — Oh  !  no — not  that — but  something. 

JOHN.— {Impatiently.}— Well  !     Well !     What  is  it  7 

BECKENDORF. — [  With  still  more  emphasis.] — You  will  put 
me  in  mind,  John,  to. promise  you  to  do  something. 

JOHN. — [  With  an  air  of  disappointment'] — Pooh  ! 

BECKENDORF. — But,  John — whilst  we  are  waiting  for  Mrs. 
Beckendorf,  suppose  we  fancy  you  are  a  German  prince,  and 
I  a  minister  plenipo. 

JOHN. — No.  You  may  be  a  minister  plenipo,  as  much  as 
you  please—/  am  no  square-headed  German  prince,  but  a 
long-headed  Yankee  boy. 

BECKENDORF.— Pish  !  It  is  merely  for  a  rehearsal,  you 
blockhead  !  It  don't  destroy  your  nationality. 

JOHN. — [  With  a  grin.] — Oh  !  You  mean  the  acting  of 
such  fanciful  characters  as  I  have  seen  on  the  stage.  Well ! 
Well !  Let  us  see  the  fun. 

BECKENDORF. — Then  take  that  chair— and  suppose  it  to  be 
the  throne.  Sit  on  it  like  a  prince — and  when  I  approach  to 
make  my  speech  of  introduction,  rise  majestically,  and  listen 
to  me  with  profound  attention. 

JOHN.  —  [Peevishly.]  — But  I  am  not  dressed  for  it.  I  can't 
play  the  king  without  the  crown  and  the  other  gewgaws. 
Without  them  a  king  is  nothing  but  a  man  like  Tom,  Dick 
or  Harry. 

BECKENDORF.— No  matter— no  matter.  There  is  nobody 
looking  at  us.  We  don't  aim  at  stage  effect.  I  want  only 
to  try  my  hands  at  the  trade — that's  all.  It  is  a  mere  re 
hearsal I  say.  Actors  don't  dress  for  rehearsal — you  know. 

JOHN. — Well  then  !  go  on.  [He  puts  himself  on  the  chair 
in  a  theatrical  attitude — claps  his  hat  -on  his  head,  saying  :] 
Here  is  my  crown.  [And  talcing  a  candlestick  from  a  table 
close  by,  he  soys  :]  This  candlestick  is  my  sceptre.  I  am 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  151 

for  light  and  general  education,  although  a  benighted  king. 

\_BecJcendorf  goes  to  the  further  end  of  the  room,  and  after 
having  made  three  low  reverences  as  he  approaches  the  throne, 
stops  at  a  certain  distance,  and  prepares  to  speak.  John  rises 
deliberately — sticks  his  left  .arm  akimbo  on  his  side,  and  holds 
out  with  his  right  one,  and  with  a  ludicrous  show  of  majesty, 
the  candlestick  which  represents  the  sceptre.'] 

BECKENDORF. — Sire,  [King  John  Tobias  Nutmeg  bows  con 
descendingly.']  I,  Dunder  Blunder  Beckendorf,  a  native  of 
Dusseldorf  in  the  Dutchy  of  Berg,  but  a  naturalized  citizen 
of  the  United  States  of  America  for  the  last  thirty  years, 
have  the  honor  of  being  sent  by  the  President  of  those 
United  States  to  your  Majesty  as  minister  plenipotentiary, 
to  represent  near  your  august  person  the  great  republic  of 
the  New  World.  I  am  instructed  by  the  President  to  assure 
your  Majesty  of  his  earnest  desire  to  revive  and  strengthen 
the  bonds  of  amity  already  existing  between  the  two  gov 
ernments. 

JOHN. — Mr.  Minister  Plenipo,  I  am  happy  to  listen  to  the 
expression  of  such  sentiments,  particularly  when  coming  from 
your  lips.  I  rejoice  at  the  felicitous  choice  made  by  the 
President  of  the  United  States.  It  shows  his  excellent 
judgment.  You  were  born  a  German,  and  in  consideration 
of  that  amiable  circumstance,  I  rely  on  those  feelings  of 
sympathy  which  still  must  lurk  in  your  breast  in  favor  of  old 
Germany.  You  will,  no  doubt,  be  a  quiet,  pacific,  and  jog 
trot  sort  of  a  minister.  Thank  God  !  that  the  President  did 
not  bethink  himself  of  sending  some  fiery  native-born 
American,  who,  with  his  crazy  backwood  notions,  would  have 
disturbed  my  slumbers,  and  who  would  perhaps  have  run 
away  with  myself  and  my  kingdom  in  some  newly-patented 
vehicle  of  his  invention.  For  instance,  if  he  had  sent  such  a 
sharp-witted  Yankee  fellow  as  one  John  Tobias  Nutmeg,  of 
whom  I  have  heard,  instead  of  a  fat-brained,  square-toe  Ger- 
man  burgher  as  yourself 


132  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

BECKENDORF. — [Rushing  at  himJ] — Why — you  impudent 
scamp  !  Let  me  lay  hold  of  you. 

JOHN. — [Jumping  from  the  throne,  and  running  away.~\ — • 
Guards,  to  my  rescue  !  [To  Beckendorf]  This  is  against 
the  law  of  nations,  Mr.  Minister  Plenipo.  I'll  complain  to 
your  government. 


SCENE  VIII. 

[Enter  GERTRUDE.] 

GERTRUDE. — What  foolish  mimickings  are  these  1 

JOHN.- — I  call  you  to  witness,  old  lady,  the  outrageous 
assault  committed  on  a  German  prince. 

GERTRUDE. — Silence,  you  fool !  No  more  of  this  buf 
foonery. 

BECKENDORF. — [With  a  tone  of  apology  in  which  a  slight 
feeling  of  shame  may  be  detected.] — We  were  only  amusing 
ourselves,  whilst  waiting  for  you,  my  dear. 

GERTRUDE. — You  were  amusing  yourself,  Mr.  Beckendorf ! 
— like  a  boy  ! — at  your  age  !  .  .  .  and  in  the  present  circum 
stances  !  When  all  our  prospects  are  ruined — and  when  we 
are  going  to  lose  our  dear  son  for  ever ! 

BECKENDORF. — What  is  it?  How  is  that?  Have  they 
proved  honest  ?  It  is  impossible ! 

[Enter  RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. — Good  morning,  Mrs.  Beckendorf.  I  am  very 
happy  to  see  you. 

GERTRUDE. — [Dropping  a  low  courtsey.~\ — My  respects  to 
you,  sir.  [Turning  to  Beckendorf. ~\  Honest!  you  say. 
Pish  !  they  are  politicians — and  members  of  the  Legislature 
.  .  that  is  what  they  are.  I  saw  the  four  you  had  designated 
to  me — they  seemed  disposed  to  grasp  eagerly  at  my  propo- 


THE  SCHOOL  FOR  POLITICS.  133 

sitions  ;  but  they  said  that  they  were  suspected  and  watched, 
and  that  it  had  been  settled  when  they  came  to  terms  with 
the  other  party,  that  each  one  of  them  bound  himself  to  con 
sent  to  having  by  his  side  one  of  the  Governor's  confidential 
friends,  who  would  take  care  to  see  them  put  the  right  vote 
in  the  ballot  box.  They  appeared  to  be  much  mortified  at 
this  untoward  circumstance,  but  declared  it  was  too  late  to 
find  out  a  remedy — and  so — the  Governor  will  be  elected — 
Mr.  Lovedale  will  marry  Miss  Henrietta — our  poor  son  will 
commit  suicide  or  go  distracted — and  we  shall  all  die  in  des 
pair.  [Begins  to  weep] 

BECKENDORF. — Wife !  Wife  !  Things  are  not  so  bad  as 
you  think.  Gammon  is  a  great  politician — the  best  election 
eering  tactician  in  the  United  States.  He  can't  be  defeated — 
he  is  a  very  devil  in  wiles  and  cunning.  He  will  be,  after 
all,  more  than  a  match  for  his  opponents. 

GERTRUDE. — But  we  must  not  rely  on  him  altogether. 
We  too  must  be  acting  on  our  side.  Come  along. 

JOHN. — To  be  sure — we  must  be  acting.  We,  Yankees, 
never  tire,  never  rest — and  never  give  up  the  ship.  Come 
along,  old  boss.  Let  us  put  our  wits  together. 

BECKENDORF. — [Bustling  up..] — Yes — yes.  Let  us  be  mov 
ing  heaven  and  earth.  You  will  find  my  energies  equal  to 
the  occasion.  When  I  am  pushed,  there  are  in  me  resources 
of  which  no  one  has  any  idea.  [To  Randolph.']  But  before 
I  show  what  I  am  capable  of  ...  I  should  be  happy  to  be 
favored  with  your  advice,  Mr.  Randolph.  Pray — what  shall 
Idol 

GERTRUDE. — Ay  ! — What  is  he  to  do  1 

JOHN. — What  shall  we  do? 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  a  smile.] — Go  home  .  .  .  and  wait. 

BECKENDORF. — Wait ! 

GERTRUDE. — To  wait  is  to  do  nothing ! 

JOHN. — And  to  do  nothing  will  not  help  Mr.  Gammon  nor 
young  boss  much,  I  guess. 


134  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. — Who  knows? — A  great  French  politician  has 
said  :  that  to  know  how  to  wait  is  a  great  art. 

JOHN. — [  With  a  grin.'] — What  our  great  folks  in  Congress 
call  a  masterly  inactivity. 

RANDOLPH. — Exactly  so. 

GERTRUDE-. — [Eagerly.] — If  you  would  only  consent  to 
help  us,  Mr.  Randolph  ! 

RANDOLPH. — You  know,  madam,  that  I  take  no  part  in  this 
struggle,     I  am  neutral  —and  as  inactive  as  a  post. 
{Enter  TRIMSAIL.] 

TRIMSAIL. — [To  Randolph.] — I  have  just  now  received  the 
letter  which  you  addressed  to  me,  and  you  see  that  I  have 
lost  no  time  in  coming. 

BECKENDORF. — Well !  We  leave  you,  Mr.  Randolph,  and 
hope  that  every  thing  will  turn  out  better  than  we  expect. 

RANDOLPH. — [As  if  wishing  to  convey  a  peculiar  meaning, 
and  looking  at  Gertrude.'] — I  am  inclined  to  think  so. 

[Exeunt  BECKENDORF  and  GERTRUDE,  whom  RANDOLPH 
accompanies  as  far  as  the  door.] 

JOHN. — [  Who  had  remained  behind,  walks  up  to  Randolph, 
takes  him  to  a  corner  of  tJie  stage  as  if  he  had  some  secret  to 
communicate,  and  says  mysteriously  :]  You  are  deep  ! — deep  ! 
— You  are  a  man  after  my  own  heart.  Deep  ! — but  honest. 
Don't  start !  I'll  keep  it  to  myself.  But  remember  me 
when  you  are  at  the  top  of  the  ladder.  [With  self-com 
placency.]  There  is  no  deceiving  a  Yankee  boy.  He  can 
see  through  a  stone  wall.  [JE«V.] 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  135 


SCENE  IX. 

[RANDOLPH  looks  with  a  slight  manifestation  of  surprise  at 
JOHN  as  he  goes  out — and  after  musing  a  minute  or  tivo,  he 
walks  back  slowly  to  TRIMSAIL,  and  says  :] 

RANDOLPH. — I  beg  your  pardon  for  having  given  you  the 
trouble  of  calling  on  me ;  but  I  desire  a  private  and  confiden 
tial  conversation  with  you. 

TRIMSAIL. — I  am  all  at  your  service,  you  know.  I  hope 
that  you  have  reconsidered  your  late  determination,  and  are 
now  ready  to  be  our  next  candidate  for  Governor. 

RANDOLPH. — 1  persist  more  than  ever  in  my  supreme  in 
difference  to  politics.  What  I  have  to  say  concerns  you. 

TRIMSAIL. — Me ! 

RANDOLPH. — Yes — you.  You  must  recollect  that  you 
initiated  me  into  some  of  your  secrets — against  my  will — 
for  what  purpose  you  best  know — and  that  you  compelled 
me  to  listen  to  a  conversation  between  the  Governor  and 
yourself,  in  which  it  was  understood,  impliedly  at  least,  that 
if  you  voted  for  him,  you  would  have  the  vacant  judgeship. 

TRIMSAIL. — [With  some  show  of  anxiety  —  To  be  sure  .  .  . 
I  .  .  .  I  .  .  remember  .  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — Then  will  you  permit  me  to  ask  if  you  still 
will  vote  for  the  Governor  at  the  coming  caucus  of  to-day, 
and  thus  secure  his  election,  now  that  Lovedale  is  no  longer 
in  old  Crab  tree's  clutches. 

TRIMSAIL. — Undoubtedly. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  you  have  probably  thought  much  on 
the  subject— and  /have  not.  But  are  you  sure  that  it  would 
not  be  safer  to  resume  your  old  position  in  Gammon's 
ranks. 


136  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Eagerly.] — Has  something  happened  that 
throws  the  chance  on  his  side  ? 

RANDOLPH. — I  do  not  know. 

TRIMSAIL. — Why  then  do  you  advise  me  to  go  back  to 
him1? 

RANDOLPH. — I  give  no  advice  ...  I  merely  suggest — and 
leave  the  rest  to  your  own  consideration. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Aside,  with  increased  anxiety.'] — There  must 

be    something    in    the    wind.       [To    Randolph — speaking 

slowly — and  with  a  sort  of  hesitation :]     If  you  only  told  me 

— that  you  will  side  with  one  or  the  other  of  the  candidates 

...  I  might  .... 

RANDOLPH. — [Coldly.'] — I  side  with  none. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Impatiently.'] — If  so,  why  do  you  wish  me  to 
be  swinging  to  and  fro  like  the  pendulum  of  a  clock  ? 

RANDOLPH. — Because  a  pendulum  is  frequently  very  use 
ful  ...  in  more  than  one  piece  of  machinery  .  .  .  and  if .  . 

TRIMSAIL. — [Angrily. ~] — Mr.  Randolph !  I  allow  my  friends 
great  privileges  and  liberties  .  .  .  but  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — [Haughtily.'] — Sir,  let  us  cut  this  matter 
short.  I  am  not  your  friend — nor  are  you  mine.  But  it 
suits  me  now,  for  purposes  which  I  need  not  explain,  to  put 
you  on  your  guard,  and  to  point  out  to  you  your  own 
interest. 

TRIMSAIL. — Well  !  sir,  what  do  you  aim  at  ? 

RANDOLPH. — I  believe,  Mr.  Trimsail,  that  in  everything 
you  do,  you  are  guided  by  no  other  motive  than  your  own 
private  interest.  Am  I  in  error  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — [Sulkily.] — Admitting  it  to  be  true — I  do  but 
follow  the  example  of  every  other  man. 

RANDOLPH. — Perhaps.  Then  if  you  vote  for  the  Governor, 
it  is  because  you  think  it  is  your  interest  ? 

TRIMSAIL. — Yes. 

RANDOLPH. — Because  you  think  you  thereby  secure  a 
judgeship  ? 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS.  13f 

TRIMSAIL. — Certainly. 

RANDOLPH. — You  are  moved  by  no  other  consideration  ? 
TRIMSAIL. — No. 

RANDOLPH. — [Taking  out  of  his  pocket  the  bundle  of  papers 
Gammon  gave  him.] — Mr.  Gammon  has  put  this  sealed 
bundle  in  my  hands,  requesting  me  to  read  the  papers  it  con 
tains  and  lay  them  before  the  Senate,  should  the  Governor 
be  elected,  and  you  nominated  judge.  He  says  that  they 
will  prevent  you  from  being  confirmed.  If  it  be  true,  and 
you  ought  to  know  it, — in  my  opinion  it  settles  the  question 
at  once,  for,  if  you  support  the  Governor,  you  can't  become 
a  judge,  although  you  may  be  nominated,  that's  clear.  On 
the  other  hand,  should  you  go  back  to  Gammon,  I  am  bound 
to  return  these  papers  to  their  owner,  without  looking  into 
them.  Then  should  you  come  before  the  Senate,  although  I 
cannot  vote  for  your  confirmation,  I  know  that  you  will  pass 
the  ordeal,  as  there  will  be  nothing  laid  before  that  body 
against  you.  So  now,  sir,  see  which  of  the  two  sides  is 
safer.  It  is  for  you  to  decide. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Much  agitated.] — But  .  .  .  but  ...  if  I  resume 
my  old  position  .  .  .  there  will  again  be  a  tie  ....  and  the 
Governor  will  suspect  me. 

RANDOLPH. — No — my  impression  is — that  he  will  not  sus 
pect  your  political  skill  of  being  susceptible  of  this  degree 
of  excellence.  There  are  things  so  peculiar  that  they  can 
hardly  be  suspected. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Angrily.] — Sir,  I  will  call  you  to  an  account 
for  this  .  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — [Contemptuously.] — Pooh! — You  are  in  my 

power — and  I  am  not  in  yours.     [Sternly]     Beware sir 

beware  in  time — and  listen  to  me  calmly,  if  you  please. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Curbing  his  passion] — Well — sir! — well — • 
sir  ! — To  the  point. 

RANDOLPH. — Be  it  so.  [  With  a  hardly  suppressed  sneer  in 
his  tone]  As  I  know  that  you  have  great  confidence  in  my 


138  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

judgment,  allow  me  to  say  :  that  my  impression  is — that  the 
Governor,  thinking  you  are  indissolubly  bound  to  him  by 
your  expectancy  of  the  judgeship,  will  suppose  that  he  has 
been  deserted  by  some  one  of  his  friends,  just  as  you  de 
serted  Gammon — for  a  consideration.  This  is  probably  what 
he  will  presume  to  be  the  cause  of  the  tie  that  will  turn  out 
to  be  the  result  of  the  evening  caucus,  if  you  resume  your  old 
position  with  Gammon,  and  thus  offset  Lovedale's  vote,  which 
was  prevented  from  being  cast  yesterday  by  his  arrest.  You 
will  thus  be  safe  from  his  suspicions — and  he  will  keep  his 
word — and  nominate  you  to  the  judgeship  for  your  supposed 
services. 

TRIMSAIL. — [Musingly."] — Only  tell  me,  Mr.  Randolph, 
that  it  concerns  you  that  .... 

RANDOLPH. — [Hastily.'] — It  concerns  not  me  but  you.  I 
have  nothing  to  gain  in  all  this,  and  no  interest  of  mine  to 
serve.  Well ! — I  leave  you  to  your  reflections.  [Pulling 
out  his  watch."]  Within  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  I  must  know 
your  decision  ;  for,  within  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  I  am  deter 
mined  to  open  this  bundle,  or  to  return  it. 

TRIMSAIL. — [In  great  perplexity.'] — Pray — wait  a  while. 

RANDOLPH. — Good  bye,  sir.    [And  walks  towards  the  door.'] 

TRIMSAIL. — [In  a  beseeching  toneJ] — Stop,  Mr.  Randolph — 
one  moment — I  beg  .... 

RANDOLPH. — [popping  on  the  threshold  of  the  door."] — 
What  do  you  decide,  Colonel?  [With  a  peculiar  emphasis 
on  the  word  Colonel.] 

TRIMSAIL.— I'll  vote  for  Gammon. 

RANDOLPH. — Good  bye,  Judge.     [Exit."] 

TRIMSAIL. — [Alone."] — Well !  I  can't  help  it.  Again  a 
tie — and  no  election  !  This  is  enough  to  perplex  the  devil ! 
[Exit.} 


THE  SCENE  REPRESENTS    A    HALL    AT    THE    GOVERNOR'S    HOUSE 

WHICH  OPENS  INTO  A  SUIT  OF  ROOMS,  THROUGH  WHICH  IS 
SEEN  THE  ILLUMINATED  GARDEN,  AND  IS  HEARD  THE  SOUND 
OF  MUSIC. 

SCENE  I. 

[GOVERNOR,  HENRIETTA,  in  full  ball  dress.] 

GOVERNOR. — I  hope,  my  dear,  that  nothing  will  be  found 
fault  with  in  the  entertainment  which  I  give  this  evening. 
You  have,  no  doubt,  superintended  all  its  details.  I  trusted 
to  you  altogether,  as  I  know  the  correctness  of  your  taste. 
It  is  very  near  seven  o'clock — the  hour  fixed  in  my  letters 
of  invitation,  and  at  which,  therefore,  w*f  may  expect  our 
guests.  The  longer  the  feast,  the  better  for  that  sort  of 
people  who  live  in  small  towns.  The  dancing  will  be  kept 
up  until  daylight,  I  presume. 

HENRIETTA. — I  have  been  unremitting  in  my  exertions 
to  superintend  every  thing.  We  are  ready  for  our  guests. 
The  garden  is  illuminated — and  all  the  servants  at  their 
posts. 

GOVERNOR. — Many  thanks  to  you,  Henrietta.  [Tenderly, 
and  looking  at  her  attentively.']  But  I  am  afraid  that  you 
have  over  exerted  yourself.  You  look  pale — indeed  you  look 


140  THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS. 

pale — and  drooping — as  I  am  sorry  to  see.  Brighten  up — 
brighten  up — my  dear.  Your  dress  fits  you  admirably — • 
you  look  decidedly  pretty — don't  be  confused.  Well !  well ! 
I  hope  the  pleasure  of  dancing  will  revive  you,  and  will  re 
call  on  your  cheeks  that  roseate  hue  which  has  somewhat 
faded  away. 

HENRIETTA. — \In  a  melancholy  tone.~\ — You  know,  father, 
that  I  wished,  if  possible,  to  avoid  taking  a  part,  which  must 
be  painful  to  me,  in  this  entertainment.  I  am  not  well. 
You  have  insisted  on  my  presence  ;  here  I  am.  You  have 
hastened  my  w^edding  day,  and  fixed  it  for  to-morrow — I 
have  shown,  I  believe,  no  signs  of  disobedience. 

GOVERNOR. — I  am  grateful — deeply  so,  for  your  ready 
compliance  with  my  wishes.  You  are  the  most  dutiful  of 
daughters  and  worthy  of  your  sainted  mother.  Believe  me 
— whatever  pangs  it  may  cost  you,  and  they  will  be  mo 
mentary  only,  that  marriage  could  no  longer  be  postponed 
after  the  recent  scandal  which  has  happened  here — the  finding 
of  that  young  man  concealed  in  this  house,  and  his  quarrel 
and  intended  duel  with  Lovedale — to  which  must  be  added 
the  report  of  your  being  in  love  with  him — and — look  you, 
daughter — as  every  body  is  invited  to  night,  I  could  not  but 
extend  the  same  courtesies  to  the  Beckendorfs.  It  was  even 
necessary  that  they  should  come,  after  what  has  occurred,  as 
their  absence  might  have  given  rise  to  comments  of  a  disa 
greeable  nature.  But  .  .  .  but  .  .  .  Henrietta  .  .  . 

HENRIETTA. — Speak  your  mind,  father,  without  hesitation. 

GOVERNOR. — I  want  you  to  be  courteous — but  extremely 
reserved  towards  the  Beckendorfs — particularly  with  the 
young  man.  When  he  will  approach  you,  you  may  both  be 
observed  .  .  .  and  .  .  . 

HENRIETTA. — Be  at  ease,  father.  I  hope  that  the  most 
critical  eye  will  not  find  fault  with  my  demeanor. 

GOVERNOR. — Yes — yes.  I  am  sure  of  that,  my  noble- 
hearted  daughter.  [Kissing  her  on  the  forehead.~\  You  have 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  141 

my  whole  confidence.     Well !  cheer  up — and  please  to  step 
round  in  order  to  see  if  every  thing  is  as  it  should  be. 
[Exit  HENRIETTA.] 


SCENE  II. 

GOVERNOR. — [Alone.'] — When  I  projected  this  entertain 
ment,  I  had  some  grounds  to  suppose  that  it  would  have  been 
the  celebration  of  my  senatorial  election.  But  what  hap 
pened  yesterday  has  baffled  all  my  calculations.  What !  a 
tie  for  the  third  time  !  When  Trimsail  and  one  of  his  ad 
herents  came  over  to  me,  some  desertion  in  my  ranks  must 
have  re-established  the  equilibrium.  It  must  have  been  what 
a  French  dancing  master  calls  chasse  croise.  It  is  impossi 
ble  to  foresee  what  will  come  out  of  all  this.  That  fellow, 
Gammon,  must  be  the  devil  himself.  Faith !  I  am  fairly  be 
wildered,  and  not  knowing  on  whom  to  rely.  But  I  am 
goaded  into  emulation,  and  I'll  try  a  last  manoeuvre — that 
may  stagger  old  Gammon  and  throw  him  off  the  track.  The 
caucus  meets  in  an  hour.  I  have  time  to  lay  a  trap  in  the 
old  tactician's  path.  Oh  !  here  is  precisely  the  man  I  want. 


SCENE  III. 

[Enter  RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. — I  am  glad  to  be  the  first  on  the  battle-field, 
Governor.  If  I  incur  your  censure  for  my  apathy  when 
public  business  and  politics  are  the  attractions  offered  to 
me,  I  hope  that  I  deserve  your  commendation  for  the  alacrity 
with  which  I  obey  the  call  of  pleasure. 


142  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. — Thanks  for  your  early  attendance — the  more 
so  that  I  have  to  talk  to  you  about  the  subject  of  your  hatred 
— politics ! 

RANDOLPH. — [Hastily  retreating  towards  the  door.~\ — Good 
bye,  Governor.  Allow  me  to  go  and  present  ray  homage  to 
Miss  Henrietta. 

GOVERNOR. — Stop,  Randolph — stop,  my  friend.  It  is  a 
personal  favor — it  is  a  service  I  have  to  ask  of  you. 

RANDOLPH. — [Coming  back.~\ — Oh!  that  alters  the  case. 
What  is  it  ? 

GOVERNOR. — You  know  what  is  going  on.  The  involutions 
of  treachery  have  been  so  intricate,  that  Talleyrand  himself, 
were  he  alive,  could  not  unravel  them.  I  was  betrayed  last 
night.  That  cannot  be  disputed.  God  knows  what  other  in 
roads  Gammon  may  have  made  in  my  ranks  since  that  time, 
or  how  far  he  may  have  tampered  with  Tagrag's  select  few — 
so  as  to  draw  over  some  of  them  to  his  side.  Should  this 
happen — I  am  gone. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  but  what  have  I  to  do  with  all  that  ? 

GOVERNOR. — Pray — listen.  A  thought  has  struck  me. 
On  the  meeting  of  the  caucus — as  a  feeler — and  in  order,  by 
a  sudden  bombshell,  to  throw  disorder  into  the  ranks  of  the 
enemy,  I'll  start  up  another  candidate  and  let  him  loose  upon 
them. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  feigned  astonishment. ,] — Another  can 
didate  ! 

GOVERNOR. — Yes; — and  I  am  indebted  to  you  for  the 
device. 

RANDOLPH. — To  me !    I  never  spoke  to  you  on  the  subject. 

GOVERNOR. — No.  But,  this  morning,  when  I  was  in  my 
office,  signing  by  the  dozen  the  bills  which  the  Legislature 
keep  pouring  upon  me,  I  confess  that,  although  apparently 
engaged  in  examining  them,  I  was  in  reality  listening  only  to 
the  conversation  which  was  going  on,  at  some  distance  from, 
my  desk,  between  yourself  and  Trimsail  j  and  I  was  struck 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  143 

with  a  careless  observation  which  fell  from  your  lips,  and  in 
which  there  is  more  depth  and  wisdom  than  you  attach  to  it. 

EANDOLPH. — Indeed  !     What  is  it  ?  what  is  it  1 

GOVERNOR. — You  said  to  Trimsail  with  your  usual  tone, 
half  in  earnest  and  half  in  jest :  Well !  were  I  a  politician, 
and  either  in  Gammon's  or  the  Governor's  place,  instead  of 
playing  at  hide-and-seek  with  treachery,  I  would  suddenly 
burst  upon  my  adversaries  with  a  new  candidate,  on  whom  I 
would  throw  a  considerable  portion  of  my  forces ;  and,  in 
the  midst  of  the  general  dismay  and  confusion  produced  by 
such  an  event,  I  would  make  a  rally,  blow  my  puppet  out  of 
the  way,  and  carry  the  day  with  the  help  of  some  of  the 
stragglers,  loiterers,  or  deserters  I  might  pick  from  the  oppo 
site  ranks. 

RANDOLPH. — Did  I  say  any  such  thing  1 

GOVERNOR. — Yes, — and  the  seed  has  grown  in  my  mind.  I 
have  arranged  a  new  plan  of  operations,  and  it  is  in  connec 
tion  with  it  that  I  wish  to  ask  you  a  favor — which  you  cannot 
refuse — for  you  will  not  be  required  to  be  active.  You  will 
have  only  to  be  passive,  and  fold  your  arms. 

RANDOLPH. — Faith !  if  that  is  all  ...  it  suits  me  exactly. 
It  is  impossible  to  be  serviceable  on  cheaper  terms  and  with 
less  sacrifice  of  personal  comfort. 

GOVERNOR. — I  have  ordered  that  only  five  of  my  friends 
shall  continue  to  vote  for  me  on  the  first  ballot,  and  that 
thirty  shall  vote  for  a  new  man — so  that  we  shall  stand  : 
15  for  Tagrag  as  usual — 35  for  Gammon — 5  for  me — and 
thirty  for  the  new  candidate. — [Chuckling.'] — Will  not  Gam 
mon  jump  out  of  his  breeches  from  sheer  astonishment  1  He 
will  surmise  some  deep  stratagem.  It  may  frighten  him  and 
some  of  his  friends — and  as  some  of  them  are  not  far  from 
becoming  mine,  it  will  be  giving  them  an  opportunity  to  do 
so,  by  inducing  them  to  lay  aside  their  hesitations  and  to  run 
into  my  camp,  in  order  to  prevent  the  election  of  the  new 
comer. 


144  THE    SCHOOL   FOR    POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. — \_Musinghj.~\ — Well !  this  is  no  unskilful 
move,  I  confess — but — there  may  be  danger  in  it. 

GOVERNOR. — To  be  sure.  But  the  danger  or  the  security 
is  in  the  choice  of  the  new  candidate.  He  must  be  a  safe 
man — and  there  must  be  no  chance  of  his  election. 

RANDOLPH. — That  is  the  difficulty.  Pie  must  be  neither  so 
weak  as  at  once  to  satisfy  your  adversaries  that  he  is  used 
merely  as  a  decoy  or  bugbear — nor  so  strong  or  ambitious 
as  to  profit  by  the  momentary  diversion  made  in  his  favor, 
and  glide  in — leaving  you  on  the  wrong  side  of  the  door. 
The  game  is  dangerous. 

GOVERNOR. — No — because  I  have  found  out  the  right  kind 
of  man. 

RANDOLPH. — I  compliment  you  on  it.  But  so  far  I  do  not 
see  how  I  can  be  of  any  service  to  you. 

GOVERNOR. — By  your  advice — and  by  answering  only  one 
question.  [Coming  up  close  to  Randolph,  and  pressing  his 
arm,  he  says  with  much  earnestness  :]  Do  you  advise  me  to 
consult  the  friend  whose  name  I  intend  to  use,  or  to  act  with 
out  his  knowledge  1 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  indifference.] — It  might  perhaps  not 
be  prudent  to  consult  him.  For  he  might  have  some  reasons 
to  refuse  his  assent ;  and  then,  of  course,  you  could  not  pro 
ceed  without  giving  him  just  cause  of  offence. 

GOVERNOR. — And  should  he  not  be  consulted  ?  .  .  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — He  probably  would  not  take  it  amiss,  as  you 
would,  no  doubt,  give  cogent  reasons  for  your  silence — such 
as  your  desire  not  to  commit  or  embarrass  him — your  hav 
ing  acted  from  sudden  inspiration — on  the  spur  of  the  mo 
ment — and  the  want  of  time  to  obtain  his  consent,  &c.  .  .  . 

GOVERNOR. — That's  it — that's  it.  You  are  always  right — 
but  here  are  the  Beckendorfs. 

[Enter  BECKENDORF,  GERTRUDE,  MORTIMER.] 

GOVERNOR. — [Bowing  ceremoniously.] — I  feel  highly  com 
plimented  by  your  presence.  Mrs.  Beckendorf,  please  to 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  145 

favor  me  with  your  arm.     I  wish  to  procure  for  you  one  of 
the  best  seats  in  the  ball-room.     Gentlemen,  please  to  follow 
me — I  will  introduce  you  into  the  refreshment-room. 
[.Exeunt  GOVERNOR  and  GERTRUDE.] 


SCENE  IY. 

RANDOLPH,  BECKENDORF,  MORTIMER. 

BECKENDORF. — I  feel  a  choking  sensation  in  my  throat. 
[To  Mortimer. ~\  Neither  your  mother  nor  myself  would 
have  been  in  this  puppy's  house  if  it  had  not  been  to  please 
you.  We  have  yielded  to  your  importunities.  But  how 
will  you  be  helped  or  benefited  in  any  way  by  seeing  Miss 
Henrietta  for  the  last  time  1  You  know  she  is  to  be  married 
to-morrow. 

MORTIMER. — [Passionately .] — And  that  knowledge  em 
boldens  me  to  make  a  last  desperate  effort. 

BECKENDORF. — What  will  you  do?     Carry  her  off? 

MORTIMER. — No.  That  she  will  not  consent  to.  [  Coming 
up  close  to  Randolph,  he  says  to  him  with  much  pathos;] 
But  she  has  said  to  me  :  "  One  man  alone  can  save  us,  if  he 
chooses.  Go  to  him — pray  him  in  your  name — in  mine. 
He  has  the  power,  I  am  sure,  to  serve  us — and  he  can  feel  for 
us — for  he  is  unhappy  himself — and  he  has  a  noble  and  sym 
pathizing  heart — and  that  man  is  Mr.  Randolph." 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  suppressed  agitation.] — Did  she — in 
deed — hold  such  language  .  .  .  and  thus  speak  of  me  !  .  .  . 
It  is  ...  it  is — the  dream  of  a  love-sick  and  romantic  girl, 
my  young  friend. 

BECKENDORF. — [ With  deep  feeling.'] — Oh!  Mr.  Randolph, 
save  my  poor  boy,  if  you  have  the  power — and  there  is  not 
a  Beckendorf  in  the  world  that  will  not  tear  his  heart  out  of 
hir.  breast,  if  necessary,  to  show  you  his  gratitude. 
7 


146  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. — [  Who  has  resumed  his  self-possession,  says 
with  a  gay  and  sarcastic  tone  of  levity :] — Oh !  oh  !  grati 
tude  !  .  .  a  fair  word !  .  .  a  beautiful  one  !  and  much  in  use 
too  !  The  gratitude  of  man !  a  reliable  commodity  !  .  .  to 
be  sure.  [To  Mortimer.]  It  is  a  very  delicate  thing  to 
interfere  in  family  affairs.  But — [feelingly'] — do  I  really 
understand  you  to  say  that  Miss  Henrietta  has  authorized 
this  appeal  to  me  in  her  name,  and  informs  me  that  the  hap 
piness  of  her  life  is  at  stake ! 

MORTIMER. — [Eagerly. ~] — She  has  .  .  .  she  has  .  .  I  assure 
you. 

BECKENDORF. — Only  promise,  Mr.  Randolph,  to  endeavor 
to  break  off  that  hateful  marriage  which  threatens  to  upset 
the  wits  of  the  boy  .  .  .  and  then  give  a  trial  to  old-fashioned 
German  gratitude. 

RANDOLPH. — [Tapping  Beckendorf  on  the  shoulder,  says 
playfully  :] — How  many  barrels  of  your  best  beer  is  your 
gratitude  worth,  my  good  friend  ? 

MORTIMER. — [Impetuously,  and  plucking  a  rose  from  Ms 
button-hole.']-^- Take  this  flower.  It  has  been  sent  to  me  as 
the  last  token  of  her  remembrance,  before  her  marrying 
another,  I  thought  I  never  would  have  parted  with  it,  except 
with  life.  Take  it— and  if  you  only  say  :  "  I  will  break  off 
Henrietta's  marriage  with  Lovedale" — when  you  send  this 
token  to  me,  to  father,  or  mother,  your  word  shall  be  our 
law. 

RANDOLPH. — [Accepting  the  flower.~] — Nothing  but  your 
youth  can  excuse  your  taking  so  imprudent  an  engagement. 

BECKENDORF. — 1  am  an  old  man — and  yet  I  sanction  what 
he  says. 

GERTRUDE. — [  Who  had  just-  come  back  from  the  ball-room, 
and  listened  to  her  son's  sentiment.'] — And  I,  an  honest-hearted 
woman,  will  stand  security  for  both. 

RANDOLPH. — [Looking  at  the  rose,  whilst  twisting  the  stem 
between  his  index  and  the  thumb,  sa.?,  with  a  8<trca9tie  smile 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  147 

— It  has  the  glow  of  love — the  fair  and  vivid  hues  of  friend 
ship — [smelling  it]  and  it  has  a  perfume  as  sweet  as  grati 
tude — but  it  soon  fades — and  so  does  love — and  friendship — 
and  gratitude.  Well !  I'll  wear  it  as  an  emblem — if  not  as 
a  security — or  a  pledge.  But  I  never  promise  any  thing. 
It  is  not  my  habit.  If  I  do  any  thing,  you  shall  know  it. 

MORTIMER. — Permit  me  only  to  say  to  Miss  Henrietta 
that  we  may  hope. 

RANDOLPH. —  [Pointing  to  the  rose  he  has  stuck  in  his  but 
ton-hole.'] — Tell  her  that  I  wear  her  colors — and  that  to  so 
much  beauty,  mind  and  soul  as  she  possesses.  I  cannot  but 
say.  hope. 

MORTIMER. — [Rapturously^] — May  heaven  bless  you  for 
that  word,  and  lighten  your  heart.  \_Gras2nny  Randofyh's 
hand,  he  says  meaningly :]  For  I  know  that  the  most  gen 
erous  and  the  noblest  is  not  often  the  happiest.  [To  his 
mother.']  Come  along,  mother — take  my  .trm — let  us  to  the 
ball-room.  Tell  Miss  Henrietta  what  you  have  heard  ;  for  I 
dare  not  approach  her.  [Exeunt.'] 

RANDOLPH. — [Gfaily  to  Beckendorf.'] — Now,  Mr.  Becken- 
dorf,  after  having  talked  sentiment,  we  shall  talk  politics — 
for  here  is  Gammon  coming. 


SCENE  Y. 

[Enter  GAMMON.] 

GAMMON. — How  glad  I  am  to  meet  you  together.  You  are 
the  very  men  I  came  for. 

RANDOLPH. — See  how  bells  will  chime  in  merrily.  You 
are  the  very  man  I  expected.  I  want  to  engage  in  a  cotillion 
— and  was  waiting  to  have  you  facing  me  in  the  dance. 

GAMMON. — Tush  ! — a  cotillion ! — at  my  age  ! — and  when 
mv  mind  is  on  the  rack  !  I  am  not  sure  how  things  will  turn 


148  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

out  in  this  fourth  caucus  to  night.  I  am  nearly  at  my  wit's 
end.  But  I  am  going,  however,  to  make  an  experiment. 

BECKENDORF. — Ah  !  Ah  !  What  is  it  ?  I  always  learn 
from  you  something  valuable  in  diplomacy. 

GAMMON. — I  think  I  have  hit  upon  a  good  device.  I  will 
show  the  Governor  what  old  Gammon  is. 

RANDOLPH. — This  exultation  promises. 

GAMMON. — Gentlemen,  please  to  answer  one  question.  Do 
you  know  of  any  one  but  the  Governor  and  myself  who  has 
the  slightest  chance  of  being  elected  to  the  Senate  of  the 
United  States  ? 

BECKENDORF. — Certainly  not. 

RANDOLPH. — The  chance  is  even  between  you  and  the  Gov 
ernor,  as  the  ballot  box  has  shown  at  three  diiferent  caucuses. 
I  think  the  result  very  doubtful. 

GAMMON. — Well  I  When  such  is  the  case,  there  is  nothing 
like  betting. 

BECKENDORF. — Betting  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Betting  1 

GAMMON. — Yes — betting  ! — in  order  to  secure  success.  In 
every  election  in  which  I  arn  concerned,  I  never  expose  my 
self  to  be  a  loser.  If  I  lose  office,  I  must  win  money — and 
if  I  lose  money,  I  must  get  office. 

BECKENDORF. — There  is  good  sense  in  that.  It  is  business 
like. 

GAMMON. — [Tapping  BecJcendorf  on  the  shoulder, ,] — And 
it  is  diplomatic  too,  Mr.  Minister  Plenipotentiary.  Thus  a 
confidential  friend  of  mine  has  made  a  bet  of  fifteen  thousand 
dollars  with  Tagrag,  who  has  so  far  foolishly  persisted  in  his 
candidateship,  although  he  never  could  muster  more  than 
fifteen  votes.  My  bet,  through  my  friend,  is  that  the  Gover 
nor  will  be  elected.  Tagrag's  bet  is  against  the  Governor  ; 
and  as  this  is  a  very  imprudent  bet  on  the  part  of  Tagrag, 
who  is  in  very  embarrassed  circumstances,  and  as  he  has  very 
devoted  friends,  considering  that  they  have  stuck  so  long  and 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

so  obstinately  to  him — some  of  them,  when  <,hey  hear  of 
this  dangerous  bet,  being  fearful  of  its  occasioning  his  ruin 
should  the  Governor  be  elected — may  come  over  to  me. 

BECKENDORF. — But  in  that  case  you  loose  fifteen  thousand 
dollars. 

GAMMON. — [Rubbing  his  hands.'] — To  be  sure.  In  that 
case  Tagrag  wins  the  bet- — but  then  I  am  elected  Senator  for 
six  years.  It  is  something.  I  lose  money,  but  I  get  office, 
as  I  have  said.  Well!  the  time  for  the  meeting  of  the 
caucus  has  nearly  come — let  us  to  the  State  House.  We 
have  only  to  cross  the  street — and  after  having  manufactured 
a  Senator  for  the  good  of  the  country — we  shall  return  here 
to  frolic  for  our  own  satisfaction.  Come  on.  Mr.  Beckendorf 
— come  on,  Mr.  Randolph. 

RANDOLPH. — The  caucus  must  spare  me  for  to-night.  I 
am  not  the  man  to  leave  a  ball-room,  pretty  women,  and  ex 
cellent  music,  to  attend  any  political  meeting  in  the  world. 
Good  bye.  It  seems  that  your  success  is  certain.  I'll  have 
a  bumper  ready  for  you,  Mr.  Gammon,  on  your  return. 

GAMMON. — [With  a  complacent  smile  and  an  approving 
wave  of  the  hand.'] — Be  it  so. 

[Exit  with  BECKENDORF.] 


SCENE  VI. 

RANDOLPH. — [Alone.] — A  pretty  Senate  r,  indeed,  to  pre 
side  over  the  destinies  of  a  nation  !  \J3rod !  what  are  we  com 
ing  to !  And  these  are  the  tricks  of  politicians — of  our 
would-be  statesmen !  This  is  what  is  called  a  shrewd,  keen, 
practical  man,  not  over-burdened  with  the  vain  theories  of 
common  honesty !  And  this  is  the  school  for  politics  in 
which  every  youth  must  take  his  degree  to  qualify  himself 
for  office  in  the  land,  be  that  office  high  or  low.  By  my  good 


150  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

soul,  other  arts  will  be  mine !  Let  men  lay  their  snares — 
let  them  spread  their  nets  against  one  another — let  them  fall 
into  the  traps  they  have  set  against  their  adversaries.  I  will 
profit  by  their  weaknesses — their  lies — their  vices — and  their 
treachery — but  I  will  keep  free  from  contamination.  I  will 
not  corrupt  any  one — but  I  will  use  the  corrupt  for  noble  and 
patriotic  purposes.  Trusting  none — courting  none — deceiv 
ing  none — but  merely  allowing  them  to  deceive  themselves — 
preserving  myself  exempt  from  reproach — wrapped  up  in 
the  consciousness  of  my  own  might  and  right — I  will  step  to 
eminence — to  the  highest  if  possible.  \_J  have  found  friend 
ship  to  be  but  a  broken  reed  that  has  pierced  the  hand  which 
rested  on  it — love,  to  be  worse  than  a  deceitful  shadow — and 
egotism  and  treachery  to  be  the  lords  paramount  of  this 
world.  There  is  no  such  thing  as  happiness/]  It  is  a  fantasy 
— a  dream  of  the  heart.  But  there  are  such  things  as  intel 
lect,  wealth,  and  knowledge  of  the  world,  and[^olitical  power. 
They  are  elements  of  enjoyment — if  not  of  happiness. 
Well !  three  of  these  I  have  ;  now  for  the  fourth !  and  II  will 
have  it — without  forfeiting,  nrrmy  own  estimation,  the  character 
of  a  high-bred  gentleman.^ A  difficult  task,  to  be  sure ! 
But  it  shall  be  accomplished  ; — and  now  to  work.  [Pulling 
out  his  watch.~\  Immediate  action  is  required.  I  must  go  to 
old  Mrs.  Beckendorf ....  ah — as  luck  will  have  it, — here 
she  comes. 


SCENE  VII. 

[Enter  GERTRUDE.] 

RANDOLPH. — Well,  Mrs.  Beckendorf,  how  do  you  like  this 
entertainment  1 

GERTRUDE. — I  have  paid  no  attention  to  it — I  hardly  know 
what  is  going  on  around  me.  I  think  of  nothing  else  than 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  151 

that  fatal  marriage.    Can  it  be  broken  off"?    Have  you  thought 
of  it? 

RANDOLPH. — Yes. 

GERTRUDE. — [Eagerly. ,] — Have  you  done  anything  1 

RANDOLPH. — I ! — nothing.  You  know  1  always  remain 
passive.  But  it  rests  with  you  to  break  off  that  marriage. 

GERTRUDE. — Me. 

RANDOLPH. — You. 

GERTRUDE. — [  With  the  greatest  eagerness.~\ — Speak  then — 
how? 

RANDOLPH. — Tagrag,  the  senatorial  candidate  in  opposi 
tion  to  Gammon  and  the  Governor,  is  in  the  ball-room,  I  sup 
pose.  Is  he  there  1 

GERTRUDE. — He  is. 

RANDOLPH. — Seek  him  instantly,  and  whisper  these  words 
in  his  ears  :  "  I  know  you  have  betted  with  Gammon  that  the 
Governor  will  not  be  elected.  I,  Gertrude  Beckendorf,  tell 
you  that  your  bet  is  not  safe.  If  you  wish  to  win,  let  your 
fifteen  votes  be  cast  on  the  first  ballot  in  favor  of  Mr.  Ran 
dolph,  rather  than  for  Mr.  Gammon."  You  will  see  him 
start  with  amazement  and  almost  with  terror. 

GERTRUDE. — What  next  ? 

RANDOLPH. — Nothing  further.  After  having  uttered  these 
words,  pass  on,  and  keep  the  secret  to  yourself. 

GERTRUDE. — Ha !  are  you  also  a  candidate  for  the  Senate  ? 

RANDOLPH. — [Coldly. .] — I  thought,  Mrs.  Beckendorf,  that 
the  subject  of  our  conversation  was  your  son's  aspirations, 
not  mine.  I  want  nothing — I  ask  nothing.  It  is  your  own 
concern — not  mine — and  remember  that,  if  I  meddle  with 
this  affair,  it  is  at  your  own  pressing  request,  and  on  account 
of  my  friendship  for  Mortimer  and  my  admiration  for  Miss 
Henrietta.  But  enough  of  this.  Here  comes  the  Governor. 

GERTRUDE. — I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Randolph.  Don't  be 
offended.  I  did  not  intend  to  be  over  inquisitive.  What 
you  Fay  is  true.  I  ought  to  care  for  nothing  but  the  happi- 


152  THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 

ness  of  my  son.  He  must  be  saved,  the  poor  boy  !  There 
is  nothing  that  I  will  not  do  to  accomplish  that  object  [Exit 
with  precipitation  whilst  the  Governor  enters  from  another 
direction. ,] 

GOVERNOR. — It  lacks  only  twenty  minutes  of  the  time 
fixed  for  the  meeting  of  the  caucus.  My  blood  tingles  with 
impatience.  I  confess  that  I  am  all  excitement. 

RANDOLPH. — I  am  afraid  that  it  is  my  painful  duty  to  com 
municate  to  you  an  unpalatable  piece  of  news. 

GOVERNOR. — \Ingreat  alarm.'] — What  is  it?  what  is  it1? 

RANDOLPH. — You  cannot  be  elected.  On  the  first  ballot, 
you  will  be  defeated  by  Gammon. 

GOVERNOR. — Good  God !  let  it  be  anybody  but  him,  if  I 
am  to  be  defeated.  I  would  cut  off  my  right  arm  to  disap 
point  him. 

RANDOLPH. — [  With  a  smile.'] — It  may  be  done  with  less 
cost  to  you. 

GOVERNOR. — But  how  do  you  know  that  Gammon  is  to  be 
elected  1 

RANDOLPH. — He  will,  if  not  checked  instantly. 

GOVERNOR. — By  whom,  and  how  1 

RANDOLPH. — That  is  my  secret. 

GOVERNOR. — If  he  is  checked,  will  it  operate  in  my  favor  1 
Shall  I  be  elected  ? 

RANDOLPH. — No. 


SCENE  VIII. 

HENRIETTA. — [Entering  precipitately  ;  but  seeing  Randolph 
and  her  father  engaged  in  an  apparently  confidential  conversa 
tion,  she  says :] — 1  had  come  to  thank  Mr.  Randolph  for  a  very 
kind  message  he  has  sent  me,  father  .  .  .  but  you  seem  en 
gaged  ...  I  retire. 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  lOo 

RANDOLPH. — No,  no,  you  are  no  intruder ;  your  presence 
is  welcome,  I  assure  you,  and  even  opportune  ;  for,  I  have 
good  news  for  your  father — and  therefore  what  I  have  to 
communicate  to  him  will  prove  interesting  to  you.  [Draw 
ing  a  letter  from  his  pocket,  and  handing  it  to  the  Governor, 
he  says  :]  I  have  just  received  this  confidential  note  from  my 
uncle,  the  Secretary  of  State,  who  represents  the  Old  Do 
minion  in  the  President's  cabinet,  as  you  know.  Read  it. 

GOVERNOR. — [Reading. .] — "  My  dear  John,  it  is  the  inten 
tion  of  the  President  to  give  the  French  embassy  to  Louisiana. 
Knowing  your  discretion,  having  full  faith  in  your  sagacity 
and  judgment,  I  beg  you  to  designate  to  me,  confidentially, 
the  best  qualified  person  in  your  State,  for  that  important 
mission,"  &c.  .  .  . 

RANDOLPH. — On  the  reception  of  this  letter,  I  immediately 
thought  of  you.  What  do  you  say  1  Will  it  not  be  a  salve 
for  the  mortification  of  your  defeat  ? 

GOVERNOR. — [Grasping  Randolphs  hands  and  shaking  them 
cordially. ,] — Indeed,  Randolph,  I  do  not  deserve  to  have  such 
a  friend  as  you  are  !  What  a  pity  you  are  not  more  ambi 
tious  1  I  shall  never  have  the  opportunity  of  doing  anything 
for  you. 

HENRIETTA. — Did  I  not  tell  you,  father,  that  he  was  the 
most  generous  of  men  !  [Randolph  bows  low  to  Henrietta. ,] 

GOVERNOR. — Now  cap  the  climax  of  my  gratitude  by  de 
feating  Gammon,  and  elect  the  devil  instead  of  him,  if  you 
please. 

RANDOLPH. — [Smiting."] — You  know,  Governor,  that  I  hate 
both  the  devil  and  politics,  and  therefore  I  will  not  meddle 
with  either.  But  your  own  daughter  has  it  in  her  power  to 
gratify  your  wishes. 

GOVERNOR. — [With  amazement.'] — My  daughter  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Time  presses — we  have  only  ten  minutes  be 
fore  us — we  have  no  leisure  for  explanations.     Do  you  give 
me  full  powers  to  act  ? 
7* 


154  THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. — I  do. 

EANDOLPH. — Very  well.  [  To  Miss  Henrietta  :]  Please  to 
sit  at  that  table  and  take  pen  and  paper ; — so — all  right — 
now,  write — [dictating  :] — to  the  Hon.  Dunder  Blunder 
Beckendorf — House  of  Representatives  .... 

GOVERNOR. — To  Mr.  Beckendorf  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Please  to  keep  quiet,  Governor,  and  to  stand 
by  your  agreement.  [Dictating  again  :]  "  Dear  sir,  it  gives 
me  pleasure  to  inform  you  that  my  marriage  with  Mr.  Love- 
dale  is  broken  off."  [Henrietta  drops  the  pen  and  looks  at 
Randolph  and  her  father  with  intense  surprise.] 

GOVERNOR. — What  jest  is  this,  Randolph  1  You  know  her 
marriage  is  fixed  for  to-morrow. 

RANDOLPH. — [Jestingly.] — Pish!  I  have  known  pledged 
vows  to  be  retracted  at  the  foot  of  the  altar.  [Sternly."] 
But,  sir,  I  understand  that  it  was  not  in  jest  you  gave  me  full 
powers. 

GOVERNOR. — [Stammering  with  confusion.'] — Certainly  not 
.  .  .  but  .  .  .  what  reason  .  .  .  shall  I  give  to  Lovedale  for  not 
keeping  .  .  my  word  ? 

RANDOLPH. —  [  Turning  to  Henrietta] — Do  you  love  Love- 
iale,  Miss  Henrietta  1 

HENRIETTA. — [With  energy.] — I  hate  him. 

RANDOLPH. —  [Turning  to  the  Governor] — What  better 
reason  do  you  want  .  .  .  than  this  late  discovery  1  Let  me 
go  on  then — [to  Henrietta]  : — have  you  put  down  "  my  en 
gagement  with  Lovedale  is  broken  off"  ? 

HENRIETTA. — I  have. 

RANDOLPH. — Please  to  continue — [dictating  :] — "  and  my 
ather  consents  to  my  marriage  with  your  son." — [Henrietta 
starts  iip  with  all  the  signs  of  great  excitement,  and  looks  at 
her  father  with  an  expression  of  the  deepest  anxiety] 

GOVERNOR. — Oh  !  oh  !  that  is  going  too  far,  Randolph. 

RANDOLPH. — [To  Henrietta] — Will  you  permit  me,  Miss 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS.  155 

Henrietta,  to  ask  you  if  you  love  young  Mortimer  Becken- 
dorf? 

HENRIETTA. — [Timidly. ,] — My  father  knows  it. 

RANDOLPH. — [Smiling.'] — Another  excellent  reason,  Gover 
nor,  for  giving  your  assent.  [  With  emphasis,  and  dwelling 
on  every  ivord.]  And — Governor — remember  that  I  am  the 
man  to  keep  faith  with  those  \vho  keep  theirs  with  me. 

GOVERNOR. — [Shrugging  up  his  shoulders.] — Well !  Well ! 
You  do  what  you  please  with  me.  Upon  my  word — it  is  a 
sort  of  magnetic  influence. 

RANDOLPH. — [To  Miss  Henrietta.] — With  your  father's 
consent,  please  then  to  resume  your  seat  and  to  write,  "  My 
father  approves  my  marriage  with  your  son.  Now  it  is 
your  turn  to  redeem  your  word.  It  is  my  wish  that,  with 
all  those  of  whom  you  are  the  leader,  you  vote  on  the  first 
ballot  for  him  who  owns  the  rose  which  I  send  you  in  token 
of  your  sworn  obedience."  Have  you  done  1  [Henrietta 
nods  assent.]  Now  sign  your  name,  and  seal  the  note. 

GOVERNOR. — What  mystery  is  this  ? 

RANDOLPH. — No  time  for  explanations,  Governor.  [He 
rings  the  bell.  A  servant  appears.  Taking  the  letter  from 
Miss  Henrietta,  and  removing  the  rose  from  his  button-hole, 
he  soys  to  the  servant :]  Fast  across  the  street  to  the  State 
House,  and  hand  this  note  and  flower  to  Mr.  Beckendorf 
himself.  Say  that  both  are  sent  by  Miss  Henrietta. 


SCENE  IX. 

[Enter  GERTRUDE.] 

GERTRUDE. — Mr.  Randolph,  I  have  followed  your  advice 
to  the  very  letter. 

T-! .-».\noT.pTi. — Thou.  Airs.  Beckendorf.  allow  me,  for  vour 


156 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR    POLITICS. 


reward,  to  compliment  you  on  the  marriage  of  your  son  with 
Miss  Henrietta. 

GERTRUDE. — [Bewildered  with  astonishment] — What  do  1 
hear  ?  Is  it  possible  ?  It  seems  to  be  a  dream.  My  poor 
boy  saved  !  [Looking  at  the  Governor.']  Can  it  be  true  ? 

GOVERNOR. — [Kindly] — You  see,  my  dear  Mrs.  Becken- 
dorf,  that  politicians  have  a  heart.  1  hope  that,  for  the 
future,  you  will  not  think  so  harshly  of  them. 

GERTRUDE. — [Joyfully] — I'll  make  an  exception  in  your 
favor,  Governor. 

GOVERNOR. — And,  I  hope,  also  in  favor  of  my  friend,  Mr. 
Randolph. 

GERTRUDE. — [  With  vivacity. ~\ — He  is  no  politician  ! 

GOVERNOR. — I  begin  to  have  doubts  about  it. 

GERTRUDE. — Or  if  he  is  one,  he  is  of  a  different  stamp 
from  the  rest  of  them. 

[Enter  BLACK  SERVANT.] 

RANDOLPH. — Have  you  delivered  Miss  Henrietta's  mes 
sage  1  [Servant  nods  assent]  Very  good.  [A  great  noise 
is  heard  at  a  distance.] 

GOVERNOR. — I  hear  shouts.  The  caucus  balloting  must 
be  over. 


SCENE  X. 

[The  noise  increases  in  the  street ;  shouts — Hurrah  for  John 
Washington  Randolph ! — Hurrah  for  Randolph !  are  heard 
on  all  sides.  All  the  characters  of  the  play,  with  ladies 
and  gentlemen  representing  the  guests,  senators,  represent®* 
fives,  etc.  etc. — rush  on  the  stage] 
JOHN. — [Breathless] — Hurrah  for  Randolph  !  Every  body 

voted  for  him.     I  am  the  first  to  proclaim  it ! 

GAMMON. — [Hurrying  in  as  if  transported  with  joy.] — Let 


THE    SCHOOL    FOR   POLITICS.  157 

me  embrace  you,  my  friend,  my  dear  Randolph !  I  am  so 
proud  of  having  elected  you — yes — elected  you !  As  I 
reached  the  State  House,  having  been  informed  of  something 
that  made  my  election  doubtful,  I  determined  to  throw  all 
my  forces  on  you,  my  best  friend — and  try  your  chance — 
and  I  have  succeeded  to  my  heart's  content.  All  my  friends, 
as  you  see,  voted  for  you  to  one  man.  [  Whilst  Gammon 
speaks,  Henrietta,  the  Governor,  and  Randolph,  exchange  sig 
nificant  glances.~\ 

GOVERNOR. — But  you  forget,  Mr.  Gammon,  that  my 
friends  voted  also  for  him. 

GAMMON. — To  be  sure — to  be  sure.  You  deserve  credit 
for  it — but  you  only  followed  my  example. 

[Enter  a  servant  who  delivers  a  letter  to  RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. — Ah !  ah  !  a  letter  from  Tagrag  !  What  does 
he  say  1  [Reads.]  "  My  dear  friend,  allow  me  to  compli 
ment  you  with  all  my  heart  on  your  glorious  election.  You 
fully  deserve  it,  and  I  rejoice  that  all  my  friends  have  contri 
buted  to  it.  The  best  of  the  joke  is,  that  I  win  fifteen  thou 
sand  dollars  of  old  Gammon,  who  had  betted  that  the 
Governor  would  be  elected.  But  he  can  afford  to  lose  that 
sum,  after  having  won  bets  all  his  life."  Thank  God  !  I  seem 
to  be  everybody's  friend.  It  is  very  comfortable. 

GOVERNOR. — [With  affected  sympathy.'] — My  dear  Gam 
mon,  did  you  bet  in  my  favor !  and  against  yourself  too ! 
That  was  noble  indeed  !  I  am  so  grieved  at  your  being  the 
victim  of  your  magnanimity  ! 

GAMMON. — [  With  a  great  show  of  earnestness .] — All  my 
life,  Governor,  I  have  suffered  from  the  exaggeration  of  that 
quality.  But  I  am  too  old  to  reform. 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  Mr.  Gammon,  virtue  is  its  own  re 
ward,  you  know. 

GAMMON. — [Sanctimoniously,  and  putting  his  hand  on  his 
heart.~\ — I  feel  here  the  truth  of  that  sentiment. 

GOVERNOR. — Let  us  all  ratify  what  has  been  done  in  the 


158 


THE    SCHOOL   FOR   POLITICS. 


caucus.     Three  cheers  for  our  new  Senator  !  hip !  hip  !  hip ! 
hurrah  !     [They  all  shout.     Randolph  bows  round.'} 

MORTIMER. — I  come  up  to  you  merely  to  shake  hands,  Mr. 
Randolph,  {lowering  his  voice,]  for  I  have  no  words  to  express 
my  gratitude  for  what  you  have  done. 

RANDOLPH. — Be  happy — and  I  am  rewarded. 
BECKENDORF. — [Shaking  hands  with  him.] — Do  you  now 
believe  in  old-fashioned  square-toe  German  gratitude? 

RANDOLPH. — [Smiling.] — I  always  believe  in  what  is 
proved. 

JOHN. — [Coming   up   with    some   hesitation.'] — Will    you 
allow  a  poor  Yankee  boy  to  shake  your  hand  ? 
RANDOLPH. — [  Warmly.]—  With  all  my  heart. 
JOHN. — [In  a  whisper.] — Didn't  I  say  you  were  deep — 
deep  ! — What  will  you  do  for  me  now  1 

RANDOLPH. — [Imitating  his  whisper.] — As  you  are  a  reader 
of  men's  characters,  I'll  try  to  make  you  postmaster  in  due 
time  and  as  a  beginning — provided  you  don't  attempt,  in  your 
study  of  characters,  to  break  open  letters,  as  some  post 
masters  are  said  to  do. 

LOVEDALE. — Allow  me  also  to  compliment  you,  Mr.  Ran 
dolph.  Your  election  is  a  most  extraordinary  accident, 
which  must  have  taken  you  by  surprise.  You  have  got 
what  you  did  not  care  for — what  you  did  not  work  for! — It 
is  strange — a  windfall  to  a  man  asleep  ! 

RANDOLPH. — Well !  Mr.  Lovedale — I  listened  with  great 
pleasure  and  profit  to  the  political  lecture  you  gave  me  the 
other  day.  But  this  must  satisfy  you  that  success  is  possible 
also  for  those  who  have  not  studied  in  your  school  for 
politics. 

[Shouts  outside  and  inside:  Hurrah  for  John  Washington 
Randolph  !  Hurrah  for  the  man  of  the  people  !  Hurrah 
for  the  man  unanimously  elected  Senator  of  the  United 
States  without  intrigue  on  his  part,  and  even  without  his 
knowledge  and  consent.  Curtain  drops.] 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall 


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